Is it smarter to have some one you know have your baby?

Question

My partner & i really want to raise a family of our own more then anything. adopting seems really difficult & long. i was wondering is it better to have a women you know (bestfriend) have your baby? wht happens after that? what papers will need to be signd.

Answer 1

Some interesting reading for you:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Whatever you choose to do, get yourself as educated as possible, about what's best for the CHILD, not what's best for you.  The blog referred to in the above question will be a huge learning experience for you.  It was for me.

Answer 2

I don't believe in surrogocy.  I had thought about it when I found out I couldn't carry a child, and I tried the test tube route, and much more.  After 6 major surgeries, I tried a few private adoptions that never went through.  I had heard so many nightmare stories from people about fostering and adoption, that I didn't consider it.  After 18 years after my son was born, I adopted a baby boy.  I could not love this child any more if I had given birth to him myself.  His birthmom lived with me for 3 months before he was born, which made the transition for him much easier.  I believe that there are so many children who truly need parents, and on the other hand, there are so many women whose hearts break when they are in such a way that they end up letting another woman have the privalege (and it is just that) of raising her child.  I don't think I could do this to anyone on purpose, however, I know that my son's first mom actually said to me that it was a relief to get to know me, and that I was going to adopt our son.  The problems that could arise between friends is so much, that could you bear to lose your best friend over her carrying your child, and then possibly lose the child because of a legal technicality?    Please choose adoption.  In most states, it's free!  And believe me, the love you feel when you look in that child's eyes, and have that bond of trust when they look at you, well, there's nothing like it.  It's beautiful!!!!!!!   I just hope his first mom becomes a good part of his life also, because I also believe that there can't be too many people to love a child.  Good luck, and say a prayer. Maybe a miracle will happen and you will get your baby, whether it be yours biologically or by adopting.  Either way, it's your child, and you will love it!

Answer 3

Is a very complicated question, I suppose you have done all for have a baby and nothing, your question about some one know.....do you think that somebody can do this? spend 9 months and after leave the baby?........I wouldn`t like my baby has the heritage of this feelings, somebody who accept for money have a baby and after leave him is not easy to find.

Answer 4

I've really thought a lot about surrogacy, not as a personal option for our family, but just as a general issue in society.

I really think that it's one of those things where our society's ethics and social mores just haven't caught up to our technology.  There's not a lot of data out there on what issue children of surrogates face and how they cope, but the data out there is suggesting that children of surrogates have a rough time.

Let alone, pregnancy and childbirth is not a risk-free process.  I question the ethics of asking someone to endanger their lives and health in order to provide a child for  a family that wants one.  

I can understand and sympathize the reasons for having a surrogate, but I can't rationalize the ethics.  

Just my opinion.

Answer 5

You're talking about surrogacy - and personally - I feel it's even messier for an adoptee than adoption.

(let alone illegal in some states)

In adoption at least (most of the time) the truth is allowed - that the child is born to one set of parents - and adopted by another.

The child essentially had 4 sets of parents - and the child needs to know who they all are - and why they were given up - for better emotional and psychological well being.

A child will not understand being a made-to-order child - just to fulfill another couples dream.

To actually make a baby with one couple - to transfer over to another - just so you can have a family - may seem fine for some adults - but it's a whole heap of head mess for the adoptee. I know adults that were conceived this exact same way - and it's even messier to know that your mother thought this was OK - to give you away this way.

Adoption should be about finding homes for children that don't have them.

This stuff should not be about making a baby - knowingly to give that baby to another.

There are thousands out there that need a loving home.

Why go and purposely make a child - that has to live with the head mess of purposely being given away - to fulfill YOUR dreams.

Babies instinctively want to stay with the mother they grew inside.

They have already bonded for 9 months.

They share the same genetic makeup.

They are not blank slates to mold into whatever you please.

Please do some major homework about this stuff - and seek information from those that have been surrogacy children.

It's far more complex than - 'oh - yeah - lets just have our friend have a baby for us'.

These kids grow up.

It's about them - not about you.

Well - it should be - but sadly - too often - it isn't.

Answer 6

It depends..is she going to want shared custody of the child or terminate her rights and are you ok with what she decides? Either way you would need a contract before starting that clearly states the intentions of yours and her agreement. You'll need a lawyer as well as her for all of that. A pre-birth order can be done along with the contract which states who the childs parents will be, it helps out at the hospital and for getting the child's birth certificate, SSN, etc.

  In some cases this works out great being someone you know but things still go wrong. A friend of mine adopted her sisters baby and everything went perfectly. Another friend of mine carried a child for her sister in law and once she was pregnant the SIL changed everything...said they weren't going to pay for any of it, she'd said she would stay home with the baby and went back to work almost right after birth and her mother takes care of it more then she does. It ended up being a mess. Then there's always the ones who change their mind. If she's biologically related to the child it can get messy, if not and with a contract there isn't much to worry about.

  On the flip side haveing this arrangement with someone you don't know prior can have any of the same outcomes except that you don't know them prior so the risks are slightly higher. An experienced carrier is generally a better idea then a 1st time carrier alhtough more expensive.

   I didn't know any of my couple before starting, I met them soley to be a carrier for them and got to know them through the process and our journey together.

Answer 7

i think its a good idea i wish i knew a freind like that my husband and i love babies and cant have one so the papers are online and its a private way to do it freelegalpapers/com good luck

Answer 8

Are you talking about surrogacy?   Unfortunatly in some states it's illegal... If I were you I would check that out first

Answer 9

On one hand you will have all medical and heritage information for your child. The child would have a relationship with or at least have access to their birthmother/surrogate/ maternal birthside. The birthmother/surrogate might even take on the role of Aunt.

Surrogacy laws also vary from state to state. There are some draw backs what if she changes her mind and in most cases she would have every right to do that even more if she was not just the birthmother but the biological mother as well. Even in some cases where a surrogate is not the biological mother but just carrying a baby from a donated egg, being the birthmother she is also the legal mother. Most recommend that surrogates have had at least one health pregnancy.

If you want to do this I would research the surrogacy laws in your state. If your friend (or any surrogate) is married then her spouse would have to give up his rights because when a woman is married her husband is always the legal father.

I would also sit down and talk to your partner about what you all would want and expect out of this surrogacy. Whose sperm will you use to create the child? I read of one surrogacy of a g*y couple and they used the sperm of both of them in the IFV the result was that they never knew for sure who was the biological father of their baby, but that’s the way they wanted it.

If you use a close friend what will her role be in the baby's life?

You should also read  up on surrogacy children/donor children good and bad, this way you will be prepared whatever way your child falls and be able to help him or her as much as possible.