Is it such a dreaful thing that i am planning to run away after my daughters dad collects her in the morning?

Question

The thing is, i had her when i was 16, not having parents myself it was really hard, and its been ten years now, her dad has never been there to help and just got on with his life, last year he took me to court for access, he lost, so afterwards i tried to set up contact with him, he went all weird on my poking his nose in my love life then we had arguments and he stopped seeing her, in the morning he is collecting her for the first time in months.

He has never helped me financially, im currently at university, i work part time when i can get childcare but since i was 16 (26 now) i have been stuck in, pennyless, lonely, frustrated and sad and now i am at the end of my tether. I love her so much and feel bad for her but im desperate.

Cant sleep its like 3am

Answer 1

no no no!!it is not your daughters fault that you had a bad childhood.you need to stick with it and make a good life for her.how do you know her dad will stick this time??please do not leave her.she needs her mummy.maybe he will help out now and you can have some sort of social life when she is with him.

Answer 2

Just think of how it will affect your daughters life,your mom is partially why your doing this.What is she does the same to her daughter as the affect of a broken childhood?You shouldn't leave her with someone like that,he probably won't treat her right and may even give her up.Then if you decide you want to get back into contact with her after a while she most likely will resent you for the rest of her life.Your life and hers already seems really difficult,don't make it any worse.If you really love her don't do it,think about how she will feel knowing her mom couldn't handle her...she would blame herself.Also do me a favor and put up another post tomorrow with what happened,I'm seriously concerned for this little girl.

Answer 3

no

Answer 4

don't run whilst your daughter is with her father, she'll come back to an empty house, no mother and then the feeling of being abandoned followed by panic. When your daughter comes back today sit down with her and talk about the situation. explain that fact that you feel so down and let her come to a decision whether she wants to stay with her father for a time or just see him on visits.

Answer 5

Do what is best for you. As long as you know your daughter will be looked after properly she will be ok.  

Answer 6

You're just gonna runaway and give up? Pull it together for your daughter's sake. If you really love her, don't leave her like this. It could make her resent you when she's older and hurt her a lot. My mother put me into foster care when I was 7, I only saw her on weekends. I know what it's like to miss your mommy.

This is gonna hurt her a lot! Think about it.

Answer 7

Don't bail out on her, you would only feel worse in the long run. You don't say how long you have left to finish your degree, but i am sure once you do you will be able to get a higher paying job and things will slowly start to improve. Have you been to your local library to see if there are any single parent groups that you could join. If you could talk to someone face to face who has been through a similar problem it may help. I was a single parent for nine years but I had my mam and some good friends who helped me out in times like yours. I hope you make the right choice.

Answer 8

yes, just because you didn't have parents, doesn't give you the right to bail on your daughter.  It seems like he isn't a very good father, why would you want to leave your daughter w/ a man like that?

Answer 9

Run Forrest Run.

Answer 10

Dont do it! Ur daughter will never forgive you and you will regret it in years 2 come. It really upsets me that u would even think about doing this to ur daughter she should be the most important thing in your life no matter what,it doesent matter how much money u have she should be the reason why ur carrying on every day,but if you would rather have money than ur daughter u dont even deserve her! dads leave there kids alot but a mum is the only person in the world that should always be there for you! if you have children you should always put them first no matter what even if things are at their worst! im very lucky cuz iv got the best mum ever she had kids really young and she had 2 bring up 8 of us things were really bad but she did her best and we got there in the end and no matter what happens to me i always know i have my mum whi is the most important thing to me. I really think ur being so selfish, i wudnt be who i am today if i didnt hav my mum when i was growing up. an old best friend of mine her mum walked out on her at 15 and shes never been them same since shes hooked on drugs now its the only thing she has! and if you think that she will be fine as your leaving her with her  dad she wont be she will need her mum, when she meets her 1st bf an wants ur addvice, when she wants a girlie night in an watch a chick flick together, seriously dont do it to her its just wrong put her 1st always!

Answer 11

I know where you are. My daughters are OUT of STATE w/ their deadbeat father for 2 1/2 WEEKS. I'm dying. BUT...it's about time this guy has gotten himself back into your daughters' life. I know, I hate it too. But your child needs to know who her father is regardless how you feel about him. She'll figure things out herself as she gets older. Some men are like dogs, peeing on things they think they own. No one can take care of your child like you can. You need to make this into a positive. Will he have her more often? Take this as a chance to better yourself for YOUR sake. This will make you a more balanced and stable mother for your daughter. Concentrate on your studies when she's not there. GROW!!! She'll be taken care of when she's gone, if not, I'm sure she'll tell you. She's 10, she'll speak up. Pennyless, work more when she's w/ him. Lonely, make friends when you can. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're teaching her to be the victim. Kids are smart and they learn what they see every day. Keep your chin up. Change is hard, but make it for the best.

Answer 12

No, don't take off but do call social services for help. Let them know how you are feeling and ask for help. They can set up services for you so that you get needed respite and maybe even some free classes or one on one help.

Since it sounds as if you don't have family support, create your own family. Church family often fills the gap Understand that you are not a bad parent, you are just tired and burnt out. The child's father may eventually become a better help to you and the two of you may work out some answers if you work together on it.

Answer 13

No, you maybe all your daughter has one day especially if her dad is in and out of her life. Your daughter looks up to you do the right thing and raise her the best u can!! She is a child and it is not her fought that you are going through rough times right now. Maybe u need to get out with friends and enjoy your self while she is with her dad.Good Luck

Answer 14

Sounds like you just need a break, hon.  My mom walked out on my 4th birthday...I've never gotten over it.   I still feel abandoned, unwanted, unloved.  It has affected every relationship I ever had.  

Take a few days, get some perspective and ask your family for some help.  

Answer 15

don't leave ur daughter b/c if u ever want to see her again he will get lawyers involved preventing u to have contact. he say stuff like she is an unfit mother, she ran off she might run off again. don't leave ur daughter just try to get more money out of him

Answer 16

hpney dont run away from your problemsi ts hard being brought up with out your mum or dad but you dont want to do it for your child cause she might just post the exact same question in six years maybe if while she is away go on a break from your town stay in a B&B or hotel for a couple of days and it will be a releaf from where your a living and new scenery but please dont run away from your child she would be so heart broken and so will you  

Answer 17

Running solves nothing, and will make your 10 yr old feel like c**p, abandoned by her only true parent.  I know its hard, but that is life.

I suggestion you refocus yourself, take sometime, and get your barrings.

Who are you running from?  Yourself?  Ya, run fast and hard, you might beat her out of the room (lol).  Try just taking a breath.

Love your daughter, and take a moment to ask yourself- "in ten years what will I regret from this choice?"

Answer 18

You did'nt have parents and you see what your life is. Do you really want to do this to your daughter that you love? Her father does'nt sound like a fine upstanding person that you can trust to take care of a child. No, I would not bail out on her now. You should see if you can get some govenment help with child care so you can get into the public sector and seek some work. I know you would feel better about yourself. Complete you university studies and hopefully everything will start looking up for you and your daughter.