Is it ok for a father or mother to go through 17 year old daughter's room?

Question

I understand the fact that I live in their house and I'm still a minor and they can do whatever they want, but is it morally wrong when your single father goes through your underwear drawer to find diary-like papers talking about how they feel about things and then get mad at them and punish them for their thoughts?

Answer 1

You know, there is a boundary for everything. It IS his house, so he has a right to make sure you aren't into drugs or something like that, because at 17 I was and I wish my parents would have beat my *** for it, but then again it is NOT ok for him to get so personal as to read your diary entries then PUNISH you for your thoughts on things. I think your father took it over the edge just a little, because I beleive he does have a right to give your room a once over but he has no right to invade your thoughts, and act upon them.

Good luck, I hope all goes well, I would explain to him nicely that you don't appreciate it, and you understand why he did it, because he is a parent after all but you would appreciate next time if he didn't read your diary, etc.

Answer 2

Well yes and no..

He has the right to go into any room in his house, especially if he thinks that you are getting into trouble.

But he should respect your privacy and definetly not be going through your private things. Grounding you for your thoughts is absurd and very wrong. A diary is a very secretive thing and the only person going in there should be the beholder of it.

I suggest you get a lock on your diary and carry the key around on a necklace or something so you know he cant get in there.

Answer 3

This is terrible. I mean they're punishing you just for being honest  with yourself. Yes i think you deserve some privacy but you must let them know you need it. Perhaps they're just worried about you too much but show them you're mature enough to handle your own matters now.  

I dont know how you can handle your private things in the house anymore, since they even searched your underwear compartment. Just hope things will be better for you.

Answer 4

that is sooooooo wrong. you have rights. buy a locking doorknob for your bedroom door. just buy one & put it on ( follow the instructions)  don't even tell them. that's what I did when I was a teen

Answer 5

HI,

No I don't think your father should be reading your personal journal, or diary.  If you've given your parents no reason to think you are in danger of doing drugs or drinking or things like that.  sounds weird to me that it's your *father* doing it.

I wish you luck sweetie, keep your chin up and find a better hiding place for those type of things.  How about a diary with a lock on it?  Then you could confront him if you notice he's trying to pick it open or something. I think you deserve some privacy as well, after all you are almost an adult.

Eileen

Mother of 2

Answer 6

No that is not right to get mad at you, but maybe he was concered about you and did it in you best intrest.

Answer 7

Were they doing it for your good? We're they doing it because you might be in some danger?? I mean no it doesnt seem right but maybe they were doing it with your wellfare in mind, instead of just to invade your privacy.But i will say that i don't know much about your life or parents so the case might be diffrent...its just a thought.

Answer 8

No not at all.  There should be a mutual respect between parents and children of the respect of privacy!!

Parents should just think back to when they were young and how they would feel if their parents went through their stuff.  Also, how would you feel if your children went through your things now?

Answer 9

its not fair to a teenager when a parent goes through a diary. it is disrespecting them and it makes the teenager feel like they can't write about their feelings without being badgered about it. its even worse when parents are like look what i found holding up the diary because they shouldn't have been snooping anyways.

if they go through a room and find something like drugs or something thats different but a diary is a private place for a girl

Answer 10

Nope, cause is shes anything like one kid in my class she'll start screaming that you need a warrant to go through her stuff, lmao.

But seriously, i don't think you should if you need to know ask her, shell tell you the truth + if she doesn't + you find out differently then she'll just lose lots of privledges

Answer 11

No it isn't. Parents think sometimes that they need to know what when how where there child thinks. It's not morally wrong, its just plain disrespect. Hopefully, you can sit down with your dad and explain to him that you are now 17 and next year officially an adult..If he aint raised you right by now, then it aint gonna happen. You know, your thoughts are your thoughts. Your room is your room. Give your dad the respect he deserves as a father and ask him to give you the respect you deserve as a daughter.....Good Luck

Answer 12

First thing first,don't a diary because when they do find it there won't stop talking about.Personally I think it is wrong but you really can't do nothing about it.But you can move out in a year.

Answer 13

At 17?  No I don't think so.  Unless you have been in juvinile detention or rehab, I think that's crossing the line.

Answer 14

Yes!!!!!!!! That is a total invasion of privacy! You have a right to your own PRIVATE thoughts. i guess there is nothing you can do now that they found it, but in the future, you might want to think of finding a better hiding place.

ps

try taping an envelope on the bottom of one of you drawers,  you can put some things there.

Answer 15

No, that means he loves his child and worries about her. I go through my kids room once in a blue moon just to see what there up to. If you don't how are you to know if your kids are into trouble such as drugs. I never expect to find anything but I do it becuase I love them and want them to be safe and happy.

Answer 16

wrong..no, his house, un moral, no..diserves a right to know what going on in his own childs life, goes through underware...a little weired but w/e, has a right to get mad at what you wrote that you shouldnt of done...yes he does, should he punish you..no

Answer 17

I don't think its alright for them to read your diary. Thats just wrong. But as for going through your room then yes. Even if you weren't a minor it would still be fine for them to check your room. Like you said, you live in their house under their rules. So age doesn't matter all that much.

Answer 18

No, not usually.

Answer 19

no i think that is invasion of privacy even though your a minor and live in there house cause every one has a right to keep things secret. Although it also depends what the thoughts where about cause if you where thinking about hurting yourself (not saying you are) it would be a good thing for your father to find that to help you. so the only reason i could see why your father would do that i because of how you have been acting

Answer 20

That is a violation of trust between you and your father.  I would be very hurt if something like that had happened to me.  It is even more outrageous to punish a child over what was written in a very personal diary.  You are 17 as well and clearly your parents do not see you as the adult that you are quickly becoming.  Their actions were rash.  Still, I have to wonder what made them go through your room in the first place?  Was it snooping for the sake of snooping or was it that someone was worried or suspecting to find something more sinister?  Only you can answer this.

Answer 21

I think that is very inappropriate and they should respect your privacy. your 17, almost an adult.

Answer 22

no, i dont think it's morally wrong

and no, you do not deserve privacy. you deserve privacy when you are paying for your own home.

Answer 23

a man should not go thru a young woman's things. He is just trying to be a good parent and doesn't recognize the impropriety of what he's doing. I guess you've learned not to hang onto your journals, unless he agrees to leave them alone.

Answer 24

As long as you're 17 and living in your father's house, he makes the rules.

Young folks your age are very curious and sometimes get into a lot of strange things, some of these 'things' can be very harmful to you.

It is your dad's responsibility to do all he can to protect you from yourself.  

Don't complain too loudly because someday, maybe sooner than you think, you will be thanking dear 'ole dad for his love and protection.

P.S. It is morally wrong for dad not to care about what you may be getting into.

Answer 25

i dont think its right. because if they were worried about the child then they should talk to her about it. they should not snoop around.because its an invasion of her privacy. but then again from the parents point of view. a lot of 17 yr olds do bad stuff. so they r just lookin out for u. but i dont think they should punish u for ur thoughts. unless its like u spilling that u did something.

Answer 26

well you know what. its ok for them to look cause there has to be some reason for them to do this. its what you are saying or acting and this is what they are trying to do. if its drugs and stuff or trying to help you they have every right. you know what if they didnt' care they wouldnt' do this and you are underage until you are 18 and then if you are still living under their roof so be it. you hae to beaware there are things that will never change they care you ask someone that has parents that dont[ care how they feel its caring and loving that is what they are.

Answer 27

Yes. That is very wrong.

Answer 28

My parents did it and i never forgave them, they read my diary and I was so hurt, I still think about it years later and am angry about it.  Legally, yes they can. But morally, they should just trust you and respect your privacy.  That is, if you prove them that you are trustworthy.

Answer 29

i guess you could consider it "okay" since you're not an adult yet and you still live in their house..but that's definitely not right that you are punished for your thoughts. maybe they were worried about you and that's why they went searching? let them know you're not happy with what happened and then hide your things a little better! hide those papers in other books, etc.

Answer 30

no, i don't think that's right. as a father, i wouldn't feel right doing that myself.  the only thing is if there was suspicion of something criminal or threatening to my daughter. but, i don't think snooping in her room is healthy.

Answer 31

I can't keep a diary or anything private in my house because of my nosy mom and sister. They'll find something of mine, read it, and then pick on me because of it. It is pretty ****ed up that parents act like that. Especially when they've got no reason to be worried.