Is it okay for my mum to hit us...?

Question

I'm 16 and I have two younger brothers aged 12 and 14. My mum has problems controlling the youngest of us (12 year old) and he often comes back from our dad's house in an obnoxious mood and accuses our mother of being ''a bad mum''... I think someone (either dad or his fiance) is putting these words in his head... but every time my mum just lashes out and hits him on the shoulder or body. It's always done in anger. She also hits me occasionally if she comes home from work in a bad mood, and I never hit her back or anything...

Do you think it's okay for her to hit us? Have talked to her about this, and she thinks it's ''fine'' and that modern views on this are ''wrong'' and hitting ''doesn't do any harm''. I pointed out that all it teaches is that hitting is acceptable behaviour, when it's clearly not. I hate to see my little brother getting hit... she pushes him about, chases him and grabs him. It's not so bad with me because I'm 16 but he's only little...

Answer 1

No its not acceptable for your mum to hit you. Hitting a child is never acceptable and there are far more effective ways to discipline a child.

Do you have a member of your family who you could talk to about your mum?

Best of luck xx

Answer 2

Hitting and such treatment is not acceptable. Ask her why she lashes out like this instead of just sending him to do chores or sitting in his room alone for punishment ? You talk to your brothers and ask them not to anger her or antagonize her  and see if this might help your situation.

Answer 3

Report her to the local constable. Hopefully she will be arrested and end the violence in your home. Good luck.

Answer 4

No, that's not acceptable at all. While I think that sometimes society's views on smacking are a bit much (as I see a smack as a sharp tap on the bottom, rather than a full blown hit or anything) it's different if you and your brothers are being hit like that. Try to talk to your mum again and make it clear that her hitting makes you upset. I'd also suggest that you and your mum talk to your little brother about when he comes back from your dad's, tell your mum that if he feels like that maybe she needs to talk to him properly rather than just lashing out.

Answer 5

I'd be inclined to ask her why she gets so angry and if she thinks that hitting makes her a 'good' mum. If she isn't a bad mum, why does it make her react with violence. I'm so sorry that you have to live with this. But she may have problems you know nothing of. Try to talk to her when she not tired and see if you can get her to understand. She was probably smacked herslef and thinks that this is a normal way to bring  up a child (and lots of parents do and don't realise it just teaches that hitting is okay and that talking doesn't get you anywhere. Where the sense in that?

Answer 6

Well i will never be hitting any of my children because i think there are better ways to discipline a child.  I agree that it teaches children that the only way to get something from another person is with violence. Hitting does not convey love or affection or respect.

Answer 7

if it leaves marks then it really isn't OK especially if there that old, if you're brother lashes out at her then maybe that might be self defence but other wise it's not, when i was little that was discipline even when it became against the law it still was the discipline my mum used, but it was always her hand never an object, so see if there's marks and maybe talk to you're mum again because remember it is against the law and i would hate for you to lose your brothers to foster care!!

Answer 8

Absolutely not!

Answer 9

i really think this is unacceptable behaviour your mum is supposed to set a good example. i think what makes it worse is the fact that that she chases him to hit him hes running away because hes clearly scared of her i dont think her pushing him is good either what happens if he falls and bangs his head on something if any of you ended up in hospital through your mums actions she would be in serious trouble it may not seem that shes hitting you and your siblings hard but like i said earlier about the pushing thing it could cause a big accident even if she doesn't intend to. it seems to me that she takes all her anger and aggression out on you 3 children. don't get me wrong if you and your siblings have done something wrong then i think you should be punished but theres other ways of doing this rather than hitting. grounding, taking your mobile phone etc are all acceptable ways of punishment in my opinion hitting most certainly isn't

Answer 10

my mum used to hit me...i Never hit my daughter there is no need for it.

Answer 11

You are right and smart. If she continues to do this you may need to contact professional help or have her see a councillor which may be hard to do. Either way, it is definitely not a good form of dicipline. If talking to her doesn't help than you need to think of other things.  Maybe talk to your Dad and tell him whats going on, and see if maybe they can say something to her, or stop telling your brother negative things. They are many other ways to punish, and hitting will just lead to rebellion, and other things. I hope it gets better. Sorry you're going through this. Sounds like your Mom has some issues with anger.

Answer 12

I feel sorry for you and your family members, but I can see that you are in good shape of mind as you noticed the wrong attitude going around. I think that you should seek help from a counciller, and they will guide you to help the others to receive councilling. Please go for councilling and the others will follow. GOD BLESS YOU.

Answer 13

Hitting places other than the bum is not acceptable - and it is never acceptable to hit out of anger. I don't know how you could convince her to stop though, people generally don't see that they are doing anything wrong. I would suggest having her talk with the youngest one and ask why he keeps saying those things, because she is obviously retaliating out of hurt feelings.

Answer 14

No hitting isn't acceptable at any age or any place on the body, especially with a 12 year old child. Most children will end up carrying that on into later life sub consciously and possibly end up acting violently to situations or people that he has problems with too. You're Dad shouldn't be speaking to you or you're brothers that way about you're mum, my parents are separated  and my Dad used to try and do that with me as well -  it's not fair on you. Maybe you need to just all sit down with her when you think she's in a good mood and explain to her how it effects you.

Answer 15

It depends how hard she is hitting you. If she is leaving marks or bruises, then it is definately not acceptable.

Answer 16

I personally find this unacceptable, particularly if the hits hurt or leave marks. I agree with you, hitting kids as a punishment shows them that when you are annoyed with someone then hit them.

Answer 17

I'm sorry but i have read the comments above and i cant help to comment myself let me first of say that i am not a parent, but having worked with parents and children for five years i have an opinion that i would like to put across beating a child and getting smacked in regard as punishment are two different things and you never said which. of course beating a child is actually illegal and should not happen and if your concerned that this is the case you should inform someone that can put a stop to it for example your father, however if it is a smack, slap or what ever and no marks are left then im afraid to say thats the personal prefence of your mother and you clearly stated that your younger sibling is a hand full so, it is rightly so that you mum has to punishment him accordingly as long as it doesnt go too far.

As a child i was hit when i was naughty and that was a fair few times and i can honestly say that i have never had a fight, or hit anyone out of anger so the fact that you believe recieving a punishment in this way shows the punished that it is ok to hit in anger is BULL. its all about choices and sometimes people make the wrong ones.

you need to take a step back and figure if your mum is punishing accordingly or if its become more abusive, because all i can hear from you now is the weining of a sixteen year old who believes they have the worst mum and wants to pitch fork her over the internet, yeah we have all felt a fraction of that in our teen lives but believe me it passes, and no matter how you feel now you probably know that your mum loves you regardless of her actions.

make a realisation of whats really going on at home and inform someone only if neccassary.

Answer 18

well to tell u the truth when i was younger i went through the same,thing my mom use to use violence to try and raise as better when ever we did anything wrong,but then she soon realized that it wasn't a solution that it only led to bruises and us(my sisters and i) being afraid of her.sit down and have a talk with her its not easy for her to hear from her son that shes a bad mother,let her know that its not healthy and try to show her the effects of her actions through the effects that the violence has done on both physically and mentally on u and Ur brother

Answer 19

Its not ok to hit, and I think you are too old for a spanking. She should not do either in anger. Its her call on whether or not she spanks, but she should at least have a good reason and never hit. Never out of anger.

Answer 20

hitting is never OK. especially since she's doing it out of anger. i don't think that there is anything you can do to convince her that it not OK. if she's got it in her head that it's acceptable, then it's in her head. sounds like you and i have the same mother. i moved out, and things got better, but i also started to fight back when i was about your age. i would tell your dad (if you trust him enough to care), and also tell your dad that if he can't say anything nice about your mother to the younger ones, then it's best that she just not be discussed at all. same for your mother if she bashes your dad. again, fight back and step in when she goes for the little ones. they'll look up to you more and appreciate it later. and if she's that angry to go after her children then she also needs counselling. there's something wrong with her mentally (i know from personal experience).