Is it rude to talk about weight to a super obese family member?

Question

One of my cousins is extremely overweight. She is close to 350 pounds and has been gaining about 30 pounds a year for the last 5 years. Every time I see her she is even heavier than before.

I wonder what is good manners regarding talking about how fat she is? Maybe the topic of weight, health and diet is not even allowed to be brought up when someone is so overweight.

Answer 1

ask her to get her assss off and run.

its her fault that she becomes like this.

Answer 2

yes

Answer 3

If you have concern and care for your cousin then maybe you could mention it in a very sincere, delicate (without criticizing) manner.

Answer 4

Unless you are really close to your cousin ( like really close sisters) then tread very carefully.  A person's weight and appearance are very personal and very sensitive topics.

Also make sure you know the history.  She may have a genetic disposition to weight gain which means she may have already tried all sorts of things to lose.

Erroneously, we often tend to think that when we see obesity it is because they are not trying to take care of themselves or that if they would only do this or do that everything will be alright.

Also examine your own biases.  Some people have difficulty being around obese people because of their own prejudices.  I'm not saying that is true about you but do look at it.

If you are really close to your cousin then bring it up by telling her how much you love her and how concerned you are not just about her weight but about her health.  At that weight she is a prime candidate for diabetes, heart failure, kidney problems and stroke- regardless of her age.

But don't just tell her you're concerned.  Ask yourself if you're willing to help her by going for walks regularly, or the a gym or a weight loss center.  People with serious weight loss issues generally don't have the emotional and practical support they need to make lifestyle changes.

Most people seem willing to talk to an obese person but not walk along side them and invest their time in that person.

Answer 5

When I worked on holiday narrowboats, we sometimes had a bit of bother with regular sized Americans. They would get stuck in the john, and it would take half a pound of butter and some serious wobbling to set them free. The doors leading out from the dining area had to be removed. Narrowboats can only be seven foot wide, so all the facilities have to be squeezed in somehow between the guests.

I believe that regular size Americans become large size at 300lb (about 140 kg or just over 21 stone). There was an episode of The Simpsons once which explained that.  Homer was trying to get up to this weight to qualify for a Government grant and preferential treatment at work.  I don't know what is considered Jumbo size, but your cousin has probably a bit further to go for that.

Maybe the kindest way to bring this up is to buy for her a special supersized comfy chair, which you ceremonially bring in for meals.

If you get to that size, there is probably more wrong with her than a diet and exercise can sort out.  If you are really worried, maybe a chat with her parents or a close sibling would help you get a closer idea of the situation. They should be able to tell you the correct banter to use.  Hippos and elephants are both superb swimmers.  Maybe that would be a way to tone her body?

Answer 6

I am sure she's aware of her weight issues.  I'm also certain that others have said things, probably in not such a nice way.  I'm also sure that her doctor has talked to her about her weight issues.  I'd leave it alone, and just be kind and supportive.  

Answer 7

If you could be compassionate and all, that still would be sommat rude. I am convinced she could use help, but probably won't like being preached at. Worse, it could make her feel more horrid than she already must feel, and maybe with less hope or resentment eat even more--if that is her problem.

Considering obesity research highlighting genetics it could be a problem outside much of her control. Sad really, in any case.  

Answer 8

Talking to her about "how fat she is" will always be considered rude in the extreme.  Unless she's a babbling idiot, she knows she's fat, and any well-meaning advice by her concerned cousin who goes by the moniker "tall model looking girl" is probably not going to be taken very well at all.  I don't think you are very close to your cousin, since you say she's gained a great deal of weight between your visits.  That implies you don't see her that often.  Maybe you should just concentrate on more positive things when you see her.  And try to see her as more than just a fat person.

Answer 9

Be careful.  You bringing up the weight in the wrong way may only bring her to eat more.  Research what causes people to overeat and if you don't get it, stay out of the conversation or you will make it worse.

Answer 10

Not really, but if that doesn't bother her, why would it be bothering you then?

Answer 11

Well this really depends on your motive for bringing it up. Do you just want to make her feel worse about herself or are you genuinely concerned for her well-being? The way that you put it in the question makes it sound like it's the former. However, if you are worried about her and really care about your cousin then talk to her privately. Don't embarass her in front of the whole family just to make yourself look better. If you really are a tall model looking girl then you shouldn't need that kind of affirmation.  

Answer 12

It depends on how you talk about it, you have to make sure your cousin knows you're bringing it up because you love her and are worried about her health. It's important to talk about it constructively so that maybe you can help her get on a diet and exercise plan that would lose those extra pounds and keep her from suffering a heart related illness down the road.  

Answer 13

you can certainly talk about weight, health, and diet as a general topic, but do not direct your comments specifically at her. I'm sure she knows she's got a problem and she doesn't need it to be pointed out to her by others.  

Answer 14

I'm pretty sure she is quite aware of how heavy she is and doesn't need you to tell her.  If you are close family members though you could try talking to her about it but I'm not sure it will be very well received.

Answer 15

it is if you encourage her to lose weight and tell her that you believe in her and that she can do it!

Answer 16

I do not have any idea at all. I do not have any super obese family members.