Is it right for my boyfriend to interfere?

Question

So the long story short is that my boyfriend's mother is rarely in the house because of her job and when she is in the house, all she does is drink or watch TV. My boyfriend's 14 year old sister still lives there (my boyfriend is 25) and basically runs wild because she has no parental figure in her life (dad's not around either).

So, my boyfriend wants to tell her to keep a curfew and keep her in line a little but his sister always screams at him to leave her alone, that she is not his child.

Is it right for him to try to help out in that way or is it inappropriate? Because the girl clearly needs some responsible figures in her life but doesn't have any.

Answer 1

yes because he's the only one willing to do it.

Answer 2

He's better than no parent at all. By the way, Have you thought of reporting the Mom to CPS? They don't automatically take the children away. Sometimes they make the parent's go to parenting classes and monitor them. She can be reported anonymously.

Answer 3

You and ur BF need to move out and get ur own house. he's 25? and still living with mommy? it's not his job or yours to be her parent.  

Answer 4

Discipline is love.  It takes time and effort and only those who care take the time to do a task for which there is no immediate reward.  She needs help and he is a good brother.  He will have to find a way to help that will work.  He sounds like a keeper.

Answer 5

Obviously your boyfriend loves his sister very much. It appears that his mother either doesn't care, is too tired, or is depending on him to take care of the situation.

Mom needs to make little sister aware that big brother is watching, if not, then your boyfriend just needs to let his sister know how much he loves her & that he will be setting some rules and why. He should be honest & straightforward w/her, as well as consistent.

Teens are a different species (lol), don't give up!!  She needs guidance more than ever right now.

Answer 6

I have 2 younger brothers I am 8 years older then 1 and 12 years older then the other so i would have to say yes it is ok . I treat my brothers just like i do my own kids in fact the youngest lives with me. ( he is 18 ) but still if i feel they need advice or whatever i am not afraid to step in. Now this can backfire cause when they need something mainly money they will treat me like a parent and ask for it. lol  

Answer 7

well apprently she has some  responsible fiugures in her life. your boy firend if hes looking after making sure she dosnt get into trouble ant stuff then hes doing the right job because hes  her older brother he has the right to do what hes doing.shes just being a brat because she has to much freedom that all the is and on top of that shes a teen teens always have to be so rebelious at that age so tell him to keep it and shell thank him the end

Answer 8

sounds like the sister needs help.

i'm sure there are legal options your boyfriend can take. maybe get a family lawyer for his sister. and have a social worker take a look at her home situation.

Answer 9

If the girls own father doesn't have the nuts to step up and be a man then I commend your boyfriend for at least trying. It's not called interfering, it's called parental guidance. Which is something her PARENTS aren't willing to give her. Give the guy a break and maybe even a hand.

Answer 10

d**n STRAIGHT!  

Otherwise,  WHO ELSE?  From what you said above she has nobody else who can teach and care for her.  

He's only doing it out of love for her!

Answer 11

Being in the criminal justice field, I can tell you that what he is doing is far more noble than what the Social services system will do for her.  She is going to learn the hard way that even though she doesn't necessarily have to be a responsible adult, that the world around her will NOT abide by her rules.  For him to try to give her some stability and take responsibility for her is a very good thing, because she needs it now more than ever in the turbulence of her teenage years.  If he does not do it, and the mother will not either, then the police, the juvenile courts, and DSS will be more than happy to lose another future in the System.  

Answer 12

of course. girls need their big brother's input.  espeically if momm isn't there to take care of it.

my husband is 9 and 12 years older than his sisters, and he lays down the law.

they sort of 'fear' him but in a way that works.  they dont do wrong things b/c of what he will think (sort of like a parent - their parents are sometimes MIA).

they always say "steven will be so mad" or "wait till steven finds out" . . .

i mean, ideally his parents would be the ones that disciplined and taught them whats right and wrong, but they dont, so he does.

Answer 13

Because of their ages: 25 & 14, your bf needs to take responsibility of the house. If he "talks" (no yelling allowed by either party) to the girl he may calculate and find a way through this challenging situation for them both - if he will properly challenge her to help (in a "gown-up" way) with the responsibilities of the house, including her stuff and her life, her space, etc.

Although true - he's not the father, he's the still the "responsible" adult looking out for the house and everything. I bet if they had a good long talk about everything he could win her "assistance" in the battle of mind over matter.

Answer 14

Of course it's right.

They need discipline one way or another.

At the age of 14 is when getting discipline is an all time necessity.

If he needs to spank her, he should do that. Just don't "beat her up".

She'll thank him later on when she's out of the age when drugs and s*x are introduced.

Answer 15

Well, this really is a double-edged sword.   Its right, but he has no right.   See, its not his kid so really its not his responsibility to run her life.  on the other hand, I am pretty sure the actions toll on the household as a whole.  So Ethically the answer is yes, but Legally he Cant.

Answer 16

Of course he has the right to. Or she could go to a foster home since her mom doesnt seem to want to train her right.

Answer 17

It is good that he loves his sister enough to care but at her age it really is probably not going to help.  A teenager is already rebellious on their own without the added pressure of a sibling trying to control them.  I think he should talk to the mother and express his concerns to her.  He should continue to reach out to the sister but he is not the one that should establish parental guidelines on her.  If he does she will only push him away further

Answer 18

Its good he is trying to step in, someone needs to b4 she ends up preggers or sumthin.  

Answer 19

Its just her age, you have to let kids be themselves, even if it is in rebellion.

Answer 20

h**l yea. He obviously loves and cares about his sister, and doesn't want her to go down the wrong path. That mom isn't very good, she needs some motherly lessons. Sounds like your boyfriend might have gone down the same path that his sister is heading, and learned from the mistakes, so he's trying to help her to not make them. Since her mom doesn't do anything to help her, I think your boyfriend should step up. His sister will thank him when she matures and gets older.

Answer 21

tell your bf to worry about his own life

Answer 22

yes  

Answer 23

YES!

He is her brother and as family has an obligation to her and her safety!

Answer 24

why dont you ask mah bawlz how much they care.

Answer 25

yes because whether or not he is the parent he is trying to take care of her since her mother seems to be worthless