Is it right to stay in a marriage for our special needs son?

Question

Im a Mr mom who is wanting to get out of a marriage. I take care of a special needs boy who is going into a group home in a couple of years.

I feel that I have to stay in the marriage to continue to take care of him.

Confused about leaving her or asking her to leave.

Answer 1

Think about your son not yourself!  

Answer 2

Your not exactly telling us why you want out of this marriage. Why?  

Answer 3

1.  why do you want out of the marriage.  Is it her or are you burnt out from caring for your son and you are looking to escape him?

2.  Staying with her and caring for him don't have to be exclusive.

3.  the group home could be a very good thing for him and for you and your wife as well.  You would still visit with him and check up on him but this way frees up you and your wife to reconnect or to part company if your marriage is beyond repair.  Also, you aren't getting any younger and if you reach a point that you need someone to care for  you in your old age you don't have the added burden of finding a caretaker for your son because you already have one and he doesn't have the fear and confusion of multiple changes happening to him at once (moving into a new home, mom and/or dad sick/dying, facing change at an older age when he could have done it at a younger age when he was more adaptable).

4.  Decide what is the real problem.  Talk to a counselor alone or with her if the problem really is the marriage and not just you.  

5.  Find out what kind of aid your son qualifies for or what kind of aid your insurance will pay for and hire a nurse to come in and give you a break.  Care taking is incredibly stressful and you can't do it nonstop without a little down time before you wear yourself out.  You aren't a failure if you can't do it alone.  You are a failure if you can't acknowledge when you need help and/or you refuse to ask for it out of pride.

6.  hire someone to come in and help out with the household chores or yard work once in a while.  This is another way to help ease your burden.

Answer 4

I don't think it's fair to anyone involved in the situation. You deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship... as does your wife. Your son can still be taken care of if you choose to divorce. Yes, it would require some changes but it's possible. Considering you have been the "Mom", all involved would expect you to remain in that position until he is in the group home.  

Answer 5

I don't believe anyone should stay in the marriage for the children.  All that does is raise children to repeat an unhealthy cycle.

The fact that you have been Mr. Mom with a special needs child had to be trying.  You obviously have a great heart and are very patient.  With that being said, is it possible that the unhappiness with you and your wife is due to the situation at hand?  Maybe once you two are able to focus on one another with some alone time it might rekindle.

Or are you to the point you have grown apart so much it is two strangers?

Answer 6

What effort have you givin to your relationship with your wife, your probably both burnt out.. take some time away from your son and take your wife out.. talk about why you got married in the first place, look at pictures.. do what you need to to get back to that place..

You can't just run away remember.. you MARRIED! through thick and thin.. maybe you just need to reconnect.  

Answer 7

If he's going into a group home, what's the big deal? Escape if you feel you need to.  

Answer 8

you should talk to your wife about it.

it's not right to only be in marriage for that reason, just becuase you two are divorced, doesn't mean you still can't help out with your son.

please answer mine

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 9

I'd do it for my son...  but that's just me.  

Answer 10

Of course you shouldn't leave. What would it do to your son? In a marriage, once you have kids they are the number one priority. If asking your wife to leave means your son ends up in a home now, then it is the wrong thing to do.