Is it rude to ask if someone if they plan to attend our wedding?

Question

We are getting married in April 2009. About half of our guest list includes friends and family from out of town (we are talking an 8 hour flight from Florida to Las Vegas). Due to the wonderful state of the economy we can't even estimate how many of our friends and family will be able to make it!! I don't want to put pressure on anyone to make a decision now...but I'm not so sure that the standard 20% is an appropriate estimate of the number of people that will have to decline.

In order to help us budget a little better we would like to have a rough number of people that plan to attend. Is it rude to ask this far in advance? If not, how do we go about asking people?

Answer 1

Not at all! Ask them and to those who say they cannot make it there is no need to ask them why.

As you said with our current economy, It is most likely nothing personal for those unable to attend.

Most people understand that reception costs are usually based per person.

What is rude are people who dont respond one way or the other to a " R.S.V.P. "

Answer 2

No my brother did just that.  What he did is got a website that you pay  and they will put your wedding info on it and allow people to rsvp.  Or leave a number to reach you to rsvp either way it is not rude it is almost a necessity these days especially if the wedding is not in your home town and alot of people will have to travel to get there.

Answer 3

It isn't rude at all, but it's a little impractical. I had somewhere around 80 people tell me that they were going to attend, and then I ended up with about 66 in attendance. As you said, with the state of the economy, they don't know if they'll be able to hack it any more than you know.

Here's my advice: Call the people you really want to be there to tell them that...yay!...you're engaged. They'll say, "Oh! How wonderful! When is the wedding?" You'll tell them, and then you say, "You think you'll be able to come?" and they'll tell you. This will give you your initial, tentative guest list. But don't count out the "no" people yet. Things might change for them. They might be in a cruddy place financially now, but in February, things could turn around for them drastically.

Eight weeks before your wedding, especially in these financially dubious times, mail your invitations out so that everyone has enough time to figure out if they can make it or not. On the return card, make sure you put something that says, "Please respond by..." and the date you want them to respond. (Somewhere around the vicinity of four weeks in advance.) Eight weeks before is a better time to make concrete plans for how many people will be there so you can tell your caterer, etc. how many people are going to attend. You have seven months before anyone can make solid plans, unfortunately. Jobs can be lost, there can be deaths in the family (heaven forbid); just about anything.

So, to sum up. Rude? Definitely not, unless you're demanding a definite answer up front. Impractical? Yes.  

Answer 4

OMG its not rude at all, I am doing this all the time even now, we are getting married in June but I am asking now as I need numbers etc the same as you do.

We have catered for 200 guests at a Hilton Hotel for a sit down meal and if I lose any of them we have to pay for the shortfall.

I agree with you, find out now.

Answer 5

No im sure its not rude if you explain the situation

tell them aboout your budget

Answer 6

No, I don't think so. But be prepared that even if 100 people say they'll show, things could change by then and you could end up with less. Best of luck.

Answer 7

Put yourself in their shoes. Would you find it rude if someone asked you if you were going to attend their wedding? I dont think it would be lol

Answer 8

Maybe if you don't come right out and ask. Start a conversation with them about your wedding, and then say "We hope to see you at the wedding." Or we hope you will be joining us." something to that effect, or they may wonder why you sent the invitation out in the first place.

If they tell you now, you may not get the response card back because they have figured they already told you.