Is it normal to often hate being a mother?

Question

I am someone who never wanted kids, but have two now, a baby and a 3 year old. I spent my 20s enjoying a fab career, and time with my husband doing all manner of things which we enjoyed. We had kids after 10 years together, because it seemed the thing to do - but I never had maternal urges.

To cut a long story short, I find doing kiddie things so boring. I find being with mumsy types really dull as they only talk about kids, and I find the challenges of parenting overwhelming. My life is really awful now, and I feel so cross with myself as I KNEW being a mother would be like this. Obviously it's not the kids' fault....I'm on maternity leave for another 9 mths and the time can't go more quickly so I can get back to my job in journalism. How can I try and enjoy being a parent more?

Answer 1

Wow, I hope you don't listen too hard to some of that harsh critisism from the other posters.  It's totally normal to feel the way you are feeling.  Sure, maybe you need to work at it and try to enjoy it more, like you say, but don't be too hard on yourself.  The main thing is that you know this is a major issue for yourself and you are looking for ways to make it better.  It could be worse, you could be taking it out on the kids every day.  At least you recognize something needs to be done.  Maybe you could speak with a professional, perhaps at your local doctor's clinic for a referral to someone who could help.  Also maybe there are groups you can join with the kids.  Though you say you find that kind of thing dull, maybe keep trying and make friendships with other mothers who are willing to make conversations about things other than children so you can have more variety in the topics.  I do hope you will enjoy these next 9 months of maternity leave though.  Maybe when they're older you'll look back fondly on these years and I hope you will cherish them.  Good luck to you!!

Answer 2

You should ask this advice at Jamrie.com

People on the website, should help you out.

Answer 3

No it is not normal. Not wanting children may be normal, but once you have them usually your love for them is overwhelming! Not wanting to be a stay at home mom can be a normal feeling too, but you sound completely uninterested in your children. You sound like a very selfish and self centered person. Your children will grow up and be gone some day and you will be free of the burden, and you will reap what you have sown...remember that! Someday you will be old and they may be all you have. Make choices and decisions you can be proud of because regret is hard to live with.

Answer 4

Talk with your doctor about this.  Part of the problem could be postpartum depression.  I know it's probably not all of the problem as you've said you never really wanted kids.  But if it is contributing to your dissatisfaction it seems like finding help would make the situation better.

After that there are a number of women (and men) who feel that way about parenting.  You're going to take a lot of c**p from a lot of people for admitting to it.  But there are a lot of ways to parent and you just have to find the one that's right for you.  I won't ever say that you being totally happy is the most important thing in your life anymore.  You choose to have kids after all.  Now the most important thing is to make sure they are taken care of both emotionally and physically and that you and they are as happy as possible.  For you that might mean asking your DH for more help.  And working on your career more but with the knowledge that you also need to have time with your family.  You may find that as your kids get older they are much more fun to be with.  

Answer 5

That is horrible of you not to like being with your children and wanting to give them a great childhood! You should give them up for adoption to people who can not have children and would do anything for them! I am 25 , and i have two children, a  3 year old and a 1 year old! I would give up everything to be with them every second of their lives' if i could. It gets hard at times, when they are grumpy, tired, irratable, but that is how kids are! We are supposed to lvoe and nurture them like our parents did for us! You are being selfish and if you didnt want kids this early in life, there are things that prevent that! I do not feel sorry for you but i feel sorry for your kids because u sound like you are ashamed of them and that is horrible! My kids are the most important things in my life and i have never once regretted that i had them! You should be ashamed of yourself, your kids deserve better then u as a mother!  

Answer 6

HI  NOT EVERITING IN LIFE IS ALWAYS HAPPINESS

I AM GOING FOR THE SAME SITUTION I LOVE MY BABY BUT I HATE BEEN A MOM , I was single  enjoing my job ,traveling, partyng etc... but my mom , family & friends, put in my head that I was already 36 & I need to setle and have a child ,BIG MISTAKE. people forget that not everyone was born to be a Doctor, to be a teacher, or to be a Parent,  and not because you married u need to have kids.

I tried to continue my carrier with her now but is so much harder I love her but i wish some one would came to me before i told me that it was ok if  I did not had children but now is too late. I tell evrery cuple that  really Have and LOVEEEE a demanding carrier not to have any children because you will be leaving your drem job or leaving your kids with the baby sitter

I too love my baby to death and do everithing so I can to spend time with her but that cost me my dream job ( International field Reporter)

Answer 7

that is messed up!! im glad your not my mom