Is it time to move out?

Question

My dad has gotten on my last nerve. He consistently argues about small things and it just highly unpleasant to be around. He works about 3 hours away and I only see him on weekends and even then, he is extremely argumentative. Today he came home and not only didn't he say hello, he complained that the house was "too cold" and that he didn't like the fact we left the newspaper outside. I'm 18 and am contemplating moving out. I have an appointment to see some off campus apartments and even if I need to take out a loan, its better than me staying at home with him. He said "we agreed you would stay home a year" but "we" didn't, he did. How can I get him to quit being rude to me and my mom?

Answer 1

Hi there! Olivia said one major factor there, and that is you should feel safe and comfortable at home. That should be your safe haven and when your dad comes home on the weekends, he disrupts that. With having to support a family, traveling so many miles away to do so, and then only being able to see your family on weekends, is a lot of stress to deal with.  I reiterate what everyone else has said and sit down with your dad and your mom together, and in a loving, and calm way, start your conversation out by saying, "Dad, Mom, I love you, and I want to be here with you while I go to College, but this is the way I'm feeling...." and then go into how you feel, explain why, still using a loving and calm voice, and express to them in the beginning of your conversation that you need for them to listen to you  until you are completely done with what you have to say, and then they can have their turn.  He may not realize it, but he is putting some added stress upon you as well, and you're already probably stressing out with going to college too, and you nor your family needs the added stress. Take the time to talk to them, and listen too, to what they have to say. May be your dad is going through something that he doesn't know how to talk about and he's expressing it through his unhealthy actions towards you all. And he needs to try and open up as well. The more we talk about how we feel, the less stress we have and the more we can come up with solutions and move on with our lives.

Sounds like your dad doesn't want to lose you either. Parents often forget to 'listen' to their children. We get so caught up in trying to support our family and life's mishaps that surround us, that we forget to 'stop and smell the roses'. We forget to 'take the time' and have fun. And it seems as though that's what your dad needs as well. He needs a long vacation to wind down and have some deserved FUN in his life. And he also needs some "quality time" with his wife, your mother, and with you, and as a whole family. May be suggest that in your conversation too. You'd be surprised what quality time can do to help in matters like this. :-)

Take care, and many blessings to you and your family!

Answer 2

dear, i know that moving out seems like a good plan but with school you will be busy and when you aren't doing school work you will be hanging out with friends...and even staying over at their places.  don't take out a loan for housing just yet.  you don't want to get yourself into more debt than you can handle.  or get a job while you go to school and pay for the apartmkent that way.  see what your mom thinks too.

Answer 3

Sounds like he is stressed honey. It must be difficult only seeing your family on the weekends. You sound like a sweet daughter...sit your Dad down and talk to him...tell him he is hurting your feelings as well as your mothers and you would love to have a good relationship and stay home for a year (eventhough you didn't agree to it) if he would only lighten up and not be so argumentative and Complainey (lol..is complainey a word?) anyway try to be patient,, and talk to your mom...what does she think about you moving out? Do you want to leave your mom right now? At present you only have to deal with your dads poor attitude on the weekends...but living at home definitely has its advantages (no rent,no bills to speak of, good food...lol...etc..) My daughter (oldest) will be 18 in December and then off to College next year...I WANT HER TO LIVE AT HOME while she goes to College...take moms feelings into account..K?  K!  ~~Aloha from a MOM~~

Answer 4

You might try sitting down and talking to him about it.  If he drives for 3 hours each way every day, he's probably so tired he doesn't realize he's doing it.  Also, you may be 18 but to dads, you're always their little girl and they want to protect you.  I know you don't think that's cool but hey, he's older than you and has seen a lot more of life than you have.  Learn to listen to him and use the experiences he's had in life to avoid the mistakes he's made in his early life.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Im sorry that you are having to deal with this.  I'm sure it is putting you under a lot of stress.  You need to try to sit down with both of your parents are the same time and talk to them about the situation and how it is making you feel.  Tell them that it is to the point where you don't even like being at home, which is the place you should feel the most safe and comfortable.  

I hope this will help make things better.

good luck!

Answer 7

I'd leave or say, if you don't be nicer and more respectfull to me I'm moving out. I'm an adult and I can do what I please.