Is it ok to have a bridal shower?

Question

My fiance and i have been together for about 8 years and have 3 children together and could never afford to get married, well we are now finally getting married in September. Is it still "proper" to have a bridal shower? One of my aunts said after being together this long and having kids, we don't deserve to have a shower. What should i do?

Answer 1

A shower is thrown for the bride by her friends or family.  Its not your choice to have one or not and you definately shouldn't be throwing fits at them if they choose not to give you one.  Then all that will happen is you'll come across as a gift grubber and a bridezilla.

I'm sorry to say but if your family thinks you don't deserve a shower with the situation then you will not be having one.

I'm sure I'll get thumbs down but I agree with your aunt.  A shower's purpose is to help new brides set up their first homes.  With three kids you obviously have a home set up and therefore don't need a shower.  You chose kids over the "virgin bride" perks (like a shower and humongus poofy gowns) and you need to lie in the bed you made.  The decision was obviously the right one for you at the time but you can't erase it.

Answer 2

A bridal shower is an old custom, where friends of a young bride give her some things she'll need to set up housekeeping: measuring cups, guest towels, recipe books.

Your aunt was insensitive for saying you don't "deserve" a shower, but she's right. If you invite people to your wedding, many of them will give you stuff. Considering that wedding gifts are usually house goods, and baby gifts are for the newborns, what would you suggest that people give you after 8 years of living together and 3 children?

Please don't think that having a "wedding" is justification for hoping people will give you money!

Anyway, don't make yourself into a figure of fun by having a bridal shower.

Answer 3

It is up to a family member or close friend to throw you a shower, so hopefully they all are not as stuck up as your aunt and someone will throw you one!

So what if you did things out of order? The shower is to shower the bride with gifts as a way of blessing the couple. Some of these answerers are VERY judgemental. Sheesh. It's a wedding! Time to celebrate!!!!

Answer 4

You couldn't afford to get married but you can afford 3 kids? Sounds like a bunch of crock to me.

Answer 5

its your time to shine so shine!! sonce you have everything youll need just use it as a time to celebrate... you can write on the invites "your presence is gift enough" or sometihng along the line.... make it a day to get together have fun and if people bring you sometihng cool if not thats fine too.... i would register but not send the info unless someone asks for it.... have fun and congrats!!

Answer 6

You should just not invite your insensitive aunt.....  And best wishes on your wedding!

Answer 7

In a word...nothing.  A shower can be thrown FOR you, if your family/friends decide.  But there is nothing you can do, or should do, about what your aunt thinks.  If someone does decide to throw you a shower, be gracious towards all that attend, and all the gifts you receive.  (This includes anything from your aunt...)

Answer 8

If you are getting married you deserve a shower.  she doesnt ahve to go if she doesnt agree.  Maybe dont mention registry items and gifts, but have a party to celebrate and have fun!

Answer 9

Hi, I don't see anything wrong with you having a bridal shower.  Times have changed. You may be a mother, but you haven't been a bride so you shouldn't be denied a shower based on that reason. Couples without children live together before marriage and have the red carpet laid down for them as should you. If you don't need anything maybe consider having a recipe shower where the guests bring in a dish and a recipe for it.This will allow you the opportunity to dress up, take some pictures, eat some good food, and create a cook book memento with some great dishes from family and friends.

Congrats on your upcoming nuptials and hope the shower dilemma works out for you.

Answer 10

Well i think that is clearly up to you, but i think i would have to agree with your aunts. you probably have everything you get from a shower after being together eight years. you should have go married before you had any kids it would have but much better and you probably would have got married sooner

Answer 11

Of course you can have a shower! It is tradition that when you get married, you recieve gifts, and that's what you're doing!

Answer 12

You are getting married.  You DESERVE a shower because you have loved and cherished each other and a family for so long.  You DESERVE to be pampered and spoiled after being a companion and mother for so long.  You give a lot, so you DESERVE to get some back.  Celebrate, and enjoy every bit of it...and maybe don't invite your party-pooper aunt.

Just make sure that you aren't throwing it for yourself; let someone else do it for you.  It is supposed to be a gift for the bride from a good friend or family member.

Answer 13

I don't personally see anything wrong with having a shower.  A bridal shower is for brides.  You're going to be a bride, so it seems okay to me! Congratulations!!

Answer 14

Personally, I think bridal showers are for couples just starting out.  Having been with you man that long I am sure you have everything you need.  In Texas you would be legally married.

Answer 15

I don't know about the not "deserving" part, but I do think your aunt has a point.  Most people who throw bridal showers do it because the couple is starting with nothing.  In essence, since you've been living together for a number of years, you aren't a starter couple.  If you just want to have a bridal celebration party, that's another thing, but I wouldn't ask my guests to dole out gifts... That's just my opinion.

Answer 16

Usually a bridal shower is thrown by someone else for you..usually the maid of honor,family member..And yes you can give yourself one too alittle advice don't invite the aunt she doesn't deserve to come.(lol)..good luck

Answer 17

Don't listen to anyone else!  Your aunt is selfish for saying you don't deserve a bridal shower.  Of course you do!  But I would suggest registering so that you don't receive things you already have - or better yet - since you may have everything (or almost everything you need) - have people donate money to a charity or animal rescue that you support in honor of your marriage.

Answer 18

Have a shower.  It is your life and your love and those around you will want to share in your happiness and love.  Just do not invite your Aunt.  

Tell her before hand that you repect her opinion and will not invite her because you know how she feels about it.

You can do whatever you want.  

DO NOT let anyone spoil your happiness.

Answer 19

It's kind of tacky to expect gifts when you've already set up a household together. However, if one of your bridesmaids or a relative wants to throw you a "no gifts required - seriously" shower, where you enjoy snacks and each other's company, that would be very nice.

Answer 20

IT IS OKAY TO HAVE A SHOWER ESPECIALLY IF SHE  HAS NEVER HAD ONE, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE OR HOW LONG YOU WAITED, YOU STILL GOT MARRIED, THE SAME APPLIES TO HAVING A SHOWER

Answer 21

i think u can totally have a shower! i mean ur getting married.. who cares how many kids or how long u've been together..(congrats on that btw)    u totally deserve one uve managed to stay together for so long :) (longer than some marriages)  have fun and congrats!

Answer 22

You can do whatever you want. Your aunt is incorrect. She doesn't need to come if she doesn't want to.