Is it okay??

Question

Living in your memories,

I feel like im drowning,

Sinking, right down..

I wish i could say...

Lets Re-live that moment

Turn back the time,

And make you mine.

I wish i could say...

Strange how we are,

So in love

Yet so Apart

So in Love,

But... will never be together,

Again...

Ever...

So...

Please don't look at me with those eyes

Cos' I cant stand how you're just so nice

[[as i read my poem, it makes me sick how out of tune it sounds, but oh well, i needed to get some stuff out of my mind and it helps writing a poem...just asking for opinions]]

Answer 1

its good. it really takes me back to when i was young and writing. if youre young then youre doing good. youre writing skills will develope in time. just never stop writing.

Answer 2

good but its kinda begginer heres one of mine its not expert its kinda in the middle

This mask I wear,

he serves me well,

he hides my pain,

so they can't tell.

They see him smile,

never my tears,

he shows no sorrow,

he fights all my fears.

They believe he is me,

if only they knew,

that he is my mask,

my saviour too.

My scars he hides,

behind laughter and lies,

he say's he is fine,

but slowly he dies

i got tons more going from begginer to proffesinal and there all really good i won a award with 5 of them

Answer 3

good, but like you said it rhymes then it dosent which isnt a bad thing, because i do it too. but keep the rythmn and it will be really good

Answer 4

good!

Answer 5

Not bad at all. I enjoyed reading it:)

Answer 6

...

~Awesome~