Is it rude when people talk 'through' others to you?

Question

My family have this habit of not speaking directly to me, like when they need something, or want to organise an event, they will speak to my sister or mum and get them to ask me, its happening with EVERYTHING and driving me nuts! Am I right to be offended? I'm at the verge of not doing anything for them unless they can actually speak to me directly, I am available most of the time, I have a mobile number which they all have to call me, they know my work phone and my emails, so pretty much no excuse?

Answer 1

At the gatherings you haer about from your sister and mom give out your phone number to those people and tell them to call you directly with any questions or comments because while your family is always willing to relay messages you're always available also.

Answer 2

Regardless of your age it is considered very rude. My family does it do and it gets very annoying. I would tell them straight out to just come out and ask or talk to you or when the person elected to do the asking finally asks you just say no. They will either get the hint or ask what is wrong. I am sure they are aware of it and are not , not asking you directly because they are worried what the answer will be. They are just being rude. Good luck.  :)

Answer 3

Hails,

If this is an ongoing thing in your family, don't take it personally. It seems like they believe they can rely on you. Thus, if it bothers you like you say it does be a bit more proactive so people stop treating the way you hate.

Next time you are told by a third party about someone else's request, call the Asker directly and tell her that the third party said there was something she needed from you and you are returning her "call". When the asker is explaining to you whatever is they asked the third party to tell you, ask her if she has your phone number so she can call you directly next time she needs anything. This way you aren't being aggressive, but assertive and generous.

Also inform your mom and sis that next time a relative calls to ask for a favor, they should tell him to call you directly. Let them know how much it bothers you so they sympathize with you and follow your request.

Obviously it seems no big deal to your family to act this way. So unless you take charge of the situation, their behavior won't change by itself.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

  It is very rude. I believe it is as rude as reading over your shoulder, talking with food in your mouth, whispering in front of others, and pushing in front of people in queues.

Answer 5

yes. you should be offended - a lot!

maybe u should just stop doing what they want and wait until one of them finally clicks and realises they should talk directly to you. or you can always just do the same to them until they realise how annoying it is. either way it is extreamly rude not to talk directly to people and the fact that its your family is even worse!

maybe you should try asking why they do it?

Answer 6

They should talk to you directly.. it makes no sense.. unless they need the others agreement and just want to ask for yours as well but also need that of your other siblings.. then if your mom happens to ask your sister first and then says to your sister to contact you it's ok but if your mom specifically wants some information or need something from you in particular and your sister has nothing to do with it.. then your family should phone you first... if it's a family event.. she probably can reach your sister more easily and it's not a decision just for you to make but the entire family so she asks your sister and then your sister gets on to you... if that was the case I would not take it as an offense if your sister can be reached by your mom more easily and your mom needs both of you to know about this matter but if it's something just between you and your mom.. then she should phone or email you directly .. in that case it makes no sense to involve your sister... xx

Answer 7

Yea its rude. They should directly talk to you. Maybe they don't realize they're doing it....You should speak up and tell them you want to be spoken directly to about whatever it is they want you to do.

Answer 8

Humm...don't let it get on you to hard though. Happened to me lots of times. I would'nt say its rude, neither it is right. Sometimes they might have reasons (example they're shy and wonder if you will say yes or something)...

Answer 9

it's become a habit, ask your mum and sister to tell them to get in touch directly with you.  

Answer 10

Yes I agree with you it is rude, they have no excuse since they have your details, the only thing I can come up with to say that they may not feel as close to you as they do your sister or other family members,cos I don't know why they wouldn't ask you directly.

Next time this happens ring your family memeber and say "did you tell ie Karen to tell me we are having a BBQ on Sat" (for example) and if they say "yes" just say "Oh I was wondering why you didn't call me directly and tell me" and see what they say, either that or bring it up with them next time when you see them.

Answer 11

haha reminds me of 4th grade.

Answer 12

hire a publicity agent for a week and have all requests go thru him/her, and see how they feel.