Is it proper etiquette to buy someone a gift for a birthday party he invited me to?

Question

We're not close friends. My wife and I met him and his wife two years ago at a basketball game. Both of us are season ticket holders so we often talk about how the team is doing. I've been over to his house once and that was to watch a game with him. Other than that one time we have never hung out except for socializing at the games together. We've talked on the phone quite a bit (a lot of text messaging too) but the conversation is mainly always about basketball and our favorite team - nothing real personal. I get the feeling that he would like to hang out with us more often and be closer friends. To be honest with you, I really don't share the same feeling. He is having a little get together at his house for his birthday and he invited me and my wife to it. I really don't feel like going but I am because I felt bad saying no. Am I obligated to get him something?

Answer 1

You're never "obligated" to give anyone a gift.  That being said, it is usually expected to bring a birthday gift to a birthday party, and I can see how backing out would make things really weird when you go to the games afterward.  You're kind of stuck with him!  In this case, I say a card and maybe some small and I do mean small gift that's team related would be appropriate.  Or, you can suck it up and go on and tell him you can't or don't want to go to his party, then deal with the fall out, whatever it might be.  Either way, it sounds like a very uncomfortable position to be in, and I sympathize with you!

Answer 2

a little something yes. however, if you don't want to go then don't

Answer 3

Firstly, why aren't you interested in developing a friendship with this fella?  And do the wives not get along well?

Start from there.

Then if you have a legitimate reason, you should rethink "leading" him on.  It can be a tricky situation, as you do not want to hurt his feelings, but at the same time you don't want to be miserable by being around somebody that you don't particularly like.

If he is a nice man, and they are a nice couple, then why not let him be your "basketball buddy" friend?  Let him fill that role in your friendship roaster.  BBQ watch games together, go to sports bars etc.  Perhaps even branch-out a little bit and see if the conversation can be directed to other topics and maybe you'll discover that you have more things in common....and what better place to do that than a birthday get together!!!

So, yes, to answer your question regarding the birthday present.  Yes, it is proper etiquette to not go empty handed, but keep it simple and generic, don't get personal.

Does he drink?  What does he drink?  Take him a case or a bottle of his favorite ale or vintage.

If he's not a drinker, then at least you know he's a basketball fanatic, so go with something along those lines.

Now, after all that encouragement, let me just say this.

If the reason that you do not want to hang out with this man any more than you have to is because he is an obnoxious blankety-blank or arrogant or has personal hygiene issues...then by all means, don't torture yourself.  Pull the old "something suddenly came up" routine and then just kinda try blowing him off whenever he tries to contact you. Or you could go to the party and act like a complete *** or act like you and your wife are trying to find new recruits for your swingers group.... He actually night not want to be friends with you anymore! (just kidding, but it could work).  Good luck

Answer 4

I think you should get him something only because you said you would go to his party.  I wouldn't spend a lot, and don't get anything personal.  

Answer 5

If you're going, you have to get something. At least like a bottle of whiskey or a six-pack of beers or something. He's spending time to organize are party, guests are obligated to show their appreciation.

Next time, just say your busy.  

Answer 6

Yes, if you go to the party, you should bring a gift.  How about an item related to your mutual favorite team??? Can't go wrong there.

Answer 7

if you go to the party then you should bring a gift  it can be as simple as a magazine about basketball, or snacks for watching the game.. popcorn, peanuts, beer etc...... t token gift is ok for casual friends