Is it ok to listen to a phone conversation between my 2 and 3 yr old and their father?

Question

I really don't know how to deal with this situation. I honestly do not trust him. He is the type of father who comes and goes as he pleases. He is supposed to have them every weekend but decided that he would pick them up whatever weekend he wanted. Meaning he would go weeks without seeing them and then out of no where come back in their life. It was confusing to them. It's frustrating because I am the one who has to see their heartache. He recently moved because he said that I was making it difficult for him to see them. I have NEVER kept them away from him. Actually I shouldn't say that. I kept him away when I saw visible marks on my oldest son's leg. In no way will I condone anyone hitting my child that way. He supposedly took some parenting classes according to CPS so they said I had to let him see them again. Now back to my question...Do I listen or to spare my kids feeling should I just not allow the conversation at all. He's the one who left. I'm so confused. I hope I didn't confuse anyone. Mature feedback would be great. Thanks!

Answer 1

Legally you can't keep the children from him if he wants to see them and has a court order or other legal agreement that lets him have access.  That said I think the more you can do to facilitate their communication on an appropriate level would be more helpful than not.  I definitely would listen in though, just because of the young ages of the kids and the possible abuse issues he's had before.

Answer 2

Hon, put it on speaker...that way it's easy for him to speak to both children and you're still able to hear what's being said, what promises are made so that you can accommodate your children when the donor doesn't show.  They're still very young, so I don't see where there should be a problem with the kids...and you're Mama, so you need to know what's going on.

Hubby and I split when my boys were 6 and 3.  He did the same thing...I had to literally go find him and make him spend time with the kids!  If and when he called, I put him on speaker, explaining that the boys wouldn't be still long enough to talk to him, and that it would make it easier to talk with both of them and left it at that.  I also looked at it this way:  I was the one they cried to, so I wanted to know what promises he made so that I could do something to keep my kids' minds off his not showing.  When they're having fun, they temporarily forget the promise the donor made and are just kids!

God bless you, Hon.  I know how trying it can be.  I'll keep you in my prayers.

Answer 3

Well listening on phone call with minor that age is like having supervise visits and with supervise visit is basically when  you feel a parent is some sort of threat to a child.I probably would not listen in on the conversation but monitor your child  behavior after the calls and maybe ask him or her what they might of talked about.  But with kids that age they are probably not able to articulate the conversation that they had with the other parent.   Maybe you should just be in the room and you can tell how the conversation going by what the child is talking about.

Answer 4

I believe that if you have a feeling that you should b/c your are putting your child safety first. Alot of ppl wish that they would have had a warning sign or just somthing to clue them on what might be happening while you are not present. My neice and nephew tell me any and everything that has happened rather it be good or bad during their day. Just keep a close eye on their habits first you know how your children are so you should be able to detect the changes in their mood if something is going wrong while you are not around. If you get that gut feeling and as long as u are not breaking the law I say go for b.c these are your children and you dont want anything to happen to them. But what i would suggest is for you to have a time during the evening where you sit and talk to them about there day but in your case they are a little too young. good luck hope all is well

Answer 5

Always have a back up plan so when he doesn't show you all can get on with your lives.