Is it possible to be adopted as a minor if...?

Question

you still have parents? I live in NC, if that helps. I live with my birth parents and would like to be legally adopted by someone else, but they will not agree? Is this at all possible, or am I wasting my time? Please let me know-and although I understand comments about working things out with my parents, how I only have 2 years left, and how God will get me though all of this, they are not necessary. I've been physically and mentally abused by my parents, (punches, hits, holding down, telling me I am worthless and they day I am out of their lives will be their best day, that I am worthless and a waste of breath). They put me down everyday and I don't feel safe in my house. They care about their image and don't act like this in public or when others are around-I told my 2 closest friends and they don't believe me, so I am afraid to talk to my guidance councelor. ...continued

Answer 1

You would need their conscent unless proving them unfit, that is where i have a problem with you being adopted by a family of your choosing. You may want to check into what happens if you have them proven unfit. You may end up in foster care for longer than you expected. Maybe your friends will not pass a home study. You wil belong to the state at that point. I'm concerned it wil not turn out the way you expected. Be careful.

Answer 2

Shannan,

First let me say, I do not disbelieve you nor would I disrepect your feelings by questioning their validity - feelings are valid in any case. I am truly sorry that you are unhappy and afraid and I hope that you will find some solace. It sounds as though you need to find some peace.

Let me also say I know how hard teenhood can be and how all families have issues. I do not assume to know the details of what goes on in your home but have seen abuse, neglect and also families in crisis. They are not always the same thing.

I live in NC as well and have experience in the NC Family Court system as a children's advocate. I will be brutally honest about your choices (excluding "working it out with your 'rents) here.

If you  are seriously in danger, my first suggestion is to contact CPS and speak to someone about your situation. If that makes you uncomfortable, talk to your guidence counselor, older relative, church youth leader or other trusted adult. Start documenting your abuse and keep talking until someone listens.

If CPS decides there are grounds to remove you, here is what to expect: You will be under state custody and placed in a group or foster home. You may be assigned a GAL or CASA to speak on your behalf and represent you in court. (In NC, 12 years old is considered the age at which a child may testify for themselves in matters concerning their custody - barring incompatency or other special circumstances - so you are old enough to go before a Judge and speak for yourself either way.)

Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) will not be granted unless your parents are proven to be unfit - after a case service plan of as much as a year to 16 mos. - or they agree to relinquish their rights. The Judge must be sure that there is NO possibility of keeping your biological family in tact. Then you will be free for adoption.

If you are adopted you will lose all support & inheritance rights, legal relationship to your biological siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles; and you will no longer have free access to your original brith certificate. You will have another family, rights, papers and maybe a new name and will essentially have new parents to love, obey and otherwise deal with. Just remember: There are "perfect" families but THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FAMILY THAT IS PERFECT.

If you are not adopted, you will live in a (multiple) group or foster home(s) until you age out of the system, with no legal family or support from the state.

If you can find a roommate situation with a reputable female adult you may still be considered for emancipation. If you have money for an attorney, you may wish to schedule a consultation and get some professional help with becoming declared an adult. Many atty's give free consultations and some will give you a break on fees considering your situation. I will tell you emancipation is difficult and I only saw one granted in five years as an advocate. I have heard few stories where emancipation worked out well for someone but many about those that did not.

It sounds scarey, messy, complicated and sad, doesn't it? That's because it all those things even when you are being abused and even if you are lucky enough to be adopted into a wonderful family. If you are sure it is better than your home situation and you are in danger, DO NOT hesitate to get help.

I am in no way saying that there aren't wonderful foster and adoptive homes with tremendous benefits or that you should suffer or risk your life because you have limited options. If your parents are unfit your SHOULD get help - just be ready for what is ahead. These decisions will have an incredible impact on your life and your future.

Please find someone you can talk to. (If I knew where you were I might be able to give you a name.) You need support and comfort from people who can help you deal with this emotionally and practically. I am sorry that you feel the way you do - no one should have to feel unloved. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that things work out for you.

Feel free to e-mail me privately if I can help you further.

Answer 3

Report the abuse.  Offer to take a lie detector test.  Even if it isn't admissable in court, just the fact that you offer to take one might go a long way with the school counselor.  They are mandated by law to report abuse to the authorities.  If you ever get hit again, call 9-1-1 IMMEDIATELY.  Do it while the red is still there, and you will probably get removed immediately.

I hate parents that do this to kids.  I've adopted a baby, and wish for another child, and would give anything to be able to give birth and raise a child.  I'd love to be able to adopt again, and then those that have the gift of being able to produce a child do this.  Thumbs down to your parents!

Answer 4

im so sorry to hear this my cousin was abused what he did is a family member took him in because if you turn in your parents you will be turned into social services so if you have a family member you trust i would talk to them first about it and then if that didnt work out YES your guidance counselor HAS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT RIGHT THEN but you have to make the decision do you wont to get a job working as much as you can i would recommend movie theatre because you go in after school say till most people are asleep that would keep you away from them alot and you would be making money to save up to move out when you turn 18 yrs old or you can turn them in if you go on a search engine and put in how to turn in a child abuser in nc they will provide you with a phone number to call its confidential and they will do something about it but you cant get adopted if your parents are not going to give up there rights so i would try the above things i talked about it helped my cousin his mom was doing drugs and locking him out of the house it provely saved his life i would strongly suggest turning them in people can really put you down mentally and emotionally im going to put you under my contacts so if you have any other questions i will try to help you out i sorry this happened to you but i hope this helped

Answer 5

If you're not reporting the abuse, you'll never get away from it.  Please let the authorities know.

Answer 6

Report them to Child Protective Services

http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/local/in...

Answer 7

I am so sorry for you, it sounds like your life is really hard. Try setting up a hidden web cam or tape recorder to show the abuse, you obviously have intelligence as you are weighing your options, If you can show the abuse that should help with the emancipation issue. Do you really want to be adopted by someone else, do you have someone in mind, have you spoke to them about it, are they really serious <it is easy to say I would adopt you if I could but harder to follow through with>? That makes you legally theirs, you can have them appointed your guardian instead. It is also hard for older kids to be adopted if you don't have someone willing. Good luck <hugs> you sound like you could use one.

Answer 8

It takes a lo-o-o-ong time to terminate parental rights. If one or both parents fight it, it could drag on for years, and you will be an adult by then. Nothing that involves family court happens quickly!

I don't know what you call Child Protective Services in your area, Department of Social Services or something? Check your county listing (the blue pages in the Yellow Pages phone book) for the child abuse hot line - it's available 24 hours a day. Call and talk to them about what's happening and what your fears are. If abuse is reported, they HAVE to investigate.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine not being loved and cherished by my own parents. There is something wrong with them not to recognize your value, not only as a human being but as their own flesh and blood!

Answer 9

Wow...you have a tough situation.  The behavior of your parents is clearly abusive.  

I am no expert on how things work with CPS in NC but my impression is that the legal system will not provide a quick or easy answer to your situation and may even make it a bit worse if you need to stay with your parents (who I am sure will claim they are good parents and that you are just an impossible teenager) while you are working through the process.  

You need to be practical and develop a "Plan B"...Surviving the next two years and figuring out how to make your new life without your parents as good as it can be

- For the next two years stay out of your parents way as much as you can.  Spend time with friends, family, church, extra stuff after school....whatever you can just so you can limit your time with them.  Try to make sure the people you spend time with are good, kind and have their heads on straight.

- Your parents have issues and you are not going to be able to fix them.  Try not to make them mad.  There maybe nothing you can do here...they don't sound rational or like they have  very good self control but if there are things you know will set them off don't do them.  It would be great if you could just be a normal kid and not have to worry about this but that is not the situation you describe.  No point of getting into the line of fire if you don't have to.

- Plan your future.  What will you do, how will your support yourself and where will you live after you leave home.  Think about a job.  Can you get one now?  It would give you another reason to get out of the house.  Be a good employee so that you can build your experience and references.  As you get closer to your 18th birthday try to find a reasonably priced room you can rent in a healthy environment.  Try to figure out a way to go to college at least part time.   Try to build a support system of friends and maybe a church (don't know where you stand on religion) who can be there for you as you venture into this next part of your life.

Remember you have a lot of years in front of you.  While I know you are miserable right now the 2 years you have left is pretty short relative to all the time you will have after you leave home.   Hang in there, stay strong and look to the future.  Plan for  those next 60+ years.  You have your whole life ahead of you.  Work to make it what you want it to be.

Take care and God Bless.  

~ T

Answer 10

I think your parents have to consent to you being adopted.

you should talk with a councelor at school

and you should also call the national c hild abuse hotline - you can look it up online (the number) and tell them whats going on

you can also call your local department of social services and ask to speak with someone in child protective

thats the best route for you to go,, and they wil get you out of the situation you are in - if they dont help the first time - keep calling