Is it proper etiquette to have a housewarming when she already owned a home & should I give her anything??

Question

A few months ago, my cousin sold her home due to a divorce and bought a new home. This will be her THIRD house. She is having a housewarming party and sent me an invitation. On her invitation, she wrote, "monetary gifts appreciated".

I am a little annoyed that she has the audacity to have a housewarming party, considering this is her third home. Added to that, she indicated that she would prefer cash--in fact, she did not even bother to have a registry or send a list of household items she could use, which lets me know that she definitely wants cash.

I had been raised to have only one event like this--unless a considerable amount of time has lapsed. Also, I cannot simply afford to dole out money or gifts due to my own financial situation. Still, I would like to attend. My cousin and I get along--we are not terribly close, but we definitely are always happy to see each other. However, I feel that it took a lot of nerve for her to do this.

Answer 1

I don't know her, but it seems a bit rude, especially that she said that "Monetary Gifts Appreciated", as if she's trying to get you to give them, but it's up to you. Housewarmings are, in my opinion, for people that get their first house, like its a big step up in life.

Answer 2

I hope she is planning on serving a seven course meal to everyone  attending her "house - funding" party.  Of course, asking for money is bad form, but it is her bad form, not yours.  Do not assume that because she is asking for money, you have to provide it.  You don't.  My suggestion is that you take a plant for her garden and give it to her with your best wishes for her prosperous future in her new domain.  

From http://www.greatpartyrecipes.com comes this response:

As a guest, should I bring a gift?

Yes, unless the host has specified that they prefer no gifts. It's one of those things... the host must not expect a gift but the guest should bring one anyway. Housewarming party etiquette is pretty lenient here. There's always barware or the traditional houseplant, but your host may appreciate a gift card from a home improvement center even more.

A nice bottle of wine or champagne is a great gift; food and drink always make welcome gifts. In fact, an attractive serving platter or bowl, baking dish or soup tureen filled with one of your (or your host's) favorite recipes is one of the best gifts you can give. And a ribbon is all the wrapping you need, or is practical.

Answer 3

I would not go if you are uncomfortable.  The issue here is not how many house warming parties she has had.  The issue is you are strapped for cash and do not see this as a priority.  

It is interesting how you and I interpreted her comment "monetary gifts appreciated".   I did not take that to mean that she preferred cash over an actual gift.  I took it to mean that she was being sensitive to the fact that some people hate to shop or sometimes do not know what to get.  She may also have been meaning that a "gift card" works just as well.

It sounds like you are a somewhat jaded about the fact that she is on her third home.

If she sent you an invitation accept it not as her attempting to extort money from her guests but as an invitation to share in her joy in celebrating her new home.  A house warming is a house warming.  It doesn't matter how many you've had.  As far as setting up a house warming registry?  She's not getting married.  I think you would be quite embarrassed if you were the only one who showed up without a gift.  Save face and don't bother going.

Answer 4

Usually Id say that why not give her a gift. Even if it is her 3rd time, a nice house plant, or even a 20 dollar basket of goodies would be nice. But if shes asking just for cash then Id say forget about it. Obviously shes just trying to milk everyone for as much as she can.  

Answer 5

I would not go or give a gift of any kind. Best wishes to you.

Answer 6

i have an analogy for you

when your order didn't come with french fries but your friend's did

are you the type who would just reach out a grab a fry from your friend's plate or would you ask? if you're close friends you would feel comfortable just reaching out for a fry. after all half the time people can't finish their fries anyway. and you know your friend well enough you don't think he'll mind. it's the same thing with the asking for monetary gifts thing. your cousin probably didn't think you thought it was wrong to have more than one housewarming party. besides like you said she just had a divorce.

i say just by her some wine glasses or something and throw in the gift receipt or something.  

Answer 7

no

Answer 8

I agree that it is in poor taste to ask for money, but I am not certain she is actually asking for money.  I read it more as she would not say "no" to a monetary gift, but the invitation does not really ask for one.

Where I live we often have a house warming every time we move.  It is sort of like initiating the new house.  It is no big deal, but people are not expected to give gifts.  If they want to, they do, but it is not likely to be anything big, nothing more than you would bring as a gift to any dinner party.  Probably a house plant or something small.  

With situations like this, I think you have to choose what you want to do.  You could go, and give her something that you are comfortable with giving her, you could graciously decline the invitation, or you could give her a sort of "IOU" - a dinner out for the two of you at a later date, an offer to make something for the house if you are good at that sort of thing, a hand written book of your favorite recipes, a CD of music you have put together, or something like that.

If it were me, I would go and bring a small gift.

Answer 9

sounds like she didn't do too terribly well in the divorce settlement.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  It's probably not the greatest etiquette, but what's done is done.

Answer 10

You know what you should go and not give her money but get her a nice card.  What she is doing is downright greedy.  She basically needs money so she is having a so called "house warming"  to raise some money.  Don't give her any.  That nice card is enough.  I wouldn't have minded if she didn't put "monetary gifts only."  I can understand if you are getting married and write that on the invitation but to a house warming that's just plain rude.

Answer 11

Of course, I'm not you. But I think the same as you. I'd be tempted to send a "Thank's for inviting me to your upcoming housewarming. I'm sorry but I'll be unable to participate in this one. 'Hope you have a good turnout."

Answer 12

Sounds like she's low on cash so decided to throw a party and this was her excuse, or at least her only "good one".  NO you should NOT give her a gift, especially since it is her third home!!!!  I could see throwing a party to get family and friends together and show off the new house but to actually ask people to give you money is RUDE RUDE RUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 13

I agree with you, I find the begging for cash to be in extremely poor taste and low class. When someone moves into a new house, the appropriate, traditional gift is wine, bread and salt. You can get a nice bottle of wine, a loaf of bakery bread and gourmet salt. I found a link for very exotic and unusual, flavorful salts: http://www.salttraders.com/StoreFront.bo...

You might want some for yourself!

Bread...That this house may never know hunger.

Salt... that life may always have flavor.

And wine... that joy and prosperity may reign forever.  

Answer 14

I agree with your assessment.

Still, go, and give her something that ISNT cash, like tickets for both of you to go to movies together or something

Answer 15

I live in Australia, it may be different here but people often have a house warming every time they move, I have had several. Never heard of giving presents though, we usually just get drunk and eat food.

Answer 16

have manners, give her a gift.

bt if yer that weird about her,

save yer moneyy nd give

her sumthin small.

gud luk=]