Is it right to teach my daughter this?

Question

my six year old is having problems with a mean girl in her school. ive consulted the teacher, the girls parent, and talked to my daughter. but i was thinking that since I'm not always going to be there to hold her hand, i should teach her ways to stand up for herself in similar circumstances when confronted by a bully. you ladies know that we've all had that in high school. is it right to teach her to talk back? i don't want her ending up being aggressive, but don't want to see her self esteem shaken either. i need some ideas on helpful things i can teach her that would help her with this. thanks.

Answer 1

Howdy hun,I have an 8yr old son who goes through the same thing.From what I read in the question you posted before it is more that the little girl is changing her mind on who is her friend each day.Your baby seems like mine they want everyone to like them and they don't like conflict.I went to the teacher and told her to watch out for him and make sure his feelings didn't get hurt.What I discovered was that children are very fickle.So all you do is tell her that the little doesn't understand how to be a friend yet.Her home trainings are a little different and that soon she will see that your baby is a great person to be around just play with the others and don't pay her any attention.She will come around soon.Yes you are very right about the girl being jealous of your daughter,she doesn't know how to deal with it and this is how she makes it better by hogging attention.She sees that your baby is blessed and longs for the same so just reassure her that it's not that she is doing anything wrong and it will work itself out okay sweetie.   Hope this helps you and your little princess.

Answer 2

This is what I've taught my kids about bullies. They treat others badly because they feel bad about themselves (which starts at home). A bully is usually the victim first and sadly at that age, it's a parent or a sibling. I let my kids ponder on what it must be like for that child to go home to a parent/sibling that is making fun of them or talking down to them. The best way to handle a bully is to ignore them while understanding why they do what they do. A six year old is mature enough to handle this concept. I've also taught them to not stand by while another child gets picked on. I tell them to explain what they know about bullies and spread the word. Pretty soon, everyone is ignoring the person but also has a little empathy for them as well. A bully who sees that their tactics aren't working will change their ways. Good luck :)

Answer 3

i know how you feel worried that it will escalade into more then just standing up for her self but then if you tell her to tell on the bully then it makes her a tattle tail. My nephews pick on my little 11 year old sister and they are boys they hit her and all this other stuff push her down well i know its wrong but i taught her that if they are going to be mean to you like this and use an unfair advantage then so should you. and taught her if they hit her find something hard around you and hit them back beat the $hit out of them. they wont hurt you again now im sure you dont want your 6 year old doing this but you dont want her talking back and then getting knocked out so you have to find a way to relate if you teach her to talk back be prepared to teach her to fight. dont listen to the OMG THATS NO WAY TO TEACH YOUR KID cause if someones going to punk your kid out they need to know how to defend themselvs and when worse comes to worse you have to teach her how to be prepared. like you said your not always going to be there  

Answer 4

Don't teach her to talk back.  That will escalate the problem.

You want to teach her safety skills.  Check out this website:  http://www.kidpower.org/

All the best.

Answer 5

i think u should teach her to stand up for herself but , not too strong u dont want her to be saying f*** before 18 ,and some people who standup for them selves end up being full of them selves so be careful  

Answer 6

teach her that bullies are just doing that to make themselves feel better about themselves when theyre actually doing the wrong thing. Dont teach her to talk back. Just teach her that those people shouldn't be doing that, she should tell that girl: you know what? I live my own life and you live yours, dont be all over me just cuz' you think the opposite way  .Self-defense isn't elligal, tell her to have power-larger than that stupid girl. Tell her- that they have nothing better to do with their lives, but SHE does. SHE could stand up for herself whenever, whatever. And tell her to be proud of herself for doing the right thing!  

Answer 7

tell your daughter that fighting is wrong but standing there and taking c**p isnt right either. say only defend your self if you feel like you have to but if you can walk away from it at all then thats the best thing you can do.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 8

no, i think its important for her to stand up for herself, just as long as she knows only under the right circumstances and not just doing it for fun. If i was a mother, the only thing i would do is do what your doing b/c my parents never could hold my hand with me when i was at school or something and you just have to trust that they will do the right thing.I think she will be ok cause you seem like your doing a good job. I would teach her self defense, in case someone wanted to try to beat her up :/ or get her interested in something else like with a group of friends at her school so if bullys did try to do anything with her, she would have a possy and a group to back her up and wouldnt feel so alone... hope i helped!!

Answer 9

You have done all you can do to eliminate the problem yourself (good job) so yes, in my opinion, it is okay to teach her some things. I have issues with "mean girls" a lot, and the advice i wish my mom had given me would be to NOT IGNORE HER. Ignoring does nothing. It would be great to just tell your daughter to tell her off, in a kind of nice way. such as...

"your not better than me, so stop acting like you are."

i dont know how to put that in nicer terms she would understand...haha sorry. but good luck!

Answer 10

Check out this site on how to deal with bullying, it should help you both understand the whole bullying thing and how to deal with it in a safe way.

Answer 11

no she is six thats not right she will know what to do when the time is right

Answer 12

Teach her to walk away and to report to the proper authorities.  Walking away without saying a word is the best defense in most situations.  It takes the wind out of the bullies sails if you don't react to their taunts.  Why teach her to play by the bullies rules?  Teach her there is a way to play by your own rules.  Take the power away from the bully.  Teaching a child to report improper behavior to the proper authority is a great lesson.  After all it is what we are supposed to do as adults too.  We are not supposed to take the law into our own hands.  It's not our job.  This silently walking away and reporting may sound like a coward to some, but it takes real strength and courage to carry it out.  I never run from a fight, but I have walked away from plenty.  I choose to ignore idiots whenever possible.  Remember if you argue with an idiot, onlookers have a hard time determining which one is the idiot.

Answer 13

the lady that wrote the book Mean Girls answers questions on iFuse.com if you want her opinion- I think she's great!

Answer 14

i feel concerned with your opinion on telling your child to fight back.  your child can misinterpret your telling her to stick up for herself for you encouraging her to become a derelict.  i have been a child counselor for oer 40 years and the one commonality i see in violent child after child is parent encouragement.  by that, i mean that the "bad" kids behaviors's almost always stem from a parent teaching them something like you are trying to teach your child.  more times than one, i have seen the child "turn" on the parent in an aggressive manner. might i suggest you and your child both see a therapist and talk out your issues with one another.  thank you

Answer 15

If there is no physical violence implied and if she's not bullying, she has a right to talk back to people who verbally assault her!!!

Show her how to use humour, too! :D

I remember when I was a kid, what worked best was laughing at myself.

I have very dark hair and I wash them every day and I remember once, going to school and they were not fully dried. So one guy asked me "Eww, are your hair greasy or just wet?"

It was the same guy who ALWAYS laughed at me.

I answered : "They're very greasy, actually, I cooked some bacon in them this morning" ... And he laughed. Not at me... but with me, and he said "I didn't know you were that funny"...

Answer 16

I honestly think it's a great idea to teach her to talk back. I guess you could consider me sorta a bully in high school. I was in the "cool" crown and we would make fun of everyone who wasn't. I feel bad about it now, but at the time, it seems like a good idea.

My point is....I would seem to pick on the girls who  seemed scared of me and my friends. I remember one girl who actually stuck up for herself and said some horrible things back to me. I did not mess with her again. If your daughter seems upset in front of this girl, she most likely will pick on her even more.

Just make sure you tell your daughter that being aggressive is not the answer. Just teach her how to stick up for herself. The girl that I made fun of told me to "grow the f*ck up and get a f*cking life" lol.  

Answer 17

i have always taught my daughter be kind to everyone but if someone starts trouble with u dont be afraid to fight back if they hit you, you hit back, if they insult you dont just stand there and take it, some people may think its silly to teach my girl this but i want her to be a strong woman and stand up for herself

Answer 18

what your doing is fine showing her to talk back also try teaching her to defend herself a little if the bully gets aggressive towards her make sure to show her only defensive type things  

Answer 19

No, teach her to ignore the "bully" The reason the other girl behaves as she does is because she knows that it bothers your daughter.  If your daughter doesn't give her any attention the girl will get tired of trying to get her attention and will quit.  

Answer 20

I believe that at this stage in her development, I disagree. My reasons are as follows.

   I do agree that being a target of any bully is a thing to avoid. Seeing how you spoke with the parents and sought consultation from the teachers, I believe that by your presence it will aid your daughter in knowing that going to you with a problem is the right thing to do! By allowing her to develop her sense of right and wrong, she may learn how to avoid that type of situation altogether!

Answer 21

That's fine to teach her to stand up for herself. Good job!

Answer 22

Tell her to think of something nice or good about the person who is being a bully to her, and change the subject with saying a compliment about the good thing, after a short "so what" or "No, I didn't" response to the bully's taunts. ߢ

Answer 23

I agree that people should learn to stand up for themselves, but six seems a very tender age at which to have to do it.  Yes, you're not always going to be there to hold her hand, but we all hope that you'll continue to be there through her childhood.  Isn't that one thing mothers are for?  In addition, if you as an adult were being bullied or harassed by another adult, wouldn't you turn to the authorities?  

But you can certainly teach her to talk back. A few years ago I saw a children's book in which someone taught a little boy a magic word to say to the kids who picked on him and taunted him: "So?"  In the story, at least, it worked.

Answer 24

definately not to talk back-shell end up getting punched or worse

talk to the prinicpal

Answer 25

the best way to deal with a bully is ignore them.  

Answer 26

no way.theres nothing wrong with it. if people know they can bother someone then she will always get picked on.i always teach my kids never take sht8 from no1.ALWAYS stand up for themselves. no matter how they have to do it.

someones hits them,my kids hit right back. i dont care.thats how it is...

and no i am not some ghetto mother.im not having no1 pick on my kids if i can help it.most of the time the schools dont care anyway.then the poor kid gets a rep. of being a rat and telling all the time....

Answer 27

Teach her to stand by reason.

Never let it be that just keep in a silence.

Why not talk her heart out anyway?

Answer 28

well teach her how to stand up for herself but not in a mean way like in a simple way that you were taught when you were six

Answer 29

yeah, go for it.

Answer 30

You know they always told us that walking away was the best defense, however I think that if you stand up for yourself the bully will realize they can move on to someone else.

However, she is only six years old. What type of parent allows this behavior to go on once they've been confronted by the other parent? Perhaps you could have your daughter kill her with kindness.

I think at six years old it is a bit too young to have her start talking back.

Perhaps she could try and make friends with this girl? Obviously this other child has some issues.. they are sure starting out early being bullys now....

I wish you the best of luck, but I would not recommend teaching a six year old to talk back. It could backfire?