Is it right NOT to inform the father that your pregnant? then give it up for adoption?

Question

the father is not a good or safe person, he has 2 other children with 2 other women , they are under a year and the father wants nothing to do with either of those babies.. what would you do? the mother has a great couple that want to adopt the baby. who should she list as father? what would you do?

Answer 1

My biological mother never told the father.  I believe the father has that right to know.  If he was such a bad and dangerous person, than why did they sleep with him.  Even if the father doesn't care, he needs to know that he created another life out there somewhere.

Answer 2

I am in a similar situation - except I plan to keep my child.  My intention is to list the father as unknown.  The father of my child IF he decides later in life he wants to be involved will have to go through the court systems, paternity testing, etc.

Answer 3

dont tell him....not every man is daddy material. why make it harder than need be

Answer 4

i think that you should tell him

Answer 5

I second the answer of bluefrog. What makes me uneasy is the fact the mother has a couple that wants to adopt the baby. Will the father also know this couple and the whereabouts of this baby ? The baby needs a good start in life, not a life of h**l by the mother, father and couple fighting over what's best for the baby. Put the name of the father down in case at sometime the baby has something to gain by that.

Answer 6

You need to read some of the earlier posts about fathers names and birth certificates. Please don't put any ones name on that certificate except the natural parents. You probably won't have a problem getting him to sign off his rights if you approach it properly. But for the childs sake later on do the right thing and give them their fathers real name. Your child may want to know his father later on, he/she may have medical problems that are hereditary. False information will only frustrate and possibly harm some one down the line. You have no guarantees that you will be around to tell the truth later on. If you want what is best for the baby and you think adotion is it, do it right.

Answer 7

Depends on the state. Texas just passed the law where you don't have to tell him. However, I still would because you never know what could legally happen in a situation like that. Judges do crazy things. Our judge gave our son's father an extra 30 days to contest the adoption AFTER he terminated his rights. It made absolutely no sense. Judges can do some crazy things. Morally, it's probably a good idea. If he is not a good person (druggie, abusive, etc..) a judge most likely won't give him custody anyways.

You ABSOLUTELY need to find out what your state legally requires. People who are telling you no have no idea what they are talking about! IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE STATE YOU LIVE IN. If you follow the advice of the people on here who are telling you no, then you could be setting yourself and the adoptive family up for a world of problems and pain.

If you pretend like you don't know who the father is but you actually do, IT WILL COME OUT. That's what happened to my son's first mom. She gave the adoption agency the name of a man who didn't exist. About 2 weeks before we were supposed to formally adopt our son, people who knew who the birth father was started to threaten her. They started threatening the adoption as well. She finally told the agency the actuall father's name. It ended up taking us 3 more months to be able to formally adopt him. Within these three months a whole lot of other problems arose as well. EVERYTHING STARTED GOING DOWN HILL BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT HONEST ABOUT THE BIRTH FATHER.

I'm sure there are friends and family out there who know who you have dated recently and maybe even who you have had s*x with. When you start showing your pregnancy, the truth will come out. Just like it did for my son's first mom.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE find out what your state requires and do legally what you need to do. Don't lie!!! Trust me, the truth will find you. You and the adoptive couple you choose could lose your child forever! Be honest!

ETA - If your the one adopting the children, then just apply my advice to the first mom.

ETA - If your the potential adoptive parent, then I would not adopt this baby unless the father signed off his rights. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy spending the next 18 years lookng over your shoulder, wondering if he'll come back and claim paternity over the child. If you do not LEGALLY terminate his rights, he can come back at any time and make a case to get his child back. If you terminate his rights based on the fact that the mom supposedly did not know who he was, and she actually does, then you did not LEGALLY terminate his rights. Therefore, he will always have a case to get his child back, no matter how old he is.

We terminated the rights of our son's birth father, however, it wasn't legal, so when we found out the identity of the real father, we had to reterminate his rights. Everything you do needs to be based on the laws of the stae you live in.

Answer 8

I would usually say the father needs to be given the chance to say wether he wants to take the baby before it is given up for adoption, but given the circumstances she needs to do what she feels is in the babies best interest.  As for who she should list as the father; I would put, unknown.

Answer 9

Creating new life is a serious thing!  If you don't think you can raise the baby on your own, maybe adoption would be a good alternative.  This is a website that helps women in your situation.  They have counseling and a lot of different resources.  Maybe they can help you too.

Answer 10

It doesn't sound like the father would have any problem relinquishing his parental rights so he's not stuck paying child support.  Not listing him can cause the adoptive parents a lot of trouble down the road.  He could come back at any time saying his rights weren't preserved and get the child back.

Answer 11

i think she should put him down as unknown... if the baby is going to be in danger or won't be in safe or good hands with the father then there's no point taking chances... let the baby go to the loving couple who would do anything for the kid!!! :D

Answer 12

The child has a right to know who his or her father is.   Not being honest could also cause the adoptive couple to lose the child later down the line, should the father come back to claim his parental rights.

Honesty is always the best policy

Answer 13

From what I know you can not legally process the adoption without getting the birthfather to sign to relinquish his parental rights. You'd have to look up the laws in your province though. You could call a local adoption agency and ask them maybe?

Answer 14

I would let the father know even though he may be no good. She could list the father as unknown when she has him/her just in case he tries to get custody after the baby is born. He may sign over parental rights, if he knows what is best for the baby.

Answer 15

Firstly, if the father isn't interested in any children he produces, it doesn't seem that safety is an issue with him, so that's a good thing.

Ethically, it's wrong to leave the father off of the birth certificate.  You child has the right to know in his/her adult life who both of his/her natural parents are.

Answer 16

You tell the father... he has the right to know... if not then you adopt the child,  you just stole his child..

That is one of the bigger problems with adoption all to many time I hear that woman use adoption to get back at their ex's. Of course this is okay for the adoption agencies as they make a nice profit.. anything that impedes that process of profit is removed.

If you don't tell him then that is the most horrible thing you can do to both him and the child... and you do not have the right nor does the mother.. it sounds like revenge rather then a act of kindness.

Answer 17

I would make sure he knows if not things could get ugly.  The father has rights to.  If he finds out about the baby he could mess up the adoption.  He could prove he was the father and unaware of the child and adoption and actually take the child from the parents at any point.  I would tell him and encourage him to relinquish.

Answer 18

he has a right to no but if you dont think that he is gonna step up then it is up to you if you want to give that baby up then that is something that you and only you can decide to do if he doesnt want to be in the babies life that is and if you want to keep that baby from him cuz of the way he treats the others what makes you think it is gonna be any different with this one and if you have a family that you no is gonna be good for the baby then you might want to think about it if that is what you really want to do like i said before you and only you can make this dicision if he is not a good dad then that is totally up to you good luck

Answer 19

Wow, why doesn't she keep the baby? at least give this baby the opportunity to be with his/ her mom. Anyway, I would inform the father and tell him what I'm doing so if in the future this little person wants to know who his/ her parents are, he/she can find the right information at the place where she was adopted and meet her biological parents.

Answer 20

It is entirely up to your friend. If she doesn't want to then she can list the father as unknown or something. But if she does then she might be able to claim child support even if he wants nothing to do with the baby. :)

Answer 21

She should let the guy know and tell the adoptive parents who the father is. Then they should get a DNA test to ensure that the guy is the father and ask him to allow the adoption.

FYI: That Texas law that says the father doesn't need to be informed will most likely get slammed for not being constitutional. Texas is just asking for trouble with that law.

Answer 22

I think he has a right to know. However, since he doesn't want to have anything to do with his other kids, he will probably easily sign away his parental rights. Good luck to you.

Answer 23

Good person or not, prolific in fathering children or not, interested now or not...he is the father.  What other reason is there to include his name on the birth certificate?

Answer 24

I think she should tell him. If he isn't interested in his other two children, most people in that situation will usually sign their rights away. Also in some states if the father doesn't support the mother through the pregnancy then they lose their rights to the child automatically.

The problem with not telling him is  if he found out later he might decide he wanted the child because he was mad about not being told or something. There could be a lot of legal/ custodial problems for the child, especially if he could prove you had lied about him being 'unknown', etc. In general, he wouldn't get custody but he could make the adoptive parents (and maybe your) life miserable/scary for a while with court cases, etc.

I think you should speak with a lawyer. In many states there are easy ways to terminate a fathers rights legally.

Answer 25

He is still the rightful father.  He has the right to be told that he is the father of that child.  You are also withholding truthful  information on the birth certificate.  Information that will be crucial to your child's well being.