Is it ok for a husband to have a best friend who is female?

Question

My husband has been very good friends with her even before I met him. Recently, in a conversation he was having, he referred to her as his "best friend". I asked him about it and he said yes, he considers her his best friend. Aren't husbands and wives supposed to be best friend is a marriage? Shes very nice, I've met her many times and we get along great but its weird. My husband doesn't talk to her often but he calls her or she'll call and they talk. It just bugs me a lot!! I don't know how to react to it. I don't want him to not be friends with her because I want him to be happy, but I can't get over this feelings of jealousy.

Answer 1

You're supposed to be his best friend.  What does she have that you don't?  Figure it out and get it.

Answer 2

Your husband and you should be best friends. He might concider you both best friends though, you can have more then one. Just let him know that you come first!

Answer 3

I would be upset about that too! You're his wife! You are supposed to be his best friend! Something is not right about this situation, and I personally would not stand for it. But, it's up to you to decide how you want to deal with it. My husband would not consider anyone else his best friend. It's disrespectful to me and besides, I am his true best friend, so there would be no reason for him to go elsewhere. If I were you, I'd sit him down and have a serious talk with him. What does she give him that you can't? There is no reason for him to have a female best friend, when he has you. You come first. You are his wife!

Answer 4

Two of my very best friends are men. And, while my husband has some female friends, they aren't his best friends. We do spend time with them apart from each other though. I love my husband, and one of the things I love about him most is his faith in me. I've never even seen a hint of jealousy from him, and I find that security in himself and our marriage very s**y. He didn't even bat an eyelash when one of them invited me to spend the weekend at his place (he lives 3 hours away now) to hang out and catch up. His friends kept telling him he was crazy, and they couldn't believe he'd "let" me do that. He just told them, "1. I don't LET Dolyn do anything. She's going to do what she wants to do. 2. I love my wife, she loves me, and I trust her completely. 3. She hates to drive, so she's not going to start an affair with some guy 200 miles away! :)"

Frankly, I don't think of my husband as my best friend. He is my life partner, my soul mate, and the man I'm deeply in love with. I think that goes without saying that those feelings and that connection would easily trump "best friend." So, if he's going to call someone his best friend, male or female, I get it. They are a "friend." I'm his WIFE.

Answer 5

Best friend is a good point. SUPPOSED being the operative word here. It'd be nice, and it should be that way...but with so many other stresses and emotions of marriage it isn't always so. Jealousy though a natural emotion, it isn't a healthy one. It derives from insecurities within ones self, nothing more. If your best friend was a guy we wouldn't be having this q&a.

Answer 6

best friends of the opposite s*x can be tricky, had 2 of them... married each of them, lol

Answer 7

my husband and I are best friends but we do have our 'outside" best friends he has his and I have mine.. his BTW is a female I have known her for 12 years now and she is a great friend of the family

Answer 8

Yes, it's OK for a husband to have a best friend who is female.

Yes, it would have ben nice if he'd said, "Except for YOU, of course" or something like that. But he didn't. You're his WIFE, which is a much closer relationship than friend, even best friend. His love for you is a different thing, stronger and more passionate.

Thus, he would find the use of the word 'friend' to be insulting toward you, who are his wife.

It's really a linguistic thing.

So, try to reason yourself out of your jealousy, and enjoy this woman's friendship yourself.

After all, it's YOU he married, not her. But, if you lt your jealousy run wild, you might succeed in driving him away from you.

Answer 9

You do have a point you shuld be his best friend.  My bf use to refer to his old best friend as just that now he says I am.  He should say good friend.  

Answer 10

you have to try and respect their friendship.  try talking to them both about how this is making you feel. they also have to respect your feelings as well.  above it all - she was his friend, as you said, before the two of you got married.  i know i wouldn't really appreciate it, but what can you do?  you have to trust him and drop it.

good luck.

Answer 11

Would you feel the same way if your husband's best friend was a man? Of course he has relationships outside of the one he has with you, and he is going to have a person who is not you to be his best friend. Who else will he talk to when he needs to vent or wants an outside opinion of your relationship? We all have friends for that, and your husband is no exception.

You are a woman, and I assume, you have male friends. I am a woman and I have male friends. These are not people I intend to ever sleep with or date... that's why they are FRIENDS. I'm sure that if something was going to have happened between your husband and his friend it would have happened before you met. Since it didn't there is no reason to be jealous of her now. Being jealous and interfering with his friendship with her will only make you look bad and possibly put ideas in his head. The jealous wife routine is so cliche that everyone has heard of the husband who didn't start cheating on his wife until she drove him crazy with accusations. If he's going to get in trouble anyway, he may as well do it, being the main theme.

Just treat her like you would a male friend, and let it go. The only thing jealousy has ever done is break up relationships, it never ever helps them. After all, doesn't your jealousy mean that you don't trust him? Trust is the foundation of a good relationship, and if you don't have it then the relationship is doomed female friend or not.

EDIT: After reading most of these responses I feel obliged to point out that men and women can be friends and don't have to have s*x. It makes me sad to see that in the world we live in it is wrong to be friends with 50% of the world's population just because of the plumbing they were born with. Maybe I just have more self control than most, or maybe I'm just not a w***e, but I have no problems maintaining very close friendships with men I don't ever sleep with. And yes, my BEST friend is a man who is not my husband. And, no, he doesn't see a problem with that. He'd rather I have someone else to vent at so that I don't constantly pick fights with him over unimportant things!

Answer 12

Why do people think that when they get married their spouse has to give up everything they had in their life before marriage, including their best friend? Suddenly their best friend can't be their best friend anymore, their spouse has to be their best friend now. Ask yourself this question....if his best friend was a man, would it bother you?

Answer 13

YOU should be your husbands best friend NOT another woman.

Yes husbands and wives should be each others best friends.

My husband and i are each other best friends and we wouldn't have it any other way.

I think it is very inappropriate and disrespectful for your husband to be calling another women other then female family members...If i was you i would put a stop to that.

Answer 14

My husband is my very best friend, but I have a guy friend who I would consider a "best friend", but it's on a different level. My husband also has a female who he considers his "sister", which is fine by me. At first I was jealous because I didn't understand it, but as the years have gone by & I've gotten to know her, she's an amazing woman who not only cares for my husband as a friend but she also cares for me.  

Answer 15

Since she has been around since before you, you must tolerate it, however, you should share with your husband that you feel uncherished that he doesn't consider you his best friend.  

Answer 16

I think you are absolutely right to feel the way you feel.  "Friendships" between men and women can easily lead to something else.  There's nothing wrong with all of you being friends together, but there is definitely something wrong with him sharing the personal things about his life with a woman who is not you.  That just doesn't work.  You should be his priority and he should be doing everything in his power to make you feel secure and loved - not rubbing in your face that another woman is providing something that you are not.

Answer 17

Well, I would trust my husband and believe that she really is his best friend. I have a male friend although I wouldn't consider him my best friend, but he is my really good friend and I tell my husband that I consider him family, he basically is aside from blood or marriage, we share all life events together, he is married and I am great friends with his female cousin as well and am in her bridal party. My husband knows in his gut that this guy truly is just a friend, he has asked if we ever hooked up, I told him no, and he believes me.

You have to trust what your gut tells you.

Yes you should be your husbands best friend, did you ask him if she was a better friend than you, he may not think of you as his "best friend" because he loves you in a different way, and sometimes people can't put those relationships in the same category. Yours is more special and you may truly be his best friend, but theres always room for a regular non-intimate best friend.  

Answer 18

guys and girls have differatn opinions of what a best friend is. so you can't compare your opinion to his opinion. you say he does not talk to her often. I feel that when Men are able to have female friends it gives them a better insight on how to treat women. have a little faith in your relationship.  

Answer 19

I have a lot of guy friends who I've had for years! I've never once thought of them as anything but a friend. My husband also has some close female friends. We all hang out together, we all get along great. Unless you don't trust him it should not be an issue.

EDIT: Also him referring to her as his best friend does not mean that he considers her his best friend above you. It was simply a phrase used to tell someone else who she was...would you still be upset if he said good friend? I dont think you should take it so litterally.

Answer 20

I agree that you should be the best friend in your husband's eyes. She may be high up there on his friend meter, but that number one spot really should be yours! Don't think you are the strange one on this. I would feel insulted if my husband ever said that to another female. I am the one he turns to for advice and to share his deepest thoughts and secrets with. It makes a wife feel special to have that place in her husband's heart. I would mention it to him in a kind way - let him know that you overheard him call her that and tell him how it makes you feel. Perhaps he meant that out of all his friends other than you he considers her the best one from that pool. Make sure that you understood what he meant. Best of luck to you!  

Answer 21

If the tables were turned I don't think your hubby would be too happy.  I agree that your significant other should be your best friend.  I mean of course men should have guys as good friends.  But a husband whose best friend is female?  He either sounds like a teenager or someone who would be g*y.  Those are the only times I think it is appropriate to have a best friend of the opposite s*x.

Answer 22

You have every reason to feel jealous or threatened. Best friends make the best husbands. vise versa. scary!

Answer 23

I think it's great that your husband has a female friend that is his best friend and that you get a long with her is the best bonus! A lot of husband/wives ban their spouses from having female/male friends due to their own insecurities, which makes it very hard on relationships. Now I can understand if there was some cheating going on or things like that but obviously there isn't. Your husband loves and cares about you enough to share this information with you. To also talk to her openly in front of you, do things with the both of you. This is your insecurity. You need to ask yourself why?!  You are the one he married, you are not JUST his wife...you are is companion, his best friend, the one he comes home to at night, eats dinner with, gets romantic with, laughs with, walks with, talks with, plays games with, has his children with, and much more! So really what is there to be jealous of?

Answer 24

I think that it is actually fine. Really. I am working on the same thing in my relationship. I am jealous I admit it over a guy friend of hers. But she is with me so I smack myself over the head and tell myself to grow up and get over my insecurities. What I would honestly prefer is that she just hangs out with me. I want to be her best friend that she wants to hang out with all the time. Therefore I realize that if I am cool, confident in myself, secure in my own value, that I will be more attractive to her. Try it. I know that it is hard and it is driving you NUTS :-) but you can handle it. All the best with it.