Is it ok to change your style of gift giving for b-days and X-mas and to only give cards?

Question

My mother in law is very demanding around the holidays and her birthday. She wants a cake, she wants expensive gifts, she won't use what you get her unless it was at the top of her list, etc.

My husband also has two half sisters who he treats like regular sisters and he has one blood sister. So we have to buy 4 birthday gifts, and 4 X-mas gifts for them. Their ages are 8,9,16, and 38. I get very fed up spending money on them and hunting for what they'll like because they (the kids especially) just throw it away or don't use it and tell us when we have an argument that our gifts are cheap. The one year we bought his sister a $30 watch. That's pretty generous considering she doesn't buy us anything for our birthdays and on X-Mas she says to me "Sorry, but I didn't have enough money to get you anything." She says this year after year and it's getting old and she likes to make me feel left out!

So to unravel all of this tension I think I'm just going to have hubby give out cards, that way we didn't forget their birthdays, but we don't feel pressured to give expensive gifts. We had a baby last year and she'll be one in Nov. right before the holidays, so I'm stressing right now thinking how we'll afford her b-day and X-Mas!

So once you stop giving gifts and only give cards, and stick to it, is that ok? Even if they still buy us things? I would like it if hubby would tell his family we don't want gifts, that would even things out a bit!

Suggestions? I was thinking maybe Dollar store gifts for the two young ones, but eventually they'll just get snobbish at age 12 and ask for money (they already do!) or something less cheap!

Answer 1

I would give a card and leave it at that if the person receiving was unappreciative. What is the point in giving them a gift if they don't appreciate it? It should be about the thought, not the money. Definately give them cards and end that quick.

EDIT:

I should add that I have done this with my own father. He always yells and makes me take his gifts back so I now give him a card for any holiday and write a nice little message in addition to the writing in it.

Answer 2

One thing you can do is give a card...with a very inexpensive lottery ticket in it. A lot of people never buy them (myself included) but it is fun to get one.

Just jot a note in it..like "We know things are tough this year financially...hope you win BIG".  

Answer 3

Buy the younger kids small presents for both occasions but when they're 12 stop and give them cards or something! For mother-in-law and 16 yr old give them cards on x-mas and a birthday but for special birthday's eg. 21st, 40th give them chocolates/flowers and a card. And for the one who says we don't have enough money, think about it realistically. Does she have a good job? If she does then just give her card!  

Answer 4

I think it's really smart to do, I would personally LOVE a gift card.  THe holidays shouldn't be about stressing over buying gifts!

btw, your hubby's family seems like a bunch of ungrateful brats!

Answer 5

You now have a child to think about and she should come first.I would say go with the cards and if that makes them mad so be it.Some people do not care if you can afford things or not,as long as they get what they want.It is time to think of your own family.Good luck to you.

Answer 6

For the younger kids, 8 and 9, I'd buy a little something, for the others, the two older sisters and the MIL, just cards should be more than fine. My parents don't want any gifts on xmas and their birthdays, and actually sometimes get "mad" at us for that, they say just a card is fine.

My godmother always bought be beautiful gifts that I really liked, but when I was turning 16 I told her that just sending a card would be more than fine.  

Answer 7

This is an excellent time to do that.  With the economy affecting lots of people, and your new baby as your own set of extinuating circumstances, reasonable people should understand.

Notify them way ahead of time--best to have your husband do this with his family, and be as nice about it as possible.  Definitely add that you do not expect gifts from them either, but would prefer to focus on family togetherness and other simpler aspects of the holidays.  Some families shift the focus to the children, so if they insist on continuing to give the baby something, don't argue about that.  As your little one grows up, you may want to let her participate in this exchange with little homemade gifts and cards.

Give photos of the baby, and/or homemade gifts such as crafts, food, etc. if that's in the budget, but otherwise, cards are perfectly appropriate.