Is it really wrong? (uptight people shouldn't answer)?

Question

I've recently (last week) been talking to my case worker at DHS about getting a divorce from my very controlling, and emotionally abusive husband. She said that I can make him pay for the whole shebang because I make very little money, but I have to get approved first. He doesn't know I'm doing this because he won't let me live in our house unless I give him all my money as rent, and I have a 10 week old son to worry about. So I'm staying for now to keep food in is belly and a roof over his head. My dilemma is, I've met someone. I know, everyone thinks I'm a s**t now, but it's not like that. We've been friends for almost two years (worked together for 1) and he's a wonderful person but we've never said anything about or attraction to each other because I'm married. When my manager let it slip that I was missing work to see about a divorce, my friend started being more forward in his interest. I don't really want another relationship right now, but he's not even looking for that, we both just want to have fun. Anyway, I like him, he likes me and we're stuck there until I know what I want. I don't know if what I feel is wrong, or if I should even care since my husband doesn't seem to care if I'm happy. We've been married for 3 years, and I've wanted out since the 4 month mark but I stayed hoping he'd change. Then I stayed because I got pregnant. I can't do this again or I'll go insane. He doesn't want custody (I know this because he would never accept the responsibility it takes) so he won't sue me for it. I just don't want to be a bad person and hurt anybody. Sorry, I ramble, but this is all the c**p that's on my mind right now. Someone help me!!

Answer 1

First you need to take a deap breath.

okay up well you need to first find yourself a stable place to move into and not on your own if you have friends, family you can stay with long term then your safe.

just find yourself a safe house and slowly set that place up so the night you do decide to pick up and leave your safe house will have everything in it.

as for the relastionship with your work mate I'd say get this devorse over with first and be settle, have him for a friend and a shoulder to cry on..then you both can talk about the future.

Answer 2

You are in a very vulnerable state right now.  You have decided to get divorced from your husband - and those kinds of actions can make you feel pretty empty inside.  It's very easy to get wrapped up in something emotional that you see as security and love.  That;s why they call it the "rebound!"  There is nothing wrong with these feelings - but you seriously need to take care of business first without these kinds of distractions.  You need to concentrate on providing a life and housing for yourself and your child, then you need to get your own head on straight and be comfortable with your decision of being a single parent.  Give yourself some time to work all these things out first - by all means keep in touch with this guy - but really watch your emotions - they could all change in a heartbeat and then someone does get hurt.

Answer 3

I think you should be very careful about bringing a new interest into this situation. From the sound of your story it could even be dangerous for this guy to become involved with you while you are breaking the ties with your husband. Also, if you are seeking assistance in moving from authorities, a new relationship will probably complicate things. I suggest that you concentrate on building a life with you and your child first and worry about filling your romantic needs later.

Answer 4

Well, you should have got out when things would have been easier. There's going to be a lot of drama from him. If he's everything you've described, then I'd get out while you still can. As far as the other guy, I'd let him know up front and straight forward you want to be friends and no more than that. Not friends with fringe benefits either, because you'll more than likely just get back into what you just got out of and I'm sure you don't want to do that all over again. Also, your husband might be a big problem also. Some husbands go crazy when their wives leave them. Your husband from the sounds of it is a control freak who can't control himself. If you love your husband but don't like what he says or does, then I would say for the both of you to get help from a minister or counselor. There's no way for you to not be the bad person or hurt anyone's feelings. You should have thought about this more and quit thinking you could change him. He's the only person that can change himself and no one else. You might be the one to bring it to his attention, but if he feels that he's doing nothing wrong he'll never change at what he's doing.

Answer 5

ok first off let me say good for you...only you can make yourself happy and you deserve not to live in a house with an abusive husband..

secondly you need to sit down and talk to your friend...tell him that you need some time to get yourself straighten out before you can even think about getting into a new relationship..if he's a truly good caring friend he will wait for you...

good luck

Answer 6

1st of all no1 thinks ur a s**t,u have done nothing wrong here.ur husband is the only person who has done the wrong thing here,no1 deserves 2 b abused by any1.u have a baby 2 care for here so i am a little worried for his welfare(not because of u but ur husband).i assume ur in australia as u mention DHS so as u would prolly know there is lots of help financially out there 2 support ur son and u.I have done reasearch into domestic violence b4 and most women stay for financial reasons,this isnt healthy and in the end ul b worst off.as a single parent ul get sole parenting payment which will put a roof over ur head and food in ur belly so u needn't worry about that.as for furniture and household items welfare agencies can help u out there.it myt take a lil while 2 get on ur feet but in the end u an ur son will b soo much beta off 4 it.i dont think ur emotionally ready for a relationship right now so my only advice is 2 let this new guy know and hopefully he will understand.let him know what position ur in right now and if hes right 4 u it will all work out.jus stay friends 4 now and let b there 4 u through this difficult life change.good luck!