Is it possible to suffer effects of separated and remarried parents later in life?

Question

My parents divorced when I was a baby and my dad straight away moved to England, I live in the Channel Islands with my mum.

When I was about 4 or 5 my Dad met another woman and moved to Scotland. When I was 6 they had a girl toghether, although we're quite close now I remember hating her at the time but I dont know why, then they had a boy when I was 7. When I was 8 they got married and had another girl. Ever since then I cant remember being able to tell my dad anything or even properly talk to him.

My mum owned her own business as a bar licencee but when I was 11 we moved from our house above the pub and into a states (council) house.

When I was about13 I went to live with my dad, because my mum (although not known then) had a nervous breakdown due to losing her business, but I was only there for two months when I came back to live with my mum because I couldnt get used to the lifestyle change, I'd only ever seen my dad for about 2-6 weeks a year then all of a sudden I never saw my mum. My mum had always been a "let-me-do-what-I-want mum" and my dads ways were more father figurely i suppose, I dont really know why I found it so bad but I did. My mum had got a new boyfriend and sorted herself out.

When I was 16 we were moved to a new states house. My mum has had 2 husbands, one for business eases, and a few boyfriends since my parents divorced, and is now happily single. The last time I went to my dad was 3 months after my 18th birthday, in December, for two weeks and whilst there he told me I could live there and get a job there anytime I wanted after college. I next spoke to him in April when I phoned to tell him I'd passed my driving test, which lasted for about 2 minutes because he was in a business meeting at the time, I havent heard from him since but contact my eldest younger sister through msn, text messages and bebo almost every other day to every week.

I have now left college and do want to live with my dad but dont want to leave my mum. I really want to have a closeness with my dad but dont know if thats possible when I can hardly sit in a room with him alone, it feels as if he's always trying to fault me or always telling me whats wrong with me. Could this be some sort of delayed-reaction to my parents divorce and re-marrying. If you think you can help with this please do, I'm desperate to have a bond with my dad. Thanks

Answer 1

Focus on strengths, not weaknesses of both you & Dad.

Google Desiderata (short piece) & read it. It should help you a lot with these issues.

I hope you find something here to constructively help. Regards UK

Answer 2

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Our childhood is our most delicate time.

Although a lot of people are affected early in life, many are also affected later. We can hide things from ourselves for years, sometimes our whole lives; some of us aren't lucky enough to keep things from ourselves, though.

Then again, it's better to deal with things, I suppose.

I can really relate to you. It's hard to have lived as a kid without a father figure, even if it didn't affect me then - it actually didn't affect me at all for so many years. I'm only fifteen right now, but my parents separated when I was five and got divorced when I was eight. I seriously wasn't affected in any manner - I never missed my dad, never even thought about him. Now I really need to have a father in my life. My father. Mother's getting remarried now, but the damage pretty much has been done. I'm not blaming either of them, but I was always a very sensitive child. And I'm still coping with it all.

I don't really know what to tell you as advice,

but I do know that I can tell you that people can have delayed reactions - from firsthand experience AND from hardcore research.

Ugh. Best of luck. I really hope you can figure something out. *hug*