Is it possible for Grandparent's to be too involved in the life of their Grandkids?

Question

I find it hard to get to know other parent's when I have to "entertain" my parents at every school activity and ballgame.

Answer 1

yes

its all good they want to go see their grandkids but they shouldnt expect you to host them...they should be talking to other grandparents

Answer 2

The time we have to spend with our grandparents is very limited.  Some people are lucky enough to have grandparents through out their adult life.  Others aren't so lucky, I being one of them.  I think back and wish I would have done more with them.  I wish they could have been cheering me on at ball games.  Being that my family is huge, there are a lot of grandchildren.  I understand that I couldn't be so selfish and demand their presence at all of my functions.  So I feel blessed to have had the times with them that I did.  

Now I agree that some grandparents are doing too much by raising their grandchildren.  Meaning they're enabling their own child by raising their grandchildren.  Unfortunately I have an aunt and uncle raising their two grandchildren while allowing their daughter to live with them and do absolutely nothing other then collect a welfare check.  This is what disgusts me.  But there are amazing grandparents out their who willingly raise their grandchildren to give them a better childhood and upbringing because their own child can't or won't.  

If the parents are raising their children well and the grandparents want to control how they're raising the kids then I'd say the grandparents are going too far.  They should respect their children's boundries and just be the grandparent.  But if they're not trying to control anything other then to be apart of the grandchildren's lives as much as possible.  Then I say allow them to.  Let them get the joy they need from their grandchildren.  Let them influence them and make as many memories as possible.  Children are such a joy.  They can turn a day gone bad into an evening full of laughter.  Your parents know this and are taking full advantage of the time they have with their special grandchildren.

If you would really like to get to know the other parents I suggest getting with the coach and maybe setup like a get together for the kids and parents.  A function to where everyone can meet eachother and talk.  This is also great for the children as they bond even more with their teammates.  Heck I'd even invite your parents and allow them to enjoy the children and people.  

I believe that connecting with the people around us is what life is about.  Because when we connect we love, we respect and we experience.  

I was watching a movie last night regarding a grandparents relationship with their grandchildren.  Someone said that the relationships work so well between the two because they both have a common enemy, the parents.  It seems so true and actually funny.  My grandparents always let me get away with a little more then I should have.  My parents would tell me not to sucker them into anything as I always did.  My grandpa would always tell my dad that it's his job to spoil us and my dad's job to raise us.  I think my grandpa was right.  Even though they had so many grandchildren, they always made me feel special.  That's an unconditional love that every child deserves to feel.  I wish you and your family the best of luck!

Answer 3

I think it really depends on how the grandparent behaves and their personality. Certain people when they are around you so much they just seem like well... stalkers.  

Answer 4

By the sounds of it yes.  Be selective to your parents about what's happening at school.  Otherwise you are going to have to be honest and talk to your parents' but in a manner that doesn't hurt them too much, they obviously care a great deal about your kids.  

Answer 5

yes. Just don't tell them when certain things are coming up. If they insist on coming along every time, stand up to them and tell them that it's not a good time for you right now and that you will record the event for them and send them a tape of it.

Answer 6

Your children's grandparents attend all their activities, and you think this is a bad thing??? Wow, amazing! What a lot of people wouldn't give for parents like that! Think how good this is for your kids!

That said, if you want to branch out, it's simple. Just tell Grandma and Grandpa that you're trying to make roots in the community and you're going to be busy at activities trying to make contacts with other parents. Then, when you want to go mingle, excuse yourself politely and go. If they can't deal with that --- ohhh, well, their problem. Just be nice, and then they will be responsible for their (hopefully reasonable) response.

Answer 7

Why do you have to entertain them? They have a right to be there, its their grandchildren, but that should be where your involvement ends. However, I am curious as to how you will explain to your children that you making friends with other parents was more important than their grandparents being at their events. Look around you, how many other grandparents are front and center for their grandkids.

You are a grown woman, you should know how to say "mom and dad, excuse me for a minute, I'm going to go talk to Susie's mom right over there."  

Answer 8

Grandparents can absolutely cross any and every boundry and keep going like there wasn't one in the first place.  You are the parent, set the line and keep it.  If you want to enjoy your child playing a role in the school play of a position on the team you should be able to without having to deal with overpowering in-law's or grandparents.  Tell them that you will invite them to events as you see fit but you want to be able to enjoy raising your children without being monitored by them 24/7.  Tell them YOUR childrens events are now invitation ONLY, no exceptions.  They do not have any rights as grandparents unless you grant them to them.  I have a mother in law from h**l that we had to shut down about 2 years ago and she has been pouting ever since but these are our children not her's.  That means no just dropping by the house or school events without asking as well. Take control back from your parents.  They raise you, that does not mean they get to play parent again with your own children.  You are an adult make them remember that and make them show you some respect instead of just showing up everywhere just as if they were their own children.  They may p**s a fit but the alternative is no interaction with the children until they agree to the new boundaries.  Good luck.

Answer 9

I suppose that depends on whether the mother of the child allows it.  A grandparent no doubt feels some sense of purpose to play a role in the child's life.  Some grandparents choose to take a back-seat and allow the parents to do their job as a parent, yet there are those grandparents who want to be involved in every aspect of the child's life.  I don't think there is anything wrong with what you have described the grandparent's in this instance of doing.  They are no doubt very proud of their grandchild, and maybe that's their sole purpose of living-the child being the centre of their world.  If you feel you have to entertain your parents then I would explain to them how you feel and that you would like to meet other parents.  They probably haven't even considered this as an issue and I'm sure there shouldn't be a problem with you sitting separately, or together...but with not complete contact with each other-so that you have the opportunity to interact with other parents.  They sound like very good and caring grandparents to me, and you should feel lucky that they take this much interest in your child :)