Is it really selfish to have a destination wedding?

Question

Although im not getting married yet, ive always wanted to have a destination wedding in the carribean. The problem is im starting to hear that destination weddings are selfish for the bride and groom to have and that i dont understand. I told my mom and family about it and they just cringed. I never wanted a big wedding either way so i thought that it would be romantic and perfect to have one. I do feel bad for the people who wont be able to attend but i figured i can just show the wedding video at the reception or something like that. I wont expect the guest to pay for everything on their own... and they really dont have to come if they dont want to. To be honest I just want our immediate families to attend. That way we can have a nice dinner after or something. Sorry this is so long but im really curious about others experiences or opinions. So what do you think? Is it really a bad or selfish idea to have a destination wedding? Any comments would be greatly appreciated

Answer 1

No its actually my dream wedding.my idea was to have only my fiancee and I and our 3 children and do a familymoon and after we return have a nice cocktail style reception and show the wedding footage. My inspiration came from Tori Spelling wedding to Dean Mc Dormitt I thought there wedding was so beautiful.Go to in style weddings.com and you can see photos from their event. Hope this help vote me best answer Im trying to get to level 2 please!

Answer 2

I honestly do think that they are selfish. It should be a day about celebrating, not just your new life together, but also the family and friends who shaped your life before. That shouldn't be limited to the number of people who can afford plane fare. Plus, it's always been my belief that if you're throwing a party, you should be responsible for paying any fees necessary to attend. That's just me, though.

Answer 3

I don't think it's selfish at all.  Usually, the couple is paying for it themselves, and having a wedding for hundreds of people is unbelievably expensive - no matter how much you try to cut corners.  You could take your money and have a really nice wedding, complete with honeymoon for much less.

Trust me, it doesn't matter WHAT kind of wedding you have - somebody won't like it.  So, save yourself all the grief.

My husband and I were planning a vow renewal party.  It got so out of hand with everyone's "opinion" that we just announced "we're going to Hawaii - Renewing our Vows on the beach - We'll show you the pictures when we get back".  I didn't need the drama!

Answer 4

Considering the day you get married is about you and your other half, you have every right to get married when and where you both want to.  Whether it be a destination or not.  You could always have a blowout celebration when you get back with the people who could not make it.

It is not a bad or selfish idea IMO.

Answer 5

I'm not going to bash someone else's answer but in this day and age, you define what wedding means to you.  No one can tell you what a wedding is and what it isn't.  Like one person said, it's your wedding, you get to plan it, whether other people like your plans or not.  If you want approval from your mother, ask her what about your plans she doesn't like.  If you don't want or need her approval for you to be happy with your plans, don't worry about it.  You say you never wanted a big wedding, well then I wouldn't invite people you know won't be able to go.  If you honestly want just the immediate families to attend, only invite the immediate families.  The ball is in your court as of course, as I said, this is your wedding, and you are to define what a wedding is and how it will play out.  Good luck.

Answer 6

If you have a destination wedding you don't get to have a reception later.  No shower, bachelorette, or reception are the downside of a destination wedding.  The really big upside is that you only have to pay for your honeymoon because you don't have to pay for dinner for people at an all-inclusive resort.

Answer 7

I think its selfish personally. Look as much as many brides and grooms want to say that the wedding is about 'them' its not, its in reality two families coming together. Destination weddings can single ppl out. Destination weddings, IMO are also a fad, ppl like the fact going to the caribbean or beach and getting married, when in fact many ppl have the opportunity to do something like that close to home if it was really important to them.

I never did understand the destination wedding, by your reasoning, you could have a wedding at home, and then go to your 'destination' as part of your honeymoon, rather than dragging ppl to your 'destination' who may feel they can't afford it, but due to the fact that they are family are obliged to go. Sometimes its nice to keep some traditions.

Answer 8

the reason why, unless you are just loaded with $$ and can pay for every ones way to this destination wedding and hotel then don't do it.

not everyone wants to spend their vacation $$ on getting to your wedding, they also have to buy a gift

instead of the destination wedding have it local where everyone lives and spend your $$ on the honey moon

or have your destination wedding only with parents on both sides and no one else and after the honeymoon & your home have a reception and invite all your friends.

Answer 9

Arranged weddings are about the two families rather than the individuals, but that's not what real weddings are about.

On the one hand, it's reasonable to say "it's your wedding, you can do whatever you want." On the other hand, you need to make your wedding accessible to those that you wish to attend, or else let them not attend. If they do not attend your wedding because they can't afford a $1500 dollar plane ticket, you have no basis on which you can hold it against them. On the other hand, if they buy the ticket and attend anyway, even though they can't afford it, they cannot blame you for it.

Your relatives' "obligation" to attend is an illusion, whether or not they realize it, in the same way as their "entitlement" to an invitation is an illusion.

Consider who you really want to attend, who is closest to you, and consider what they can or cannot realistically afford in the same way that you would choose to have it in a handicap-accessible location. Aunt Jemima not being able to attend because there is no wheelchair ramp is a parallel obstacle to Grandma and Grandpa not being able to pay for airfare.

It's fair for you to want your wedding to take place in a nice, romantic setting that you will enjoy. If you do, though, you have to accept that it is possible that some people will not attend.

Answer 10

its not a bad or selfish idea...however, if you expect to have a big bridal shower with tons of people = tons of gifts, then your being selfish if those people won't be invited to your wedding.

Answer 11

I had one and I wouldn't have done it any other way! I invited everyone to the wedding,but wasn't mad at all if people couldn't attend. We then had a local formal reception for the people who couldn't make it. We showed the wedding ceremony dvd throughout the reception. Everything turned out perfect.

It's YOUR day...enjoy it :-)

Answer 12

It's not selfish to have a destination wedding, as long as you realize that not that many people could come, and it sounds like you'd prefer it that way.  I've even known of family members who have not attended due to work or school scheduling conflicts, and that may be why your family cringed when you told them.  

A destination wedding actually puts a lot of pressure ~ financially and time wise ~ on the attendees, so bear that in mind if you follow your dream.

Take care and God bless!

Answer 13

Speaking as a mother I would be very disappointed if my kids, I have four, opted for a destination wedding that I couldn't afford to attend....most parents feel certain milestones are so important in their child's life and feel cheated if they aren't there...the birth, the first smile, first laugh, first time a baby rolls over, first time they sit up unaided. First steps, first tooth, etc and that includes first day of school, all graduations and yes, the day they become someone's spouse....

Nothing wrong with a second honeymoon with a private vow renewal for a married couple...even a several times married person in fact, they're probably doing their families a favor by eloping lol....But when an adult child marries for the first time.....it breaks a parent's heart if they can't witness that.....

Now I married for the second time quite recently and I was gonna elope...I figured heck, we are both in our fifties and this is a second go-around for both...he has no kids, mine are all grown up...I ran it by my eldest and she got upset! All four said they wanted to be there, especially since they like the guy I married and they said I was obviously so happy with him....Did I say 'It's My Day, MY Way???" No, I didn't cut them out, nor my sister, her two kids, my BIL and my Mom (my dad had passed)........so the destination will be saved for our second honeymoon and we spent our budget on a small family style wedding so my kids could be there...maybe not as 'romantic' but having them there far outweighed not having that 'excitement'...heck any just the two of us get-away can fit the bill....but when you get married, especially if it;s for the first and hopefully the only time...why cut family out of it?

So yes, I do consider destination weddings a bit selfish for young, first time bride's & grooms...from parent's perspective and Hon, showing a video at an after the fact party is not  same thing as being there and sharing that special ceremony that binds two people together......answer your question?

Answer 14

I had a friend that had a destination wedding. Many friends and family members were hurt and upset that they weren't invited to the wedding, which caused them a lot of dramas. The brides parents could afford to go but the groom's parents couldn't. They felt obligated to attend and put themselves under extreme financial pressure to attend the wedding which has also caused resentment. The groom was also upset because he always wanted his brother to attend his wedding but he was unable to.

I personally don't think it is selfish, and it can be a great experience for many people. But before you go ahead with it you should consider your own family and friends. Would the ones you want to attend be able to afford it? Would there be people who would be overly offended if they weren't invited? If not then go ahead. However, if the answer is yes it might cause more drama having a destination wedding than a wedding closer to home and you could just go on a honeymoon instead.

Answer 15

How is that selfish? Because you choose not to spend ungodly amounts of money on a hall and catered food? You can always have a reception when you get back. Your idea about the video is a good one. Or better yet, the families and friends can throw you one as a surprise!

Answer 16

I don't think it is. Its your wedding. You can have a party when you get back for everyone else.

Answer 17

no not at all, besides your the one who's getting married, it's your decision what to do for wedding,, i was thinking of the same thing before but i wanted everyone to see my fiance and i get married so we're just going to have a big wedding =)

please answer my question too

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 18

I personally think it's selfish. There's no way we could really afford to go. Once we paid air fare, lodgings, etc., etc., and all of the interest because we would have to put in on our credit cards, it could easily add up to between $2,000 and $4,000 for 2 of us. Easily. I just had to decline going to a friend's wedding because it would have cost about $3,000 for the two of us to attend - and that was IN the United States!

I hate to send a gift and that's it. I don't care about going to some fancy reception - I just like to spend time with people I care about and see the wedding - not watch a video.

I'd definitely do the ceremony here and then go to the "destination" you have in mind for your honeymoon.

But you do what you want.

Answer 19

I have to be honest and say that I didn't read any of the other responses...I only read your comments.  My thought is this...your wedding day is YOUR wedding day.  It's not about your guests or your family, nor is it about what they want.  This is a day for YOU and YOUR FIANCE to celebrate your love & become one.  If you want this special moment to happen on a beach, on a cliff, or while sky-diving, so be it!  It's your day.  It's your dream.  It will be YOUR memory!  This is one of the only times in life that you get to do what you want.  Make yourself happy!  Dont create a moment for anyone else other than you & your fiance.  You deserve to have what you want - regardless of what your mother, father, other family or friends might think or say!  

Go to the beach, get married & record it all on video!  Then, show the video at the reception with the 300+ people your parents would want to be there!

Answer 20

I too had a destination wedding because it's what I wanted; and at the end of the day; you do what you and your fiance` wants. It's not about what other people want. People said that about us;but almost 5 years later; I'm happy with my decsion. We had a reception when we got back and all the comments .,went out the window when they saw how happy we were...it's about you & the person you will spend the rest of your life with.