Is it really that strange that I prefer to adopt to have biological children?

Question

I realise adoption is very expensive and not perfect either but in my eyes therre is nothing more beautiful than adopt a child who was born in a hopeless situation AND I can´t see any advantages of having biological children I can only think of all the physical hardships and I don´t care for having a child with my and my husband´s genes or that looks like us...do you think I am being immature or maybe just not ready for children?? the problem is that I will be 33 soon and the clock has started to tick...

anyone who feels like me?? and what did you decide???

Answer 1

I adopted babies and I love them so much.  In my mind there is not a difference between having a baby and adopting - both are amazing.  You have to choose what is right for you and your husband and go on that journey.  I really wanted to adopt and we talked about it before we even got married or tried to get pregnant.  So I really don't think it is strange to not want to have a bio baby.  I worked with emotionally disturbed children and most of them were in foster care - so that is why I really wanted to adopt once I was ready for kids of my own.  Anyway, get with a good agency and get informed so you make the right choices for your family - domestic vs. international, traditional vs. nontraditional, public vs private... Good for you for wanting to adopt.  I know you will find the baby of your dreams!  Good luck.

Answer 2

Ummm immature no. You want to do something not most ppl care to do. Take a child and give them a family, thats worth more than having your own. You just don't want a child of your own b/c you would rather help a child who doesn't have a home. Thats better than anything I think and a very mature choice. Your husband should see that to. I want to adopt to really, not that I am scared to have childern of my own but b/c I want to help. I know how you feel and it is perfect the way you do. But I also want a child of my own possibly so I personally think you should go for it, a family for some child who doesn't have one is not wrong ^_^

Answer 3

You do make lots of sense.  I hope you will be blessed with a baby adopted or birth.  I also thought of adopting . I am 34 and biological clock is ticking away with me also.  :)  I have been TTC for three years and gotten nowhere so that is why I thought of adoption.  I think is is nice to give a child a much needed home.

Answer 4

Please don't see adoption as rescuing a helpless child out of a hopeless situation.  This is a horribly negative legacy for a child to carry.  And it is not necessarily accurate.

Adoption is simply another way to be a parent.  No more and no less.  

Children should not come with built in expectations.  They are not here for us to get attention, for us to be considered heroes, or for us to pity or rescue.

I fully applaud anyone's choice to adopt, as long as they are not attaching some baggage to that decision -- baggage which that child will have to carry his whole life!

I have worked with several parents who could have all the biological children they wanted, and instead chose to adopt.  Period.  No reason necessary.

Answer 5

There's NOTHING wrong with wanting to provide a loving home for a child who is already here and NEEDS one.  The world is full enough, and we NEED more people like you who want to adopt.  There are many kids who are in foster care, no longer an infant, have siblings and/or special needs who need homes in this country, and there are plenty of children in developing countries who also need homes.  Also, you mentioned physical hardships.  Pregnancy's not for everyone, especially if you've had any kind of issues/problems in "those areas."

I'm a few years younger than you, but think like you do.  (Well, I'm going to wait until I'm married and have taught full-time for a few years.)  Feel free to contact me or add me to your contacts if you wish.

Answer 6

I feel the smae way as you do! My husband and I have adopted our 3 wonderful daughters, and now he wants to have a biological child too. I am fine with never having biological children.  I am 32 years old and have never really had the want or need to do this. I don't consider my kids "lucky" to have us. I consider us "lucky" to have them! I do however wonder what would have happened to them if we hadn't taken them in and loved them.  I don't feel like we rescued them, but there is some sense of self satisfaction that goes along with adopting a child who otherwise may not have ever known the love and security of a family! I think it's wonderful that you have dedicated your life to raising your adopted children!!

Answer 7

Ive been thinking this for many years myself.  I dont think there is anything strange about it. I feel that if you do adopt, that is very noble of you. There are so many children in foster homes waiting for a good home. I used to know a woman who had 3 adopted children, and she was completely happy with that and had no want to birth her own.

When the time comes, I will adopt.

If you truely feel that you want to adopt, it is a long process, but will be worth it, because you will be nuturing a beautiful child that would otherwise not have the benefit of your love.

Answer 8

My husband and his sister are both children who were adopted. They will both tell you that not once have they felt that they were rescued from a" hopeless situation". That being said, if you are willing to love children, nurture, care for and raise them. Then go for it!

If my husband and I could, we would happily add to our home. Right now we have 7 children of our own. Biologically ours, but adoption has always been something we considered a privilege and honor. We view it as a chance to be given a great gift. Each of our children are wonderful gifts and to be bestowed the honor of raising another one would be fabulous! It doesn't matter how a child comes to your home, it matters how you love and care for it.

Answer 9

Physical hardships?  

I got lost there.

I always knew that I wanted to adopt. When I met my husband, before I agreed to marry him he had to understand and agree to that.

We don't have biological children, but we do have two beautiful children. There isn't a difference in the love that is given or shown between us. I'm so very grateful for them every day for being in my life.  

When people say, "They are so lucky to have you."  It hurts. My children are not damaged. They are not second class citizens. I always respond with how lucky my husband and I are to have them in our lives and how blessed we are.

Love is Love. To be a parent is a beautiful thing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding to take a different path in life than others.  The love is all the same.

Answer 10

I don't think that it is strange at all. My husband and I have agreed to adopt all of our children as well. We adopted our first born this past February and are anxious to start our next adoption soon. So...go for it! It is a remarkable journey!

Answer 11

It's not strange at all! As long as you really want a child and you really don't want to birth one, then go for it! To each his/her own!

I'm the opposite, I'm single and my biological clock is nearly out but adoption does not appeal to me. I plan to use a donor.

Each of our choices is the right one for the persons involved. Just because they are unusual choices for each of our situations means nothing.

Answer 12

Immature for wanting to adopt a child?? Are you serious?? Adopting has to be one of the most mature and caring thing a person can do. I do not have any adopted children but I truly admire a person who is willing to take on the unknown to make a child's life better. Good luck.

Answer 13

I don't think it is strange that you want to adopt a child and not have one of your own. I am glad there are people out there who do adopt kids. I was adopted and I wouldn't tread it for  the world.

Answer 14

We are adopting rather then having our children biologically.  If an accident happened we would be happy about it, but biology isn't that important to us.  We want to be parents, and there are children out there who need parents.   We don't see ourselves as saving a child, but mutually benefitting a child and ourselves by adopting.  

Adoption is a wonderful way to grow your family, and it is totally your decision how you build your own family.  Good luck!

Answer 15

I don't think there is anything wrong with preferring to adopt. There are a lot of children without families, and I think it is not only great but a very mature decision. Plus, the world is so overpopulated as it is, there is no sense in adding to the population if you are happy opening your home and heart to a child who is up for adoption. I say that when you feel ready, go for it. Best of luck!

Answer 16

My husband and I started talking about adoption very early in our relationship...the first month or so. We had both considered single parent adoption. We're currently a "waiting family."  As far as biological kids go, I've always wanted children, but I've never pictured them looking like me. We've never done anything to prevent the biological kids, but they haven't happened. I'm not into infertility treatments because there are enough kids on this planet who need parents, and we don't need to go creating more! I also don't like any of the options of getting a child who develops inside of me out of my body.

Answer 17

No, I don't think the way you're thinking has anything to do with being immature or not being ready for children. I have also thought similarly about this issue. However, I would suggest doing some reading about adoption-related issues that children sometimes have as they grow up, knowing that they were adopted. There are issues around grief and loss, even for children who have never met their birth parents. There is also an issue for children as they become teenagers, who want to make contact with their birth parents. Sometimes this is just out of curiosity, to have specific questions answered, or to develop some type of relationship with the birth parent. How would some of these issues make you feel?  Do you feel like you have the patience and willingness to help a child understand his/her circumstances? Assuming you would be honest with the child, about the adoption, which is strongly recommended these days by adoption professionals. These types of issues can resurface many times as the child matures emotionally too so it is something you will continue to deal with. My advice is to do the reading, attend a support group to see how this type of parenting may hold different issues that you don't even know about yet. This may change the way you look at adoption in general. If not, and all it does is inspire you to adopt a child, then I say go for it!  Also, have you thought about adopting an older child? There are so many out there who need a good family... There is no waiting list if you want to adopt a truly needy child, unlike for healthy infants!

Answer 18

Go for it - there is nothing wrong with your wish. It is a wonderful experience to adopt, just as wonderful as it is to have a biological child.

I would like to caution you though, on the notion of being born in a hopeless situation, helping someone in need etc. As true as this may be, it will probably create expectations (most likely unconscious), that can't be fulfilled later. I realized very quickly after the adoption that I had to overcome these feelings in me, because I was setting us up for failure and was putting unnecessary pressure on my baby. Now I just see it for what it is, my child that just happened to come to me through adoption. I always flinch when people tell me how lucky she is to have us. So I always reply how lucky we are to have been blessed with her. It is important to me that the people around us also see it that way and don't give her the feeling she has to be thankful/grateful to us for the rest of her live.

Answer 19

There is nothing more selfless than adoption.  There will be people who throw there unwanted 2 cents in and ask why you dont have your own children.  It really is none of their buisness so I wouldnt even try to explain it to them.  Good Luck!

Answer 20

Depends on how old of a child you want to adopt. There is a huge waiting list for couples who want to adopt a healthy baby. I think it is selfish for you to want to adopt when you are perfectly capable of bearing your own children. My mom was unable to bear children of her own trust me 4 mc later they decided to adopt. Let couples who need to adopt to have a family have their fair chance and suck it up and have a kid the nautural way.

Answer 21

no it is not it is so normal i have 3 adopted all under the age of 4 and one biological whom is 1 week old

Answer 22

this is soo cool..

i dont think most woman think it but girl it would be nice to the kids that need familys

Answer 23

I think it's great. Good for you!

I just have to comment on all the posts where people said "children of your own." Children you adopt *are* your own! I really, really hate that phrase. As much as "real mom" (as opposed to birth mother).

You will probably get lots of nasty comments from clueless people if you choose to adopt -- people seem to think it's their business to ask rude questions when a child is adopted.

"Couldn't you have children of your own?"

"Why didn't his real parents want him?"

"Was he born addicted to drugs?"

and the list goes on. You'll be amazed...trust me. I always wished I had the courage to say something in response like, "What position were you in when you conceived your daughter?" or "Were you disappointed when you realized that she got your nose?" I never did, but those questions are no less rude than the ones I've been asked.

Best wishes to you!

Answer 24

I think it's awesome that you want to adopt.  There are so many children who need a family.   I have been through adoption training but have not yet adopted.

Answer 25

I was adopted, and have always preffered the idea of adoption to having biological children. I have great respect for people with biological children, but its not for me. I do not want to go through pregnancy and labor. And I DO want to help children who have no other option.

Answer 26

I think you have a  very good point.

Most women want children of their own-it's just instinct.

If that's what you prefer, then go for it. Adoption is a great alternative and you will be making one little child a lot happier than it ever could have imagined it would be.