Is it time to rethink the offer?

Question

I have a friend who needed a place to stay. I offered to allow her to come live with me and my family as part of the family three weeks ago. She was all set to come out, and then I find out through her blog that she wasn't coming.. the only way I've gotten any updates from her is to ask for them. I haven't heard from her in over a week. Is this a sign I should just rescind the offer? Is it me, or is this a rude thing to do to someone who opens their home and family to you?

Answer 1

It's possible they've been to focused on other things to include you in their plans.

Actually, I think if they had the time to blog it, then they have time to email it.  

Answer 2

It is quite rude.

I would re-think the offer, and probably retract it.

If she cannot be responsible enough to communicate with you properly in this regard, there is a likelyhood that if she DID end up staying with you, you would suffer from other effects of her immaturity and lack of communication. For example, I had the personal experience of giving a friend a place to stay, and he ended up taking advantage of us, spending all his money instead of saving for a home, and treating our home and us with little respect. We put up with this for 3 months, and it was only supposed to be 3 weeks. It was a great source of stress, and negatively effected my relationship with my boyfriend (we almost broke up / killed each other several times, and we have rarely had a serious fight before our friend moved in, or since we kicked him out), and negatively effected my ability to function at college.

I highly caution against offering your home to people who have shown to be unreliable and irresponsible. It may be that these character traits are the reason she needs a place to say, and if that is so, it will do her no good to have someone hold her up when she's down - she needs to hold herself up, and accept the consequences she brings upon herself, even if that means being down and out for a while. Tough love ;).  

Answer 3

She sounds like she is taking you for granted.

Reconsider the offer.

Its your home so it isnt rude!

(:

Answer 4

the thing is you two are supposed to be friends.... real good friends if i stop and consider the offer you made her.

i should say i regard this, her attitude, as extremely inconsiderate. it goes beyound rude!!

when you open your heart, your life to someone you do it so you can help and be close as real friends do in the hour of need...

when the one you're trying to help shuts you out without a word, it's time to reconsider that friendship.

you could sit down calmly and have a conversation.... but also make it perfectly clear the offer's no longer standing

``

((kallan))

Answer 5

Greetings!

Go ahead and call.

/!\

Answer 6

I have opened my home to those in need in the past.  It is a big commitment - and one that a person doesn't understand until they've been through it.  

I think that the person should let you know their plans, because I know you have a family of your own to balance and you can't really plan anything for the future until you know who's living with you.  It is a very uncomfortable "up in the air" kind of feeling and affects everyone in your household.

Answer 7

I think that was extremely rude,yes.

When you open your home to someone,you have to take the time to prepare for them as I'm sure you have.And to top it off by not telling you when she knows full well (and made it clear to everyone else through her blog!)she was not coming,is a slap in the face.

That would be it for me.

((((Kallan))))

Answer 8

seems like you took your offer very seriously and the other person may or may not have, one cannot know, not knowing the way she relates to life.

i'd give her a last chance and phone or email asking... are you coming?

once you know, you can decide your next step.

i just hope this one incident doesnt stop you from opening your hearth and heart to people. if there's room in the latter there's always room in the former.

Answer 9

If you feel able to do this, I would suggest you are direct with her.  You had offered for her to come and live as part of your family - but her behaviour is that of someone who feels no connection to you and your family, and hence your offer cannot stand.  You might want to state explicitly that finding out through her blog, rather than through friendly communication, that she isn't intending to come is not compatible with the sort of offer you have made to her.  

I would urge you to make it clear that she is no longer welcome.  If she can behave like this, I don't expect it would get any better if she DID move in, and that would be a ghastly situation for you and your family.  If you want to salvage anything of the friendship, don't let her stay - that would be the end of any sort of friendship between you.

EDIT:  if Scarlett really is the person you're talking about, as she implies, I can only say that making the apology on here rather than directly and personally to you merely compounds the problem.....

Answer 10

I don't know what to say other than I am very sorry. It was never my intention to be rude. I am extremely grateful for everything you have done and have offered to do.

I honestly wasn't trying to ignore you or anything and if that's the impression I un-intentionally gave, I apologize for that as well.