Is it ok to ask family and friends to pay for their dinner if we go out to eat after we get married at jop?

Question

Me and my fiance are getting married in October. We are going to the jop and after would like to go out to dinner with our closest family and friends. I would like to know if it was appropriate for them to pay for their own dinner or if we should pay for it? What would the proper etiquette be here? It is about 30 or so people.

Answer 1

proper ettiquette would be for you to pay for them.

Something that I have heard people do instead of jop would be to find a judge and go to a park or garden spot with the judge and have him marry you. Its a little more personal (unless there are specific reasons for a jop). My uncle is a judge and he does that all the time. You can wear just a simple little sundress or whatever you want. Then you can walk to dinner or something.  

Answer 2

Can you afford to pay for dinner for 30 or so people? If so, it would be nice of you to pay for your guests. Strictly speaking, asking them to pay is a faux-pas, but if your friends know your financial situation, they may be ok with it!

Answer 3

Seriously?

Regardless of where you are getting married it is never appropriate to invite someone to share in your day and then expect them to foot their own bill.

These are your closest friends and family whom YOU want to share in your marriage and you want them to pay?  

Yeah, NO.

Answer 4

No it's not. You and your fiance pay for food and drinks - you are hosting.

Answer 5

I have been to many occasions like this. It is perfectly alright for everyone to pay for their own as long as they know before hand that they will be paying. Usually when we attended dinners like this, guests make it a point to pay for the couple's dinner, but that is not something that should be expected. Basically, to be short, this is fine, but make sure anyone invited knows they will be paying out of their own pockets.

Edit: I truly wish people would get off of their high horses when it comes to weddings. The type of dinner you are talking about sounds similar to just a family get-together at a restaurant. We do these all the time in my family for things such as birthdays and people can easily pay their own way. The way weddings have become such a big-to-do is silly, particularly if one cannot afford it. If you can afford to have a big thing then go for it, but don't criticize others with lectures on etiquette and the like. Don't worry about these people, if the people who would be having dinner with you are your close friends and family, then I am sure that they will be fine with paying for their own dinner. Weddings should not be about guests coming to get a free meal, and personally I think it is in bad etiquette for a guest to assume a meal is to be served for free, so :P to all of you who say differently.

Answer 6

I would totally pay my own way, and the bride and grooms' as well. People are so uptight about this c**p.

If I knew beforehand, I would get a less expensive gift and pay for my food. I usually spend about $75-$100 on a gift, so I'd probably bump that down to $25-$30, and then pay for the meals for me, my man, and bride and groom.

Have a great day!

Answer 7

no, you need to pay if they are your guests.

Answer 8

I think it would be best if you pay for it.  A cheaper idea might be to have a family get together a BBQ at a park or someones house?  Or a potluck?  

Answer 9

No. It is not appropriate. The proper etiquette is that you should pay for their meal if you are inviting them out after your wedding.

Answer 10

Hi and congratulations!

The first poster is totally wrong.  You asked about proper etiquette, not what others have done and gotten away with.

So...proper etiquette says that you pay.  The etiquette for wedding receptions is the same if they are big or small.  And, even though you are going to a restaurant, it IS a reception.  A "reception" is simply a party after a wedding.  It doesn't matter where the wedding takes place.

Most restraurants have private rooms that they will let a larger party use.  Check to see if the restaurant you are thinking of has a private room.  Here are a couple of ideas that have been done at parties that I have attended.....

~ Check on the private room.

~ Prior to everyone going to the restaurant, meet with the manager to discuss menu options.

~ See if you can choose 4-5 items from the menu (a fish meal, beef, chicken, pasta, etc.) and then you (or them) print out a "special menu" with these options.  Put one at everyone's place WITHOUT the prices listed.  Most restaurants will let you do this.  This will be better for you as you will be able to somewhat control what is ordered.  See if they are willing to work on prices with you also.

~ I have been to many parties (corporate) and the menus are done like this.  It makes it really nice.

Just some ideas.....

Answer 11

When my brother and his wife got married at the courthouse, we all went to a restaurant afterwards and we all paid for our own meal. It's perfectly fine. :-)