Is it over for me now ? should i just give up because lifes brutalised me too much ?

Question

i feel so full of aggression, bitterness, resentment about the way my lifes turned out.

normal things have never happened to me because so many tragic things have happened to me.

time in jail, a criminal record - time in a psychiatric hospital for 18 months - a history of rage and aggression outbursts - suffered severe bullying and abuse throughout my life - being homeless for 12 months. head injuries in a street attack.......mental and psychological abuse.......physical assaults........muggings.

ive been fckd over left, right and centre - i feel society has a negative view of me - everywhere i go people seem to treat me aloofly - rejecting of me ..

i get patronised , spoken down to, belittled......i feel ostracised and alienated from mainstream society......like nobody cares and people want me to fail.

i feel people either somehow know about my past or remember from my public rage outburst when i used to lash out at people......lose it badly.....knock people over......cause myself to get attacked, publically embarressed.........cautioned by the police etc.

ive been extremely luck not to finish up in big trouble - i never planned those rage attacks they just used to take me over whilst out in public - id see people and get jealous of their lives as what i percieved as ' happy ' and ' perfect '..

feel threatened by other men looking at me......feel singled out by people then i would just end up losing it completley....like a build up of tension.

even though ive been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ptsd i think sometimes by symptoms could be intermittent explosive disorder.

basically my lifes been ruined all my life - i now live alone in a 1 bedroom flat on disability - i own nothing except an old computer.

i have a skin problem on the head of my p***s im waiting to hear from with a dermatologist ( cracked broken skin covering the head part )

torn ankle ligaments due to an injury years ago, ive had a scan , was told it will take time to heal......waiting for physio.

joints and ligaments that are weak, and protest against minimal excercise , also my joints seem to easily ' move out of place '...

a crooked little finger that droops over due to an injury that wont straiten.

damaged nerves in my knuckle through punching a wall years ago, i can use it normally , but was told nothing can be done to heal it...........its in my right hand..

ive had an assesment for group therapy at a psychotherapy centre that occured the other day.......i have to wait to see if they can offer me a service........have to wait weeks.

meanwhile my lifes empty, lonely, isolated and dull.......i feel everybody is rejecting me.....because everybody continues to be aloof to me.

i feel ruined and to disadvantaged...to old in life to change my life and achieve my goals of a good paying computer job..........and a move abroad.....to leave england....live near the coast.

i feel to disadvantaged to reach those goals.

nobody comes to me....i feel abandoned in life by society.

i feel so fcking angry i feel like going outthere and taking out as many people as i can........killing them stone dead.

i feeel stigmatised and ruined like everyone knows about me or nobody cares about my life.

what should i do, is it hopeless ?

Answer 1

It's only hopeless if you want it to be. You need to stop blaming everyone else  for your problems. You may have had a hard life but so have many others. Choose to do something to make a positive change in your life. There are many agencies that assist people in your situation. You are already making progress, yes you have to wait for the physio and the psychologist but that my friend is life we all have to wait our turn. If you are lonely get out and do some volunteer work, maybe you could do with some Karma.

Answer 2

Yes I can see that your life pretty much sucked.

I have thought the same things as you many a time.

Firstly I used to look at other people and think how lucky they were.  But now I have come to realise that most of it is all show.  People like other people to think their lives are perfect when in all honesty they re arnt.

I think you need to plan your next steps.  Draw a line under the past and think what you can do now.

Write a list of steps to take to solve each problem.  If you just let all thoughts keep going around your head without any constructive plans your going to get no where.  

Try and brainstorm a solution to each problem you are facing now.  It will be tough at first.  But people will soon respect you when they see that you have really started to try and sort your life out.  

Answer 3

Past is over.... yet you drag it with you, and complain it's a heavy burden. Let it go.... by accepting what has been and what is.

And then, you will have transcended all unnecessary suffering. It's a process, a destination, and a way of life.

Answer 4

The first thing you should do is get into a mental health facility.

Many people in this world are handed a crappy deal from the time they are born. But most of those people find a way to cope and make things better for themselves. You seem to just be angry and feeling sorry for yourself and taking it out on others who have nothing to do with you. YOU are the one who has made things worse and continue on your downward spiral. Only YOU can bring yourself out of it.

You need to set goals for yourself - small goals that won't overwhelm you. Everytime you accomplish something set a new goal and raise the bar. People have come out of worse slumps than you are in and lived a very happy and prolific life. But no one will just GIVE it to you - you must get yourself a plan and work your butt off.

BE BRAVE. FACE LIFE.

Good luck.

Answer 5

you dont need anyone else to help you out...

you have to prove yourself

you cnna give up this easily.....

think what are you good at.... and try to excel in it.. show the world what can you do...!

listen........  ' Tough times never last   but   tough people do....! '

Answer 6

please dont give up, never give up i too almost gave up and i am only thirteen and i know that you have had a lot more experience but i promise you your life will prolly get passed these hard times.. and if it is for you you should try to go to church it has helped me a lot even though i have gone all my life i finally understand and pay attention to the meaning of the services.

Answer 7

stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something to change your life. it doesn't get handed to you on a plate and there are LOTS of agencies out there willing to help. go find them.

Answer 8

That's a h**l of a lot of information there in one go! It's obvious to me that you are a very intelligent person, and could do a lot with your life.  I'm sure the third to last little paragraph was written in anger and frustration, and that you know this will solve nothing and only lead to furthering your problems.  

Something that is very important to do at the moment is concentrate on the good things in your life.  What good things, you may ask, but like you said, you have a little flat and a computer.  That's a h**l of a lot when you think about it! You might not even have that. there must be some form of online communities that you can join to build up your confidence, that way you don't have to physically interact with people until they get to know you.  

Is there no way you can move away from where you are? Somewhere where no one knows you and your history and past aggression issues? I know this may be hard if you are on benefits, but do you have any family anywhere in the country that could help?

There are days when a lot of people feel that there is no point in carrying on, that it's not worth it, but it really is! You may have a few little health issues, but on the whole you are a healthy person who could do a h**l of a lot to contribute to society.  Never give up or think that life is hopeless. Your past is your past, and no one needs to know what has happened in it. If you get a chance to move away, then no one will know anything about you.  A clean slate is a very powerful thing!

I wish you all the luck in the world, and I hope you manage to find someone to share your life with.  The best of wishes to you!  x*x

Answer 9

They all mean the same thing- life is life. All of those things just equal... life. And you sound like you have a hard one. This is your challenge. God gave you a challenge- you can't wait for the world to prove itself to you. Prove yourself to the world. You're waiting for the world to see you can change. Injuries won't heal sometimes. But there you go- it's nothing compaired to what emotional injuries you have. NO ONE and I repeat NO. ONE. Has. A. Perfect. Life. Millionaires can be some of the saddest people in the world. It's alright to be upset about this- people don't come to you. Come to people. Go join something to help society. No matter how bad it seems, there's never an answer that contains the words, "It's all over". It's not over. YOU do not decide when it's hopeless. Because it never is. There is always something you can do.

But you can't rely on Yahoo! Answers to help you find the key to unlock your new life! You need to take it into your own hands to start over! Ignore any physical hurt, for now - forget about it- find what you can do for yourself to straighten out your life! You can do it. I wish you good luck, but if there's one thing you should know, it's that it's

NEVER

HOPELESS.

Answer 10

I too, am trying to find a good paying job in computers, so I know how difficult it can be.  What you need to do is focus on the good things in your life, and be grateful for them.  I know it's hard, but you have to it's your only choice.   And pray.