Is it possible to be in a healthy, balanced relationship when you have a dysfunctional family?

Question

My parents are divorced and my family is completely dysfunctional. My father is passive-aggressive and his mother has a similar temperament. They enable each other's controlling and manipulative behaviour, and my dad has always had issues of anger management as well.

As a result my family is completely dysfunctional and I have realized this affects the way I behave in relationships and in general. I have a hard time assessing if my relationships are healthy because I have no comparison of a healthy way to behave and communicate.

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with my partner, and if so how do I do this? How do I assess whether or not it's healthy or if I'm falling into unhealthy patterns?

Answer 1

First off, kudos to you for asking such an insightful & intelligent question.  The answer is conscious awareness.  You recognize the possibility of dysfunction, so what you would do well to do is guard against it.  Be aware of the things you do and say, and consciously ask yourself often how you could improve.  Also, do not neglect to congratulate yourself when you use good communication skills, speak assertively, and so forth.  Seek out a partner who communicates well, lives responsibly and openly, and wants things for his future similar to what you want.  

If those things not enough, start reading relationship self help books by reputable authors.  And if even that is not enough, there is nothing wrong with going to a counselor on a periodic basis to get help recognizing your dysfunctional patterns and getting coaching on how to break the cycle.  You can have a healthy relationship if you work at it, despite your past.  I hope you succeed!