Is it over? Rocky marriage to begin with, now this....?

Question

Married 20 years, So-so marriage. My wife is an introvert so not much of a social life (actually NONE). No close friends. We've always done things with her family - she's youngest of 6 - all others married with kids. We host all of them at our house twice a year - Christmas and Easter -some for a couple of nights, all for at least one day. My family planned a family vacation for an uncle's bday - we didn't go because she about flipped when I told her it'd be a 3 or 4 day trip. then my family gets together for a day after the trip and while i'm going through my kids (they went with their cousins, aunts uncles etc..) camera I start to take a couple of pictures of everyone. I took one of my wife and sister and sister in law (it didn't turn out so I deleted it) and retook it - my wife snapped my head off (she doesn't like having her pic taken) and basically embarrassed me in front of my family. This was only the 2nd time in the last 2 1/2 years my family has gotten together for a day like this. Yes - that trip was truely once in a lifetime. It's a struggle to get her to go when a few of my siblings get together - she does so reluctantly but I know she would rather be at home.

I don't know if I can get past this. Any suggestions??

Answer 1

She's neurotic to the point of making the marriage untenable. She might respond to a suggestion that she explore therapy, but I doubt it. Are you prepared to continue until "death you do part," or not?  

Answer 2

it sounds like a female problem if you ask me... my mom acted like this too for a while when she went through the "change". lol.  Snappy and irritated.  The whole introvert thing you can't blame her about if you knew about it.  I am like that, kind of, because I am 10 hours away from my friends and family and spend all my time at work and w/ my hubby so I don't have many options for meeting new people, especially friends...so she may feel lonely too.   just talk to her about it.  if you made it 20 years I dont think its time for a divorce.  just a change. :)

Answer 3

good grief, you are one heck of a patient man; I'd be going without her and would be making friends of my own.....

Answer 4

yeah, leave her at home so she can sulk by herself.  at least you'll have fun.  and then you can always photo shop her in!

Answer 5

it doesnt sound like such a big deal to me, so shes a little annoying I get it but thats no reason for a divorce. How about you have a real talk with her and point out what you dont like and ask her to stop.  

Answer 6

I think this is not so major it can't be fixed. I have only been married 12 years I WISH a issue like this was our worst problem. You knew her personility when you met her right? if she was outgoing BEFORE is not now did you not vow for better or worse?. Not being outgoing is not a marriage breaker in my book. On the other hand don't ask her to do things you know she finds unpleasent. Let her know you need to spend time with your family that might mean doing it without her. My hubby often sees his family without me. I do like his family but, i am never over joyed to do get togethers and photos with them. I also don't like get togethers with my own family. I did not ever think being anti social was such a awful thing.

Answer 7

You have put up with that for 20 years???? I would advise to get a very good therapist for both of you.

Answer 8

You have been married a long time, why stop now, you know where she is at, she will not change.  Do you want to start over from scratch getting to know someone new?  Dating is more expensive now then it was 20 years ago.