Is it really weird to discuss a crush you had when you were younger?

Question

I had a crush on my freshman math teacher in high school. He was pretty young at the time, just 25, but I was 15. But I was just head over heels for this angelic being!

Everyone has been in those shoes before. But now I have found him again and we are dating. He is wonderful! I am 36 and he is 45, so the relative age difference has diminished significantly. Everything is going great, but..

I am the type of person who never denies who I used to be. Don't you normally talk to your loved one about what things were like when you were a kid? The boys you dated, the crushes you had? I want to be able to tell my beau about the devilish thoughts I had about him while he was intent on teaching me about Cauchy sets.

I mean it is true, it is honest, I <3'ed him madly, and the sort of things I dreamed of doing then are reality now. But I am afraid if I put them back in the context where they really first blossomed, even though he behaved as a perfect gentleman at the time (much to my disappointment), and he has no further obligation to that end now, he would still somehow feel like he was abusing his power. "John, remember when you made me demonstrate (2i+3)^2 on the board? Why wouldn't you let me demonstrate 23x3 on the desk instead? ^_^" I am certain he would be significantly less thrilled at the idea than I have been for such a long time.

He knows I had a crush on him, and he is flattered. He just seems somehow to retain that wrong-side-of-the-gap disapproval for the specifics of how I felt at the time. Even though the same feelings are par for the course now!

This is maddening! I hate our cultural stigmas. How would you feel if you were in either of our shoes on this? Is there anything that can be done to reverse this cultural brainwashing?

Thank you for listening! -_-

Answer 1

Wow, good question!

Maybe he feels guilty because at the time he had to chastise himself for any inappropriate thoughts (he&#039;s dating you now, so he obviously thinks you&#039;re hot and maybe he always did).

Perhaps you could work it out with a little role play - maybe take it in turns to wear uniform? This could give him a chance to face his forbidden fantasy in a guilt-free situation, plus if you take a turn as &#039;teacher&#039; you&#039;ll taste a little of the grass on his side of the fence.

Tip: Create a &#039;safe word&#039; that neither of you would normally use, to provide a &#039;get-out clause&#039; should either of you feel uncomfortable with the role play.