Is it okay to date a married man who is separated from his wife a living on his own?

Question

My "man" of 1 year is separated from his wife and everything about our dating has been a normal process with the BIG exception he is STILL MARRIED! We have both met each others family, friends, co workers, etc. and have gone about things like two single people would. His wife became aware that we are seeing each other 6mos of dating. She told me via email she was disappointed. I told her I only dated him because he showed me the divorce papers were filled and was living outside their home. We were civil and she didn't dispute anything he has told me. I tried not to give him an ultimatum BUT its been a year. I need honest feedback from people that may have been in this situation. I know its morally wrong but, I need realistic responses, thank you

Answer 1

He has to get a divorce or else its Bigamy if you decide to get married!  

Answer 2

Where you the reason for the separation? If not then you are fine. Have fun.

Answer 3

No, if they are separated, getting a divorce, and he is not living with her, then I don't see the problem. I think it is perfectly fine!

Answer 4

Best that he sorted out his loose ends before starting up more with you. For your case, its a lil tough cos you have been or are already deep into this relationship w him. I am recently divorced and faced something similar.. except the gal I was with left me when I told her I was then filing for a divorce..sad as I am.. life goes on, but from that episode, you can tell its best to have it clean, just so no one gets hurt, exp you being the 3rd party (or the new love of his life)///

Answer 5

god intended marriage to be between one man and one woman. that woman isnt u!

Answer 6

so i think people like you need to get a life and date people that are all the way available!!!!  

Answer 7

personaly I wouldn't but im not everybody. (i dunno do you think it would upset his wife?) I think a date would be ok... but any further without him divorcing no.

Answer 8

it's been a year ,why are you asking now?obviously  you do not see anything wrong with it

Answer 9

my opinion is if he filed for the divorce, then he definitely wants a divorce from her, maybe she didn't sign, and is still trying to hang onto him, i think after 2 years without her signature it becomes finalized automatically, as long as your sure he loves you, and wants the divorce, i wouldn't worry too much about it, but if he is one of those kind of guys that wants to be "friends" with his soon to be x-wife, then maybe he isn't ready to let go, or it could also mean he doesn't want to loose certain property, or deal with alimony right away

Answer 10

Hun it is PERFECTLY normal and is not a big deal. They are not together anymore and his EX is should not be a factor in your or his life she is just an ex and is of no significance in your relationship. keep on loving your man and allow him to love you. the divorce papers take along time and I'm sure it will be over soon. Good luck and enjoy your relationship!

and arodisis- you sound like a *%^&* up bitter ex wife so SHUT UP!

Answer 11

I don't think that you should and like you said he showed you the papers but he hasn't filed yet. To me that seems like a problem. Maybe he doesn't want to get divorced but wants to play around too. I'd tell him to make his mind up or he will be divorced and alone..

Answer 12

When I first read the main question, I was going to tell you it's wrong and he was probably lying about the divorce. Then, I read the rest of your post. You've been open and honest, and it sounds like he has too. You've checked his story, you've responded to the soon to be ex, and you've been openly dating - not sneaking around.

As you said, it's been a year. There is nothing wrong to ask him why the divorce has taken so long. Make it clear that you didn't think the process would take this long, and ask him the reasons. It can be a very simple reason, but you need to find out for your sake.

Answer 13

I have a friend who is going through a divorce.  He wanted to date me but I don't like the idea of dating a married man, even if he is getting a divorce.  He has been dating this other woman for a while now and she doesn't have that problem.  She knows they are getting a divorce and that the marriage is final.  The soon to be ex wife has moved on with the guy she had an affair with.  My friend and his girlfriend are moving in together.  So as long as his marriage is done and he is going through with the divorce....

Answer 14

Nothing wrong with that...

It is actually quite common for both parties to begin dating other people after the divorce papers have been filled. Sometimes a divorce can take a couple years to get everything settled and finalized. It is perfectly normal!

Edit: What makes u think that his "wife" is not seeing other people herself?

Answer 15

See now there's some confusion....did you see the "divorce" papers, or did you see the "separation" papers?  They are two entirely different things.  The "separation" papers mean they have gone off to live on their own and determine if they want to stay together, "and are still trying to work things out to keep their marriage together".  Some states don't even have "separation" papers that a person can file, it's either divorce or not.  Some people though like to stay "separated" because they can't get along but that they have children together and the children still want their father close at hand.  Some women don't like divorce so they can still have the benefits of a marriage and especially "the married name" for social benefits.  So you have not discussed this thru with your male friend.  However, as long as there is a separation and the couple has no intention of divorcing, know that whether or not you become pregnant you will still be "last" in his life.  If you are a church going person, then you know if you are more than friends with this man then it's considered adultery.  Why not choose a man that is free.

Answer 16

They were in the process of ending their marriage when you two met, so there's nothing "wrong". One problem that sometimes crops up though is that the not-divorced couple may reunite (this may be unlikely in your situation) and then either person having dated may cause them problems in their reconciliation, not to mention the hurt feelings of the person left behind when the guy or gal returns to their spouse to try to work things out.

Sometimes divorces are prolonged for whatever reason, but there is no reason the parties can't move on with their lives. However, if divorce papers were filed long ago, then I'd sure want a VERY good reason as to why they aren't divorced yet...or the guy would be handed my number and told to call me when he's a 'free' man.  There aren't a lot of circumstances, especially if it's uncontested, why it should take much longer than the mandatory separation period.

Answer 17

Ofcourse this is ok. I met my husband when he was separated too. Check out though why the divorce is taking so long. It could be because of all their assets that need to be argued about and it might be delaying things. I don't know. BUT I would keep on top of this. my husband got divorced I think 6 to 8 months after I met him. But there were no disputes in the divorce. But keep your eyes OPENED and keep up on whats going on with his divorce. Some of these married but separated guys go back to their wives later on. So I hope that's not what he's doing. Keep your eyes OPENED. Let me know how things turn out.