Is it ok to let a 6 & 8yr old attend funeral for a 1yr old cousin?

Question

My nephew who was a yr old died recently and I want to know if it's ok to have my kids attend wake and funeral service. The 8yr old wants to go, the 6 yr old says nothing. Both know about death as my mom died in our home (hospice). They seem fine with death being a natural part of life, it's my family that's giving me a hard time about it, stating it's too traumatic foir them to see a dead baby

Answer 1

If you think they are mature enough then let them go. Talk to them before you go to tell them what will happen.

Just make sure they can deal with it.

Answer 2

I personally have had both of my children attend a funeral no matter what age.

My oldest did go up and see, my daughter did not.

they do not have to go up and see the casket.

Most families do these colleges now, with many pictures of  the person who passed, let them enjoy that. draw a picture for the baby. of the baby.

the baby could always be sleeping, in their eyes, and that would make them scared, the baby not waking up.

seeing such a small child would be  a scary thing. take it slow. bring them but let them sit in the back.

they will know what is right. and if they have questions, follow your family morals and beliefs .

it's a lesson in life to be learned as with any other lesson. just talk to your children on their level. you will know.

Sorry for your loss and good luck.

Answer 3

The 6 year old would be fine, because they don't totally understand what is going on. The 8 year old, well I would be cautious.

Overall, I would let them go.

Answer 4

It definitely is ok to let them attend. They should be allowed to but not forced. Death is natural and even though it can be upsetting, it is ok to be upset. It is important for children to see and learn that people grieve loved ones, young and old.

Answer 5

I think kids need to go for closure. it depends on if it was a cousin they saw all the time or just a name to them. If they did see him a lot then they will miss him. i had a loss at that age and really resented not being allowed to attend the funeral. i got that they were gone but I needed to see it for myself.

You need to ask the kids. The 8y/o should go since he wants too but the 6 y/o sounds like he does not. We don't give kids enough credit or realize that they buy into "Oh they are in a better place."

If 30 years later it still bothers me that i couldn't say good bye to my grandpa they deserve answers.

I think your family is incorrect.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

go with your gut

Answer 7

You know your children best, but I personally would not take an 8 yr old and a 6 yr old to the funeral of a child.  An elderly person who has passed is a whole different subject.

Answer 8

They can go but I wouldn't be encourage them to view the infant unless they actually SAID they wanted to NOT if they are asked and they say yes.  It has to be THEIR choice alone.

Answer 9

They don't have to see the dead baby, just be there. If they want to go, talk to them carefully about what it means. It's ok for the 8 year old to go without the 6 year old as 6 may be a little young, but if she/he asks to go, you should let them.

I think the funeral without the wake would be better, the wake's atmosphere from my opinion may be a bit tense for children of that age.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Oh Im so sorry to hear that you have lost your nephew that is horrible. I would have to say no on the kids going though b/c the death of a child is much different than a death of a elderly person. This may be very hard on your children seeing people so upset. Loosing a child is going to pull much more emotion than loosing a elderly person. Im not tring to be rude or insencetive,but its true. Plus seeing your children may make the parents of the poor boy who is now gone feel even more alone and crushed. (at least on the day of the funeral) I would say you need to let them greeve with out the distraction of children if you know what I mean. I do  however realize that your kids my want to honor their cousin but I would wait and let them go see his grave in a week or two so they can put flowers or a balloon up in his honor. This is just my opinion, but you really should stop and look at the whole picture before deciding. You dont want to make a bad situation worse. If your family is already giving you a hard time well theres your answer................

Answer 11

Its okay to let the children go because death is apart of life. Just let them know that the baby is gone to a better place. You don't want to hide them from death, it would be more traumatic if you didn't let them go. They might ask where is the baby and be more confused. So i say let them go and just explain to them the essence of death. Sorry for your loss!

Answer 12

I'm sorry for your family's loss. Attending the funeral is an important part of letting go of their cousin. They should be allowed to go, but be sure to be by their side if and when they want to see the baby, if it's an open casket.

Answer 13

Personally I wouldn't, but I guess it depends on your children, it is such a tramatic thing, since it is the funeral of an infant, it may scare your children, and they could possibley doubt their own chance to live

Answer 14

Are you a Chinese or Indian in the eastern part of the world? Please let the reader know where you are from and the answer will be more precised.  (Currently a common fault in this system of pop in, pop out Q&A)

I mention it coz the two races have lots of customery step & believe to follow.  In my opinion, since your 8yrs child knows and wanted to go then bring them along and explain the custom to them.  It is alright to visit as it is your own relatives and no to friends, etc.

Best is to consult your seniors and the granny.

Answer 15

I wouldn't let them go. They may understand life and death to an extent, but I really don't think kids should go to funerals.

Answer 16

Its all up to you, but make sure the kids know why they are going there.I would take my child if she understands.So make sure yours do to if you want them to attend.

Answer 17

this is a very personal descision. you know your children best because in my mind a 6 yr old would not be able to comprehend but every child matures different. if your 8 yr old wants to go and really understands what he/she will see i would let him. trust me your doing the right thing by thinking about how it would effect them.there are alot of parents who would just selfishly bring there kids so they didnt have to find a sitter

Answer 18

I would suggest they do NOT view the baby.

Take them to the service but NOT the visitation/viewing. That's horrible, I was 15 when i saw my first dead person and i still get freaked over it, she was not even related to me and i did not know her. It was a friends G-ma.

NEVER understood why they have a viewing its just horrible and tacky.

Answer 19

so sorry about your nephew however you need to use your own judgment into this my daughter really took it hard when her grandmother died she was also in (hospice) just sit both your kids down and explain that you know that ( ) was sick and he is in heaven with your grandmother and she will look after () however I do know it will be hard however use your own judgment again so sorry about your nephew May God Bless you and your family

Answer 20

I think they should go...especially the 8 year old. Only if they want to, but they might be mad at you later on if you refuse to let them do it. It will be sad, but thats natural. Let them!

Love Haleigh<3

Answer 21

I think that it may upset them to see the baby.  You might consider planting a rosebush in your yard in honor of the baby - your children could help.  I think that would be a lovely memory for them.

Answer 22

we let my nephews go to a funeral they were 2 and 3 at the time now they are 3 and 4  but they do not remember it so i don't think it will effect anyone

i say yes let them go i think they should know about it

Answer 23

It's alright to bring them to the funeral especially if your children were close to this 1 year old cousin. Anyways, they may need to go to the funeral  for closure.

Answer 24

Death is a natural part of life.  There is nothing wrong with your letting your kids experience this.  

Funerals are for all of the people grieving the loss.  Your kids mourn this loss, too & deserve the chance to come to terms with it in their own way.  

Just stay close to them throughout, to make sure they are handling it OK & to make sure they are not causing problems for anyone else.