Is it rude not to invite the pastor to our reception & other wedding related events?

Question

Ok, sooo...before you answer please read:

We have talked with our officiant & he is doing our wedding for a fee. We both believe in God & want to be married in a church, but do not belong to a church & do not want to join a church (as some have suggested) just to be married in one. We do not know this pastor very well besides the few times we have sat down and spoken with him. He will be conducting our marriage counseling, and performing the ceremony btu i was wondering if it was rude if we didn't invite him to the rehearsal dinner & reception? He and his wife wouldn't know ANYONE at the wedding & I think it might be weird trying to seat him with family. He's a very nice sweet man, but we are not close with him, so what do you think?

Answer 1

He should be invited to all events - the rehearsal dinner and the reception. Like others have said - it probably isn't the first wedding he has done. Even if you aren't close to him - he is the wedding officiant!

Answer 2

Most ministers do not go/get invited to the rehersal dinner - they attend the actual rehersal, but then send you all on your way to dinner.  

As far as the reception goes, generally the minister and his wife are invited, and will feel obligated to attend - especially if you wrangle them into the prayer before dinner.

That being said, I would hazard a guess that your minister that you don't know very well wouldn't care in the least about not being invited - The last thing he really wants to do is spend another weekend night at "work" - If you invite him, he will probably come.  If you don't invite him, he will not be upset or offended, but will probably be pleased!  

Answer 3

I don't think it's rude, but I also don't think that he'll have trouble making conversation or meeting people at the reception. I'm sure since he has worked with you on the ceremony and will be at the ceremony, he would also love to be a part of the celebration afterwards, plus he'll be at the rehearsal, so why not the rehearsal dinner? He's a minister so I'm sure he can handle being around people he doesn't know already.

Answer 4

You should invite him (and his wife) to both the rehearsal dinner and the reception. The rehearsal dinner is a thank you to the participants in the ceremony, in which he is a big participant. And it's just a little bit tacky not to invite him to the reception.

He'll either enjoy himself and make polite conversation with your family or he'll say "Thanks, but that's really okay" and decline the invitation. Either way, you did the right thing by inviting him.

Answer 5

In my opinion it would be fine not to invite him to the rehearsal dinner...you can just tell him that it's an intimate dinner with your closest friends and family.  However, I think not inviting him to the reception would be kind of rude.

Answer 6

yeah its rude he should be involved in it to

Answer 7

Yes, you must invite them. C'mon, he's doing the most important thing - conducting the ceremony!

Answer 8

Isn't part of the reason behind having a rehearsal dinner and involving the officiant is so they know what to do when he says this and that...Invite the man.  I'm sure he's been in this situation before.

Answer 9

I'd say you should invite him to the rehearsal dinner.  He'll be the one conducting the rehearsal after all.  He might decline, but I think it'd be good manners to include him in that.  For the reception, I think you're probably on better ground to not include him since he doesn't have a role in the after wedding celebration.  Good luck, I don't really know the etiquette.

Answer 10

It is a courtesy that you should extend to him and his wife.  Typically the pastor will politely decline the invitation if they feel they will be uncomfortable.  It's not the first wedding he's done I'm sure.  

Answer 11

It would be rude not to invite him. But as a rule most pastors don't go to the reception. They are polite and say I'd really like that but have another commitment. Most will not stay at the rehearsal dinner either. So invite and accept his no thank you.

Answer 12

Um, yes, it would be incredibly rude not to invite him to both the rehearsal dinner and the reception.  He's PART of your wedding for goodness sakes.  Even if you aren't close, he will always be a part of that day and you should honor him as such.  If he doesn't feel comfortable going to the rehearsal dinner, then that's HIS decision and he can politely say no thank you.  But it would be entirely rude for you to just not invite him.  

Answer 13

Depending on how you do the rehearsal dinner, I'd say invite them at least to that, especially if it's being held at the same location as the rehearsal, unless it's going to involve lots of alcohol or something else that would make them uncomfortable. Invite him to the reception, he's a pastor so interacting with people he doesn't really know is part of his job, and him and his wife at least might enjoy the dinner and a bit of dancing (this depends on the denomination), but they'll likely decline, or only make a brief appearance. But, he has an important role, so do invite him and his wife, and try to seat them with other people who aren't all family or friends so they don't feel like the odd ones out at a table.

Answer 14

Is there a good reason that you do NOT want him at either meal?  

Weddings are social occasions and I'm sure he can find something to talk about with someone.  He is a very important figure in the process and I think it would be disrespectful to him not to be invited.  It seems like weddings are a fun and exciting part of a pastor's job, so I'm sure he would be happy and truly enjoy being included in the celebration aspect.  

Answer 15

You should extend the invitation; he'll probably not accept.

Answer 16

Yes it would be extremely rude not to invite him. Pastors and their wives are very skilled at making themselves comfortable in a group of strangers. You can seat him with some of your parents' good friends, or some family members who are about his age.