Is it rude to uninvite children at my wedding?

Question

it's not that i mind kids, it's just that i don't think i would want them at my wedding. the only thing is that i have a couple of friends who have small ones, as well as people from both sides of our family.

there's always that one kid that cries during the actual wedding, and i don't want it to be ruined, and i don't want the attention to be entirely on a screaming kid.

and also, i don't want the adults to hold back on what they do or say at the reception party just because "the little ones are around." it's supposed to be a fun time for us, and our family and friends (and we have many who are hardcore partyers) and we want our reception to be fun and upbeat. not slow, and disrupted. i dont want a bunch of people leaving early just because it's their kid's bedtime.

so would it be mean of me to uninvite the kids?

i haven't decided where the wedding is going to be yet, and i am just starting to plan it. i just need to figure out the small details like this first. but what if some people can't afford sitters? i would feel terrible if they couldn't come because of that.

and it just goes on the invitation, right? how should i word it so that it doesn't seem rude, but yet it's straightforward?

and what happens if someone does decide to show up with a kid in their arms?

Answer 1

When you choose the venue for the wedding and reception, make certain that their is an area for the children.  Pay for staffing in those areas and advise anyone with children that there will be care provided.  Most churches have a childrens' area and will provide a caregiver for a nominal fee.  If the reception is held at a hotel, there will also be arrangements that can be made.  

You cannot expect your guests to leave their children at home, especially if they must travel to the wedding, or to make their own arrangements and payments  for a caregiver when it is your wish that the children remain absent.

Answer 2

I went to a wedding where a baby cried the ENTIRE time. I felt so bad for the bride in groom because honestly ....it was very hard to hear the minister and the vows..and I was sitting very near the front of the church.

What my mom explained to me was that the woman was probably afraid to carry the baby out because she didn't want to walk on the aisle runner. But frankly had I been the bride that would have been the last of my concern. That baby really ruined the ceremony in my opinion and it was terrible that the parents of the child didnt think better than to bring such a little one to such an important date.

This is YOUR and YOUR MANS special day and you can do  whatever you want.. Be tactful but do not be afraid to request that the youngins stay home. Additionally you may consider putting someone in charge of keeping an eye out for people who may show up with a child. In the effect this occurs, they can be asked to sit in an aisle seat or a back row so if the child misbehaves they can be taken out quickly without interupting the ceremony. Dont dwell on this or feel bad about the request.... with any luck this will be the only wedding that you ever have. Good luck and god bless

Answer 3

It's not rude if you don't invite the children. It is rude if you invite them and then UNinvite them as the parent's would have to find alternative arrangements for them at the last minute. So I think you're safe if you haven't sent the invites out yet!

Put on the invitation the names of the guests invited. Then on the RSVP card, list the names again and then have a section where you have "number of guests attending __/2" so then they know only 2 people are invited but it's not explicitly banning children.

You may like to offer a baby sitting service- either at another room in your venue or at your house or a nearby friend or relatives' house that do not mind. You could hire two or three baby sitters to look after the children and include a little card in the invitation, something along the lines of "For your convenience, we will be hiring a number of reputable babysitters to take care of children under __ during the wedding. Please let us know if you would like to utilize this service."

Answer 4

It's not rude... but there is a chance people will ignore your request and just RSVP their children anyways... this can cause an awkward situation obviously but once you decide either way you need to just stick to that in order to avoid any hard feelings. Also when I was planning my wedding I told my grandma we were having "no children" and she automatically asked well what do you consider a child? Something I had not considered so you may want to think about if you just don't want young kids under 10 or so or if you want no one under 18 and then like I said before stick to that. I got married 2 months ago and I did not want to include the no children thing on the invite because I thought it would be tacky maybe but again your choice, if you do include it the best wording is "adults only" or something like that. I actually sent out save the dates fairly ahead of time they were magnets and along with the magnets I sent little typed out notes saying due to our desire to keep the day intimate we would be unable to invite children and that we appreciated everyone understanding and then when I sent the invitations I made sure to address them only to the adults or those who were invited. It's not a fool proof plan but I feel you on the no children thing... I love kids but I didn't want any crying or to waste money paying for numerous children's plates... I had to cut somewhere and it worked out great for my wedding, but it's not a fool proof plan you should weigh the pros and cons for your situation and remember it's your day you should have it your way! Good luck!

Answer 5

IT IS NOT RUDE! It is rude for people to push their screaming children on adults that want to spend a nice event with other adults. For my wedding, I spoke to each person face-to-face that had children and told them that we weren't having children at the wedding. Everyone was understanding and although 2 of my cousins did bring their children, they regretted it when they had to chase them around and couldn't enjoy themselves.

Answer 6

From the perspective of standard etiquette, Daisy is 100% correct.  Yes, some people are ignorant of the rules of society that say that no one is invited unless their name is on the invitation.  That is why it is your responsibility to call close friends and explain your decision.  They will not show up with little ones in hand if you have already discussed it with them.

The poster above is trying to be practical, and that's understandable.  But it's better to deal with sensitive subjects individually and personally rather than on a printed invitation.  We never mention in the invitations the people who are not invited.  That's just in poor taste.  

Why make yourself look ignorant of good etiquette in the eyes of everyone you invite just because some of your guests might not know any better?

Answer 7

If you've already invited children to the wedding, it would be rude to go back and tell your guests you'd prefer them to stay at home. However, if you haven't sent out the invitations yet, there's no problem with not inviting children to your wedding. In fact, I believe weddings are adult events and guests should know better than to bring their small children to them.

I totally understand where you're coming from with not wanting a child to start crying right in the middle of the ceremony. This is my absolute worst wedding nightmare. You're just about to say "I do" when you hear "WWAAAAAHHHHH!" from somewhere in the congregation. Yikes.... Talk about killing the perfect moment! (I've seen this happen many times and it drives me nuts to hear it, so I'd imagine how the bride feels!)

I can also understand where you're coming from on wanting your guests to have fun during the reception. There's always those few couples who bring the kids and are too busy chasing them to enjoy themselves. It totally brings down what the day should be.

As for whether or not people can afford sitters, this is what I plan to do at my wedding: I'm going to hire someone to keep the kids in another room of the church, such as a youth room. Of course, I'll make sure this person checks out first! But I think it would be easier that way rather than having guests get upset thinking I don't want their children there.

How would I put this on the invitation? Something along the lines of "Childcare offered during ceremony and reception" at the bottom of the invitation should be appropriate. Of course, if you didn't want children there at all, you would put "Adult reception to follow ceremony" instead.

Another good way to ensure guests get the hint that their children won't be invited is to address the invitations to the couples/parents only. Don't put "Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Family" as that would imply their children are invited. simply put "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" on the outter envelope, and "Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Smith" on the inner one. Etiquette goes that if one's name isn't on the invitation, that person isn't invited. As for RSVP cards, you could go ahead and write in each couple's/ parent's name. That way, they would get an even stronger hint that their children shouldn't come.

Unfortunately, you will more than likely have a few couples who simply don't get it and will try to write in their kids' names on the RSVPs or will RSVP for 4 when you only invited 2. When this happens, it is perfectly acceptable for you, an attendant, or a parent to call said guest(s) and explain your preferences. Your guests *should* respect your decision.

You may also have people who just show up carrying their little ones. If this happens, don't fret. This is actually how I thought of my nursery idea. Just in case someone shows up with kids after I'd expressly mentioned they were not invited, the parents could simply take them to the nursery. If you don't like the idea of a sitter, don't worry and don't get angry. It'll only cause more stress on an already stressful day. Just hope and pray the parent who brought their child knows how to keep them quiet during the ceremony.

Bottom line, don't let anyone let you feel guilty for not inviting children to your wedding. This is most certainly a reasonable request! Good luck!

Answer 8

no it not rude. it's you wedding.

yes it does go on the invite word it like this: Sorry no children allow

Answer 9

The guest list is entirely your decision as the host of the event.  However, part of good etiquette is consideration for your guests' comfort and needs.  

As far as the invitation goes, you MAY NOT for ANY REASON mention that children are not invited, nor may you say "adults only" reception.  It is tacky to include a dress code, any information about registry, or a statement of who is not included.  The time of the wedding and the formality of the invitation itself will tell people everything they need to know.

Instead, address the invitation only to the parents.  Schedule it for evening, if possible.  It is not required, but would be especially considerate, for you to call those guests with young children and personally explain your situation.  Tell them that you are terribly sorry, but with space and budget constraints it is simply not possible to include everyone along with their children, as it would magnify your guest list.

Perhaps you may wish to consider hiring a babysitter to mind guests' children during the ceremony and/or reception?

Contrary to a popular rumor these days, just because you are the bride does not mean it is "your day" or that you are the only one whose interests matter.  A wedding is a community event, and sensitivity should be shown to your guests.  

ETA: People can give me thumbs down if they like, but I am reporting what is standard etiquette in polite society.  I am only trying to help.

Answer 10

I think it's rude to not invite children to weddings.  But that's me.  There were lots of kids at my wedding and none of them cried through the ceremony (which was a full Catholic mass and therefore a bit longer than most ceremonies) and they were not in anyone's way during the reception.  No one left early because of their kids or "held back" at the reception.  

If you choose to not invite kids, just don't list their names on the invitation.  However, you are probably going to have to call those that inevitably put their kids down on the RSVP because most wedding allow children as it is a celebration of the joining of two families and most families include kids.

Answer 11

What do you mean ''un-invite?'' If you have already invited them then yes, it would be rude to un-invite them. I'm not having kids at my reception because most of our friends and family have 2 to 3 kids each and we simply can't afford to have them there nor do we have the space. If it was possible, I would have every single one of them there...but I simply can't. We are having an outdoor civil ceremony and will have the space for them to attend the ceremony so what we have done is written the invitations to the parents and left the kids names off. And at the bottom of the invites, we have stated that ''children are welcome at the ceremony.''  We thought it was a nicer way of saying ''please don't bring them to the reception.''  Its totally up to you but if you have already given people the impression that their kids are invited, you may be in for a couple of awkward conversations. Best of luck.

Answer 12

First of all, you haven't sent out invites, so you aren't uninviting them.

Yes, you can put in the invitation Adults Only, Please.  If someone shows up with a child in arms, all you can do is have someone who will ask Mom to go outside if the baby starts crying rather than trying to shush them.  While most moms are smart enough to figure this out, we all have attended weddings with people that just don't get it and let their kid caterwaul all through the wedding.

If people are offended that you don't want their kid at the wedding, it is their loss.  They do not have to attend. Their child will have no memory of the wedding, but your $800 expenditure for a videographer (not to mention the guests) will forever be imprinted with their wailing.

[edited to add] I disagree with poster Daisy.  Apparently she has no comprehension the stupidity of people who aren't paying $10,000 for the wedding to READ that the invitation does not include their children. I've even seen posters say that you should assume that your children are invited, after all, they are part of your family?! So, yes, absolutely, if you want no kids, make sure you state No Children under X.

I also disagree with posters that suggest that the bride should pick up the babysitting tab.  As a parent, that is YOUR job.  If you can't attend because you choose or can't afford babysitting, then decline the invitation.

Answer 13

You are not really uninviting them you are just not including them and it's totally your decision.  When people have children they know (or at least they should) that not every situation is a "kid friendly" situation and either you get a sitter or you don't go, that's life, nothing you can do about it.  Some people will find it highly offensive that you did not invite their little darling, but again, it's your wedding, you are paying for it and you get to decide who is invited and who is not.  On the reception card, you state "Please join us for an adult reception..."

Answer 14

I totally understand you. But you have to know that many parents don´t have sitters for many reasons and if they don´t take the kids with them, they won´t be able to go. Now, you call the shots because it´s your wedding. If you want an upbeat party and only adults you´ll just have to put it on your wedding cards and people will respect that. Some people might call and explain that because they can´t leave their baby or kids at home alone, won´t be able to assist. You´ll have to decide if at that moment you´ll accept them bringing their children or say "Oh man, that´s too bad!"

It´s good you are looking at all this details right now. One tip to assure most couples will be there is by getting out your invites early to let them figure out what to do with the kids! Remember parents need time and organization with leaving their kids alone or with sitters. You can expect some parents to feel this could be rude on your part, but you´ll only understand this once you become a parent yourself. Right now you´re not so I won´t preach on feeling like one. Enjoy your wedding just the way you want it because it´s a one time thing. And as long as you let everybody know on time, you´ll be fine.

Answer 15

No, it's your day. just explain that it is a formal affair and you prefer that only adults attend. it should be easy for guests to get a sitter...or you could even hire a sitter or two yourself to watch kids in another area separate from the wedding

p.s. kids suck- i would not want them at my wedding either

Answer 16

You'll find that it's not what others do at your wedding that will be memorable, but how you comport yourself.  It's better that you cause no perceived selfish incident than suffer the possibility of normal crowd noise.  Your memories will be as much about how others perceived you as how you perceived them and a 'gracious and unfazed you' is the best possible image you could hope for.  Best wishes.

Answer 17

That's a Hard One You Might Loose Some Guest By Doing That But If that is What u want to Do just Be nice & explain the reason why u dont want kids at the wedding Try to talk to the People you no that have kids By Phone or in person So they dont think your being Mean .. & Good Luck With The Wedding Congrats =]

Answer 18

a difference between uninvite and not invite.  Send invitations with the adults name on them.  Let everyone know that you are not inviting any children.  If they cant get a sitter, then they have to stay home.  If someone shows up,  have them turned away.  Appoint a person, like maybe an uncle to do that.  don't let them spoil the wedding.  If they are rude enough to bring the child uninivted it will probably make a big problem and other folks who got sitters will resent it.

Answer 19

Hi.  Well, in fact, you are not "un-inviting" the kids, because you have not yet sent the invitations.

Many couples feel as you do.  What you would do would be to indicate this on the RECEPTION CARD (not the invitation).  For example:

Adult reception to follow the ceremony

Golf Shores Country Club

111 Golf Shores Drive

That's it!

Answer 20

You can do an "adults only" invite or have prearranged babysitting at the reception that way it does not leave anyone out of your wedding or offend anyone!

Answer 21

Yes, it's rude. However, you could set up a playroom and hire someone to watch the kids and they can play with other kids at the wedding. You can have coloring books, toys, whatever will keep them busy.

To be honest, the kids won't want to be there any more than you want them there, anyway.

Answer 22

Yes, is the short answer.  However, it is your wedding, so it is your prerogative.  Just be prepared for some friends or family to simply not show up if they resent it or can't find a sitter.

Alternative things you could do would be to have a wedding in the evening, as many little kids go to bed as early as 7pm (and thus most parents would simply hire a sitter without being told to).

If you're dead set on not having them their make sure you address the invitations to the parents only, and somewhere on there say "adults only".

You should also be prepared for some people to ignore your request.

I get that you don't want screaming kids at your wedding.  However, you don't want everything so rigidly controlled that you forget to have fun.  It is, after all, supposed to be a joyous occasion.

Alternately again, you could have ushers who's main job would be to quickly help parents out of the area who's kids are fussy or you could go so far as to have a room and some volunteer nannies standing by where parents could drop off their kids under a certain age (maybe under 6?)

Answer 23

Yes. It is rude. if you already invited them you should not

uninvited them. Plus kids are not that bad.

I got married a few months ago and no kid cried.

I am sure if anything the parents would go outside to calm the child down.  

Answer 24

if you dont want kids there, dont invite them. weddings arent really fun for kids anyway.

if you are inviting any neices or cousins of babysitting age talk to them beforehand and ask them if they would be the baby wrangler if anyone makes the mistake of bringing thier child. that way you wont have to deal with it.

Answer 25

NO LIKE U I DONT WANT KIDS TO RECK MI WEDDING ITS A DAY A GIRL WAITS THERE WHOLE LIFE AND NO KIDS ARE GOING TO RECK IT

Answer 26

Yes it is rude .I know you will loose many guest . People will be offended. They feel if my children can't come then I won't come this is a very sensitive subject so be careful how you word things.Good luck