Is it okay to leave my 3 Year old daughter with her grandparents for 9 months?

Question

My 3 year old daughter is in India with her grandparents and is admitted to reputed school. I and my husband are in USA. I am still struggling to get a decent job and also finishing my college this summer. My parents says that they would keep my daughter in India for sometime so that I settledown with my studies and job. She is been admitted to a good reputed school there. My daughter loves to go to school and love to stay with grandparents. I and my husband miss our daugther a lot . I feel guilty for leaving my daughter with my parents and miss her a lot. I don't know if it would be good for her to stay there in India and attend the school or come back here in US and stay at home. (She won't go to school here in US untill she is 4 years). Please, tell me whether I am doing okay leaving her there for 9 months or not. ( Is it going to be good for her?)

Answer 1

I could never be away from my daughter for 9 months! (She is 6 yearsold).

I think your daughter is way too young to be gone for that long. I think a month tops would be ok, but 9 months is too long. The first few years in a childs life are the most important, and when they learn the most. You should be around while this is happening.

Answer 2

9 months seems like a long time but i guess its for the best of all. Some parents do really mean things, but this isn't as bad. I wouldn't be able to do that but its understandable because of the circumstances. Good luck in your studies and career.

Answer 3

We never want to leave our children for any length of time but when you do it for the right reasons you all will learn to adjust. If I ever had to leave my children with anyone for that amount of time it would only be with their grandparents. While you and our husband do everthing you can to make your life better in the US your daughter can be getting to bond with the grandparents that she will never forget once she comes to live in the US and won't get to see them on a regular basis. Set up letter and picture drawing at least 2 times a week (both ways). Make it manditory so that the communication is constantly there. In your letters keep her inform of how you are progressing and reinforce that soon she we be joining you. Make set nights for phone calls and never miss one. they will become very important. When you feel you can financial and emotionally support her, spend a week or two in India (don't just pick her up and leave). Use that time to let her adjust to leaving the grandparents and adjust to you being in charge once again. Send her a lot of pictures (this is our home, here is your room, toys you bought her and clothes, where she will be going to school and if at all possible children her age that live in the neighborhood that she will most likely become playmates with). Making her feel like she is part of the bigger picture will help. It can't possible be easy for any of you but once you have established a safe home and enviroment for her then you will be able to care for her forever.Good luck.

Answer 4

I believe a child needs to be with the parents. These are her formative years and to pull her away from the grandparents in 9 months just as she has settled to me would be cruel. At 3 she is too young for school and should just be playing and learning to share.

Answer 5

We left our daughter with her grandparents for three days for a short weekend trip when she was three.......never again....when we got back my daughter was PISSED at us....

Answer 6

Nine months sure seems like a long time to be apart from a toddler, since at that age kids form a bond with their parents that lasts a long time.

But let's look at a couple of people who did just that:  Bill Clinton's mom left him with his grandparents when he was around that age so she could go to nursing school, and Bill's bond with his mother was very, very strong.  Barack Obama's mother left him with her parents in Hawaii when he was a little older and it sure seems like he turned out okay.  Lots of parents have left their kids with the kids' grandparents for a while and it doesn't seem to've affected them as badly as some scare-mongers would like you to believe.

So the real question is, do you believe that you're stable enough to take care of your child now?  If so, then you do what you feel you need to do so that you can have more time watching your child grow and being a good influence on her.  If you're NOT stable and still unsure of the future, then a little time in a home with a bit of stability would do her well.

Answer 7

no...she needs to be with her parents. you're going to completely confuse her if you let her stay there.