Is it okay for the bride's stepfather to be a groomsmen?

Question

My mom and dad were divorced 10 years ago and my mom remarried 6 years ago, but my dad never did. My dad and I are EXTREMELY close and I love him more than anything. I want him to walk me down the aisle. On the other hand my step-dad and I are VERY close as well, but I don't know what position in the wedding to give him. My fiance thought it would be good to have him as a groomsmen and I think it's a good idea, but I'm not sure if it is "proper." My mom doesn't want my step dad to be a groomsmen, she wants him to be sitting by her during the wedding. Needless to say this is a constant fight between the two of us. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! My step-dad is perfectly happy doing whatever I would like him to do, but my mother is the one that is upset about the decisions I've made.

HELP!!!

Answer 1

It's not worth it to start a feud with your mom. There are other ways you can honor your stepdad while still allowing him to sit with mom. For example, instead of an usher, Stepdad can escort Mom to the first pew - wearing a buttoniere (lapel corsage) that matches those of the groomsmen. Make sure that his name is listed along with your biological parents on the invitations and in the wedding program. Perhaps at the reception you can have a special dance with your stepdad, after your dance with your real dad.

By doing some of these things, you can honor your stepdad AND make your mom happy.

Answer 2

I know of lots of guys who have their dad be their bestman. That means they are not sitting next to their wife. I think it is proper for him to be one of the groomsmen if he is close to you and the groom. Why is your mom making this into a big deal? It's your wedding, tell her that. She had her wedding, now let you have yours. I would tell her that too. Everyone knows they are married, so why does he have to sit next to her the entire time? Makes no sense to me. If it makes you happy, have him in the wedding party!

Answer 3

Sure why not! but u have other options.

or you can walk down with both of them.

or

walk down the aisle with one dad and dance the father and daughter dance with the other. Ask your dad which he would prefer.

Answer 4

Relax.

You can choose whoever you like as your groomsmen. Most traditionally they are peers of the bride and groom but you really are not limited by any formal etiquette.

So you certain could choose your step father but I don't think you should.

It is traditional that your father walks you down the aisle. That does not lessen your step father's role in your life or in your wedding. If he attends the wedding with nothing but a boutonniere to distinguish him, that is just fine. But you could also have him give a reading, or have him light a unity candle with your mother. I can understand why she wants him sitting with her during the ceremony.  

Answer 5

sure why not

Answer 6

Your mom's husband should be distinguished in some way- perhaps dressed as the wedding party with the boutinneire and all that, but it would really kind of stink for your mom to sit without him at the wedding.

Answer 7

yeah i think he would be honored.

Answer 8

Groomsmen are usually selected by the groom as an honor role for those close to him, not the bride. Perhaps you can honor your mother's wishes and allow her husband to site with her at the ceremony and include your stepdad in a special dance at the reception. As long as you have a talk with stepdad, letting him know how special he is to you and if he's okay with not having a role in the wedding this could be a good option for all of you.

I like the idea of including all of the family members in a unity candle ceremony too.

Answer 9

yes it's ok.  He can be a groomsman if he is close to groom, have him be an usher if he isn't.

Answer 10

Its your wedding not your moms so if you want him in the wedding and he wants to be apart of it then so be it have him in the wedding there is nothing wrong with that.