Is it okay that I make decisions about kids now?

Question

I am 22 and I have two kids and they are great, they are awesome they are a 7 year old girl and a 3 year old boy.

And yes I had here at 15 I don't need anyone to point that out, this is my life and I was there. She wasn't an "accident" she was a gift. So anyone that has a negative attitude about it, I'm sorry that you don't like it but these are choice that I already made.

I am more then certain that I DO NOT want to have more kids and when I ask my children about it ( I know that it is not there choice but I would consider there feelings) they say that they don't want more brothers or sisters either.

I want to get my tubes tied and just have the satisfaction of knowing that I will not have anymore kids. (I am on birth control)

My mom says that since I am not married or I do not have a life partner then I should wait because I don't know what I may want in the future. She just thinks that I am not considering every possibility. What do you think?

Answer 1

I think your Mom is right.  You never know...you could meet the perfect man one day and have a strong urge to have a child with him.  Personally, I would hold off for a while.

Answer 2

2 kids is enough for anybody.you could do one of those 5 year implants until you get  older because you will have a hard time finding a doctor to do it at your age.And by the way, congrats for raising your own kids and being responsible enough to consider getting your tubes tied.Especially at such a young age.a life partner wouldn't make me consider another child.And getting married is no guarantee that you won't be raising another child by yourself.It's your body,your life.

Answer 3

Honey, you're young as h**l. I'd wait. What if you meet the man of your dreams and you guys want a baby?

Answer 4

First of all, why even mention this fact that you are 22 and had kids at 15.  You know not everyone is going to give you a polite answer.

Second, you need to wait until you are at least 30 to make such a decision.  Alot can happen and you will mature in the next 8-10 years.

Answer 5

I tend to agree with your mom, about the tubes. Get the IUD. You can get one that lasts 5 years or 10 years. Get the 5. If you fell madly in love with someone and had a stable life and good career and healthy surroundings, you may feel like adding another child. Your future husband might want a child with you. To share the pregnancy and birth with his wife.

You might feel differently.

My daughter was an only child for several years and i was sure she was too spoiled by attention for me to bring any other kids around.. but I met my husband and that all changed. I had one more little girl and now life feels very complete.

Consider the IUD. Do some research. Good Luck.

Answer 6

keep your options open.

I am 26 and have 2 step kids (8 and 10) and 2 babies (2 yr old, 5 month old) and my husband is 44. He is definitely done having kids and our marriage is fine, but i still choose to keep my options open because you never know what the future will bring. I am young and what if something happens to him and i am widowed? maybe i'll re-marry. maybe we'll want kids.

yeah- i know - what a way to think right? well, that's just the way my brain works.

:)

Answer 7

Well, it all depends. I had my tubes tied last year, and I'm 25, married, and with no kids. I did lot of research into the matter to see the stats on those who regretted the decision later, and who are seeking tubal ligation reversals. I didn't want to do anything rash even though I'd been married 4 years, and my husband and I do not want children. So, from my research (psychology/ medical journal articles, and books on the subject), you would actually fall into the "risk for regret" category.

Those most likely to regret it are young, unmarried (or if not believing in marriage not in a relationship that has lasted for more than 3 years), already have children (indicating they had a desire for them in the first place), chose to do it because the relationship they are in at the time is unhappy, they are having financial troubles, doing it after a divorce, or after a child has passed away.

It was tough convincing my doctor to do it for me, but when I presented him with this data and showed him that while I was young, I also have never had a desire for children, had been VERY happily married for 4 years, we both have ample incomes and a have a nice home... we just didn't want kids. Also, most childfree people by choice rarely regret their decision. However, we only opted for the tubal ligation because I was completely out of BC options. I could no longer use the pill (estrogen or progesterone only), I'm allergic to spermicide so that makes most barrier methods less effectual, and I even tried an IUD (which did not agree with me at all). My husband and I decided to stop beating around the bush. We don't want kids, I DON'T want kids. So, I finally managed to convince a doctor to do it for me.

So, honestly, if I were in your position, and BCP had always been effectual, I'd stick with it. I understand the constant nagging paranoia that comes with hoping to God to get your period every month and it never lets you down, but getting your tubes tied is it. There's no going back (and if you seek a reversal, they are costly and do not always work). If you are annoyed with the pill, you can try an IUD (might work better for you than for me).

Having said all that, I wish you luck. You'll probably have difficulty finding a doctor who will do it for you, which I think is complete c**p. I believe it's your body, and I was certainly annoyed when I couldn't find anyone to help me for almost a year.

Answer 8

Your Mum is right - you need to keep your options open. You are considerably younger than most other women who make this decision and seeing as you aren't in a relationship, it would be a good idea to wait. Like others have said, what if you meet a man and fall in love but he wants children? Would you really want to deny him that? And I hate to suggest this, but what if something happened to one of your children? You might think it could never happen, but I think you should wait anyway.

There is so many different scenarios that might occur in the future and make you regret the decision, so just don't do it - for now at least.

Answer 9

I would wait, you never know what life will throw at you. There are always What if's...

Try the Mirena, it lasts 5 years. That is a really good option, and if in 5 years you still feel the same way, then do it.

Just MHO

Good luck!

Answer 10

i would say wait. the man that you end up marrying might want kids. and you might change your mind.

Answer 11

I had my first child at 18 and had a hysterectomy for medical reasons when I was 24. My advice is to wait. In 10 years you may feel very differently.

Answer 12

I'd have to agree. Why not stay on the pill for now and see what happens later? I only say this because getting your tubes tied is a very serious operation. If you do end up with the right guy at some point and still don't want to have children, consider suggesting a vasectomy for him instead. It's a much easier procedure that you don't have to remain in the hospital for, and it's easily reversible. You can reverse having your tubes tied, but it's another evasive surgery. You never know what the future holds, even if you think you do right now.

Answer 13

I think you should wait. You might not be able to find a Dr. that will do it either. My mom had me at 17 & at 27 she wanted to get her tubes tied & a few dr.'s told her no. They said she was too young & was never married & might want more. When I was 22 My mom gave birth to my brother & sister. She didn't plan for them and didn't want anymore kids, but we're both really glad that she didn't get her tubes tied.

Just wait a few years. You never know what'll happen.