Is it rude to ask why your fiance wasn't asked to be a groomsman in his friend's wedding?

Question

I am the bride.

Let's call the not-a-groomsman George. George was excessively mean to me when I dated his other friend, and now that I'm with my fiance, he has been nicer but sometimes still hurts my feelings, and I always feel like George might lash out at me at any time. George's fiance is super duper nice, though, and they are now engaged and getting married over a year from now - starting to make their own plans. George and my fiance hang out regularly, but my fiance has already asked friends he's known 2-3x longer to be his groomsmen, and asked two other grooms he has been an usher for this year to be ushers for our wedding. (I picked the other two ushers.)

Was it completely rude for her to ask ME why my fiance didn't ask George to be in our wedding? She made it sound like the rest of that group of friends is all talking about this too - like I'm ruining their friendship by marrying him or something!

Please help!

Answer 1

It was rude of her to ask, but you didn't have to explain yourself.  I understand that you want to keep the peace, however, you should not have to justify your decision about the wedding party like that to somebody.  You will never make everyone happy, so don't try.  Go and plan your wedding as usual and don't even give this issue a second thought--if they talk, they talk...you can't help that and it's just sad for them that they are so bothered by it.

Answer 2

Asking you why was not rude.....the following behavior resulting in your honest reply however, is......

Concentrate on your wedding and who you are marrying...it may very well be the end of the old friendships connected to your ex....these things do happen....sounds like you are the only one that has moved on and the others are still in the past, wishing things were the way they were before your ex broke up and you found your guy, and this George not being asked to be an usher is just an excuse to indulge in childish behaviors .......

Never mind George's fiance's re-action, it is normal for think how you would feel if suddenly told the reason why your fiance wasn't being included in something was because of past abominable behavior towards another (no excuse for it, however there was a reason for it, I'll get into that in a mo...)

She can't really defend the behavior so she's gonna strike out in another way.....

Now as far as George, he behaved the way he did towards you for one of two reasons 1) jealously over your ex having you and not him or 2) jealously over you ex spending time with you...until he had his own girl to spend time with) When you broke up with your ex of course it got better...he had your ex's attention/time back and I bet his fiance arrived on the scene around that time.......no reason to be jealous anymore.

But the damage was done...ye reap what ye sows...so now Karma had made sure his bad attitude towards you has bitten him in the @ss (not a member of your bridal party) Oh well, what did he expect......

Either things will settle down after the wedding, when there's another person they can shower with their childish nonsense, or it's time for a newer set of friends......you say you guy has a nice set of friends? So, there you go besides, you will be embarking on a new life, that as someone's wife-he will more important to you than this group of babies...and soon it won't matter what they say or do...it will be of no consequence to you......Ignore it, see it for the nonsense it is......good luck.

Answer 3

Yes, it's very rude.  She should not have asked you.  

But since she asked, maybe you could tell her that while George may have had his feelings hurt, he needs to understand that your fiancé wanted to choose groomsmen that fully support you two and your commitment to each other.  George doesn't seem to do so.

Answer 4

Yeah I would find it rude and awkward. Maybe she is too naive or something to notice that it would be better not to ask. I mean really...Does she honestly expect you to tell her? What if you didn't know in the first place. Maybe she asked because they are having your fiance in their wedding...?

Why would your ex be mad that he's not in it too? Unless he's friends with your fiance too. I'm surprised you want to invite him.

Answer 5

Why is it any of her business???  Yes, that was rude of her.  She should understand that no one has a right to question the choices in attendants for someone else's wedding.

You do not need to give her any sort of explanation.

Answer 6

Yes, it's rude that she asked you. That's yours and your fiance's decision to make, not hers.

Answer 7

Defiantly YES, do not ask under any circumstances. The groom made his choice beyond any reason that you may want to know about.  Please keep it to yourself and don't stir the pot so to speak.  Hope this helps...

Answer 8

Yes, that was rude!  It is none of her or anybody else's business.  It's YOUR  wedding, you and your fiance should only have those who you want in the wedding.

Answer 9

Yes it is rude. The couple decides for themselves who they want to stand up for them. It is no one else's business who they choose or who they don't.

Answer 10

I don't think it was a rude question.  However, you are not at liberty to answer it if you choose not to.

As far as talking to them during the reception, it's hard to avoid it. I have a wealthy friend who just is the epitomy of always having the right thing to say. When I attended her wedding, several of the guests were people she also couldn't stand as well as an ex.  She preplanned some small talk and then would say "oh, and here's my Aunt Mabel. Mabel, this is John.  John loves to fish.  Let them say two words and then say "sorry, I must circulate" and leave.  She did this SO smoothy.  My hero.