Is it right to get married when you're not sure if you want kids or not but your partner wants them?

Question

Right now, I don't want them. And I don't know if there's a possibility that I would change my mind. I don't know what the future holds.

I just think that it wouldn't be fair to be with him if I'm not going to change my mind, but I don't know what's in the future and I don't know if I'm going to change my mind or not.

So, what would you do in a situation like that?

Answer 1

It sounds as though you have a healthy relationship because you were able to talk it through and know exactly what the other partner thinks.

In your place, I would go ahead with the wedding. You're being fair to yourself and to him by telling him the truth.

Good luck xx

Answer 2

I say that as long as he knows your stance on it there's nothing wrong with marrying him.

Sit him down, and firmly explain to him that you are not sure you will change your mind.  Say that right now, you do not want kids.  Down the line it IS a possibility, but that's exactly what it is - a possibility.  Tell him there is no guarantee that you will want kids in the future, and that you do not want him to marry you if he wouldn't be happy without children.

That's the most fair thing to do - don't marry one another if he wouldn't be happy without kids.  The two of you, if you marry, are going to be sharing your lives together.  As much as you need to compromise to make one another happy, having children is not something you should compromise on.  Either you want children, or you don't, and if you had children simply to make him happy, the children would suffer for it.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Honestly, I don't think so.  It is not fair to either one of you.  Sooner or later the topic of kids will come up and someone will have to give in.  Frankly I don't think life decisions like this are some one should give into.    It simply would not be fair for you to have children you did not really want or for him not have children when he does want them.

Answer 4

As long as you make it very clear to him that you don't think you'll ever want kids.. I think it is fair enough. It is possible you too would want them in 4-5 years. If not.. you told him from the very beginning. If would be bad if you kept this from him, and say it after you were married.  

Answer 5

That's a tough call...

When I met my wife, she didn't want to have kids. I told her I wanted them someday, but didn't push. After being married a few years SHE approached ME with the idea. Now she wanted to have kids.

So it can happen, but he shouldn't *count* on it.  

Answer 6

My daughter was in the same position as you and after 6 years of marriage and persistent nagging from him and interfering friends and inlaws she had a child. Now she is copping the "she will be lonely and needs a sibling"  she  is determined not to do so  but still this is something she has to put up with on a regular basis.

Answer 7

As long as you've been honest with him and let him know that you don't want children, it's him taking the chance that you'll not change your mind.  

Answer 8

i think that if he knows how you feel about the situation and he still loves you for who you are then its meant to be but there is a high chance that if in the long run it wont work out if you two cant come to an agreement..

Answer 9

BIG RED FLAG!!!

Answer 10

You two need to go to marriage counseling before you get married. That's a definite.

You also need to make it very clear to him that you aren't sure if you are going to change your mind someday or not, and ask if he will be okay with possibly never having kids. Because if he isn't okay with that, then you shouldn't get married, or eventually you will get divorced!