Is it ok to get an divorce as a christian believer?

Question

My husband and i are christian that's been married only 10 months. After our marriage since day 1 has been alot of work. My husband is very immature and irresponsible. My kids from a previous marriage feel the same way. Financially he spends money on junk food, he doesn't keep up with when the bills are due. He depends on me to take care of the bills, cook and tell him what needs to be done which i dislike because he doesn't think for himself. He's 35 and for years he always wanted to have his own business as a physical trainer but never take the inituative to learn what to do or take any action towards it. He lies about little things. He's not romantic, not thoughtful, he can be self centered, he can be very passive and more of a follower and not a leader. I feel that i'm head of the house and i don't want to be. He's a sweet guy but i'm learning now that we are not compatible. My kids are un happy with him because they feel he's not a father role model more like a big brother that gets on their nerves. I prayed and talk with him over and over with no change to now i'm tired and fed up. We can't go to our pastor because we now have two seperate pastors. We met and married at the same church but later on their were things that was not biblical at this church starting with the pastor.(Controlling and minipulation) So i told him we need to find a different church which we did for 2 months together but as soon as he found out the pastor was not happy with our decision, he went back to that church. Regardless of us staying together as a family in a church. I feel he chose the pastors feelings over mine. Now our marriage hit rock bottom and i can't get past the qualities of this person that i married. Yes i fault myself for not seeing these qualities in the beginning but i'm not happy, and i'm not enlove with him anymore because i tried over and over but no more. He now wants to do better but emotionaly i'm done. Because this it's not the first or tenth time he said this. Please help. I need a christian advice.

Answer 1

do christians not get a divorce ever?  please.  the one person that you have to answer to right now is yourself.  if you truly gave everything to this marriage and it's not working out then you need to leave.  do you want to be like this forever?  your husband does not want to better himself and he is acting like a child.  you are not his mother but his wife.

please make sure that you have tried all outlets before you divorce.  make sure that you will not regret it.  live life without regrets.

good luck

Answer 2

You know, you can believe and have faith. But you still have to make your own calls, because no one has a lock on the truth. All any religion has is a lock on what they preach. Ask yourself if you are bound to be miserable on account of a belief that it's spitting in God's eye to admit that mistakes are made and that you made one and that something that makes you unhappy is not going to reflect the will of God, the universe, or any other idea worth living by. Everyone has to find their own way. Remember that Biblical one-liners can be used to justify any claim. But, taken as a whole, you see that old (Moses) and new testament (Jesus) both acknowledge divorce for just cause and the fact that one person's conduct can destroy a marriage and that no one is to be in bondage to a destroyed marriage.  

Answer 3

Why is no one talking about what the Bible says?  You want to know what the Bible says about a Christian divorce?  The Bible talks about divorce very clearly.  Matthew 19 talks about the fact that people divorce but it is against God's will.  It also says (in verse 9) that if you divorce for reasons other than the other spouse's infidelity and then remarry, then you are also being adulterous.

I know of a lot of Christians that have divorced for reasons you have stated and then not remarried because of this verse.

I'd like to point out that not being happy and in love is not a good reason for a divorce.  You can change your situation to make yourself happy.  You can even choose to love your spouse.  Look into Christian counselling outside of your two pastors.  Read "Love is A Decision" by Gary Smalley together (and then put into practice the advice in that book).  Subscribe to Christian e-newsletters.  There are so many things you can do to try to save your marriage.

The worst thing for Christian marriages these days is that we give ourselves the option of divorce.  It should never be an option (except in the most extreme of circumstances.)

(And if you think your marriage is bad, read the book written by the prophet Hosea.  That guy had a rough marriage.)

Answer 4

I think the Bible says something about being unequally yolked...? Go with that.

Answer 5

You really need to find a pastor you can both agree with and get counseling. As far as a Christian standpoint, I think God will forgive you if you get a divorce. Your kids should always come first. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

And you married him Whyyyyy?

Technically this question is for you to decide.  Make a decision then pray about it.  Trust in God with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding.

Either way, get some counseling to figure out why you married such an immature person.  If you chose to ignore his immaturity then it was probably lust not love to begin with.

Answer 7

It's interesting the advice you're getting on this topic.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  Marriage alone is a hard thing to go through.  However you've only been married 10 months, and people do change with time.  I know you feel like he is one of your children. I also agree that he chose his pastor's feelings over his wife's which should never happen, because you should be second in his life (next to God.)  Since you say he's immature, talking to him may not help much.  However, you need to always remember that there are two sides to every story and nobody's perfect.  Think about things from his point of view as well.  I believe that the two of you should find a mutual Christian counselor.  You need a mediator to go to since the pastor thing is such a touch subject, and it needs to be somebody you can both agree on.  I cannot tell you whether you should get a divorce or not, but I can tell you that God is very unhappy when his people divorce, because not only did you make a vow to that person, but you also made a vow to him.  Remember that both you and your husband will have to answer to God and nobody else in the end.  You said you've prayed about it, however God tells us to pray without ceasing.  I would encourage you to continue doing so, and I will continue to pray for you.