Is it ok to hate my parents for this?

Question

My parents been screaming all time..wen I was kid scream all time..and this caused my brother mental illness..they put me down also...altho they never physically but emotionally they ruined me..

Its hard for me to talk to people socially...

Now im older understand the marriage was a mistake and should have divorced to save the kids

Answer 1

you are the only one who can be the judge of that

Answer 2

you have a right to be mad, youve learned from it dont let it happen when you get married

Answer 3

i'd probably hate my parents 2, but just know that some things are just ment 2 b. u being born 2 such a bad family is 1 thing that was ment 2 be.

Answer 4

I would.

Answer 5

You should really talk to someone about this one on one. Maybe at church?

Answer 6

This is a tough one.

I had the same experiences growing up.  Constant arguments, and divorce was an option always on the table.

Then the question was:  Which parent do you want to live with when we divorce?  This put us on the spot, and divided the family.

It's natural to hate, or love/hate your parents for this.  Especially, since your well-being was not a concern of theirs.

Best to treat it as a lesson in life, if you decide to have kids.

Answer 7

I once thought like you did.However, since I had a monumental spiritual awakening I have come to understand that my parents weren't perfect and that they, too, had suffered abuses when they were children.Unfortunately, they passed them on to me because they didn't know there was a different or better way to act towards children.

My experience brought me to the point of needing intense therapy for me to realize that being a sadistic b*****d was unaccceptable and that I needed to NOT be verbally abusive when dealing with people.

I came to realize that even though they were flawed, they WERE my parents and they did the best they had with what they knew. I didn't cooperate much with them either so who am I to demand perfect parents.

Answer 8

Divorce wasn't the solution they both STILL wouild have treated you the SAME except at their own homes.

Realize they were both selfish and self centered and not all people are that way.As for your brother, he can make his childhood the center of his life and remain mentally ill for the rest of his life or realize"my parents were jerks they needed GOD in their lives" and move on.

GOD is able to help you get over the hurt of a bad childhood.I know from experience.If you get a chance,visit a United Pentecostal church sometime.I think You'll like it.My church family is closer than my real one.

Answer 9

Your parents may have done many things wrong. I understand how much you and your brother have suffered. But they are your parents, different couples have different situations ... they didn't divorse because they didn't want you and your brother to stay in a single parent's home.

I hope you don't hate your parents any more. Try give all people love instead of hatre.

When you are married, you will understand more about their relationship.

Answer 10

I don't mean to be blase' about this.  You have the rest of YOUR life to live.  Put it in the past and enjoy every day.  Try not to dwell on your past.  It will only bring on sadness.  It's over and done with.  Now go out and enjoy life.  The h**l with the past.  Get over it...seriously..Yes it is ok to dislike your parents.  Lots of people do...

Answer 11

Well we should try and not hate anyone in life, and sometimes its hard to do that, My dad was a complete *** to my brother as a young age he used to call him stupid and now from years of that abuse my poor brother is off the rails and it is so hard to try and help someone who has a mental illness. I say start a new life, stuff anyone do what makes you happy and only you. Best of luck to you. You are better than them and you know it

Answer 12

Hate?  How will that help you?

I understand how you feel.  People make a lot of bad choices in life, but no one wakes up one morning and says, "Wow!  What a nice day, I think I'll mess up my life and my kids!"  It sounds like your parents were deeply flawed.  The real question is what are you going to do to overcome the scars that your childhood gave you.  There are plenty of therapist who know a lot about overcoming social phobia (yes, there is a real term for your inability to talk to people).  You also take advantage of some non-therapeutic resources like Toastmasters International.

I will tell you that there are a few good things that come out of growing up in a disfunctional home.  In my case, I'm very good at accessing a situation in a moment.  As a kid, I use to have to figure out what kind of mood my mother was in the moment I hit the door - was it okay to hang out in the kitehen or was it better to hide out as quickly as possible.  As an adult, I've been able to judge people's moods accurately in mere moments.

Hating not going to really help you in the long run.  But it is something you might need to feel right now to help you heal.  But instead of hating your parents, hate the choices they made and their foolishness.  Have you ever sat down with one of them and asked why they stayed together?  Maybe they couldn't afford to split up.  Maybe they tried to stay together for you and your brother.  Maybe they were so religious that any other decision was seen as wrong.  

Good luck.

Answer 13

you shouldn't hate them but you should put some distance between you. Your parents mistakes need not be your own. Get some counseling. Maybe one day you will be able to forgive them.

Answer 14

well hate is a strong word the best thing for you to do is not look at the bad so much and look at the good time that you had no im not saying what they did was right but some poeple work in weird ways the good that i see from this is now you no what you will not do when you get your family. good luck and give them a chance you only get one pair.

Answer 15

I don't think your parents screaming caused your brother's mental illness.  As you get older and learn more, you will realize that, too.  People do make awful mistakes as they bumble through life, trying to do the best they can.  It's not until years later that we can look back and see how we could have done things differently.  I assure you, at the time, your parents saw no other way of doing things.

No, you shouldn't hate your parents.  They have probably had enough misery and unhappiness in their lives of their own doing.  All families are dysfunctional to some extent.  It's what you make of yourself that counts.  And NOBODY can make you "be" one thing or another.  No environment can cause you to behave one way or another.  If so, we would never see less privileged people becoming stellar successes, or the children of the rich and famous becoming criminals and drug addicts.

No, my friend, you are not "emotionally ruined" unless you choose to be.

Answer 16

No one, absolutely no one in the history of mankind has ever not held their parents responsible for something we felt were wrong with us as we got older.

Parents who scream, argue and cause pain to their kids in the verbal sense probably do realize it but can't stop it for one reason or another. The only way to break the cycle is to stop blaming them for everything we can't do. If you have problems talking in social situations then it could mean that you are shy. So what. Not everyone is a social butterfly. If you want to break the cycle, then start by talking to anyone anywhere. Talk about the weather, a news event, anything to help you stop thinking you can't . You will see over time that you control how you act and think, not your parents.

Answer 17

I would have slapped you if you were my child

Answer 18

It would be much better to talk to a professional about this.  I can't imagine the pain you and your brother have been in.  

Answer 19

Parents are not perfect. We try our best and sometimes s***w up. Please get yourself into counseling and try to give your parents the benefit of the doubt that they didn't mean to mess up!

Answer 20

Its ok to disagree or disaprove or have difference of openion and sometimes argue over the issue .....but what ever the reason that U've

mentioned about your parents, they should not be hated.

U may feel bad,hurt or feel sorry for yourself...but hate parents?...no.... no ... no...What U really should do is  'FORGVE THEM' ...

Your parents may never had heard of good parenting & councelling,they may have been old fashioned or had economic problems etc .........

whatever ...they  basically meant good for their children.. only that their ways were crude & wrong....actually they needed help badly !!!

Do forgive them (let them know about it) & redeem your parents & start a new chapter with love & I'm sure U'll not regret that day .

Answer 21

yes it is ok to hate your parents for that! i would to!