Is it perceived as paranoied to confront someone who has been behaving differently with you?

Question

I am talking about 2 "friends" from work that I have been having lunch with everyday and seen outside of work once in a while. They are very good friends together and I am worried that I am being the third wheel even though I don't impose myself and always wait for their invite to do things. However, lately I have been feeling like there is something they are not telling me. You know that "weird feeling" and I am not sure if I should ask them if something is wrong or trust that if that's the case,and if they are true friends, they will tell me.

Answer 1

Its probably just you. If a week or 2 goes by and you don't hear from them, go ahead and ask whats up.

can't hurt.

Answer 2

I'm in a situation similar to this only its with two neighbor girls. I just moved here and they've known each other for years. I totally feel like the third wheel and when they invite me out I'm not much fun cuz I feel uncomfortable.

They have a lot of inside jokes and although I really want to get on the inside I want to take it slow.

I say be your own best friend. Hang out alone and only go with them when you're invited. Don't do the whole 'inserting yourself' thing. Thats when they'll get irritated.

Answer 3

You can always ask but be prepared to accept the answer.

It is possible they are doing some things together and are not including you.  Maybe they are becoming best friends and feel embarrassed because they have to watch what they say around you.  Nobody likes to have their two friends talking about the movie they are going to see or have seen when you weren't even asked.

You call them "friends" from work.  Notice the quotation mark.  It is difficult to have a true friend with someone you work with.  Once you leave the job, would you still spend time together?  You might find that really difficult to do because you aren't right there to offer or accept an invitation.  You can no longer count on seeing them every day.  This is normal behavior in this sort of situation.

Go ahead and tell them you feel something is going on and they aren't telling you about it.  But, be prepared for whatever they say.  You can't get mad when they tell you because it is obvious, at least to you, that they don't want to.  Maybe they know something work related or about someone close to you that won't make you happy when you hear about it.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes, Just say have I offended you in any way and just tell them your feelings. Usually that will put people on the defense or confess what is on there heart. Works all the time.

Answer 5

I don't think you're paranoid.  I'd just ask them what's up if it bothers you that much.  Tell them that you've noticed and see what their reaction is, and then leave it at that.  Heck, why worry?

Personally, I don't like head-games.  I don't like to expend any effort on people who make me feel uncomfortable.  I like to direct my energy towards people with whom I am at ease so it doesn't feel so much like work to be friends with each other.

I think you can still be friendly with them, I'd just ease off on the activities you do with them if they don't seem receptive to keeping you in their circle.

PS:  The saying is indeed "third wheel" in this context.  A "fifth wheel" is a type of truck-and-trailer rig which has its joint in the middle of the truck bed as opposed to the rear bumper.  This is done for ease in maneuverability, and needless to say, it has nothing to do with paranoia or friendships.

Answer 6

Hmmm... very good question. Are you closer with one more so than the other? What you might want to do is ask them seperately and kind of see if there stories match up. Try to do it when you know they cant talk to each other about it.

Good luck those either way, I hope I helped

Answer 7

If nothing is wrong, they will reassure you.

If something is wrong, they will call you paranoid.

Also, just because it's a pet peeve of mine, the saying is "fifth wheel" not "third wheel."