Is it time to tarmac Britain?

Question

It seems to me that there are not enough roads and not enough parking spaces in Great Britain. Too much area is taken up by the countryside.

The answer, surely, is to tarmac the whole of Britain. The difficult bits, like Snowdonia and the Grampions could be flattened first, possibly with nuclear weapons.

This would be good for the environment, because any journey could then be in a straight line, the most direct route, thereby saving fuel and emissions.

We could employ the peasantry to keep it clean.

Answer 1

At last, someone talking some sense around here.

I shall have a word with Gordon for you. (He fancies me, you know).

Answer 2

omg shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!! the countryside is great why spoil it!!!!!

Answer 3

The best plans are often the simplest old boy, I have often said the use of nuclear weapons as way of easing traffic congestion has been greatly overlooked. Tip top.

Answer 4

just turn it into one big carpark ....ncp.....could rule the country

Answer 5

Definately. What do plants do anyway? They mean certain death or serious injury for reckless drivers; they ought to be slapped with bloody ASBOs for their obstinancy in the face of humans. They also horde our wonderful, probably limited supply of, carbon dioxide.

Answer 6

Hahaha.... The visual imagery in my mind is hilarious. I second your idea. After all, who are we to argue with the Romans? Straight lines are logical and will ultimately save on fuel thus 'helping' to cut down pollution.

Answer 7

i second D.W.

Answer 8

what a fantastic idea "sir terrance", think of the possibilities of air travel too. No longer shall we suffer with limited runways! Our airports will be the marvel of the world!

Answer 9

Why bother with the permit process when good friends stand ready to assist England in these matters.  I'm positive French

missiles can be found already targeted for Grampions and

Snowdonia.  English is abroad enough as is on sun seeking

holidays not to mention bloddy colonials so it isn't likely to

vanish all at once; more the pity from perspective of Ireland.

Any last words, old thing.

Answer 10

That's a great idea. How about we all pester our councils until they meet our demands?

By the way would the peasants be shipped in?

Answer 11

Have you fully thought this through old chap ? A tarmac-covered Britain would allow Chavs to travel easily from town to town in 4x4 vehicles.  We'd see them everywhere!  The elite such as you and I have no need of parking.  We are chauffeured from venue to venue in our Bentleys.  Why make life easier for these oiks?

Answer 12

How amusing.

Answer 13

Personally, I would suggest that we recolonize Ireland. Build a bridge from this sceptered isle to the land of spuds and leprechauns. Then tarmac them.......

After all, one wouldnt be able to enjoy the cricket, or ascot anymore ?

But in principle I'll invest

Answer 14

My good Sir, one can only agree with you on the matter, you could however flatten the foreign lands as well such as the Americas, you could use young Jonny "The Mick" Maun and his gang of lackeys, they have a love affair with the old tarmac and can lay it faster than an Essex girl ? they should have it all done by tea time.

Answer 15

i think this as well this is because there is a law saying to protect rual britain it hard for me because soon i would what to build a building but where

Answer 16

Time to re- tarmac Britian juging by the state of the roads near where i live

Answer 17

Good idea - I wouldn't use tarmac though - just lots and lots of hedgehogs - very green.

Come to think of it, since the hedgehogs wouldn't have anywhere to live any more and there would be even more cars you'd probably find that the problem solved itself.

Self-building roads - brilliant :-)

Answer 18

Dear Sir Terrance - Blue sky thinking of the first water!  We know you have already tarmac'd your own vast acreage - only 978 years until you can take down the skull and crossbones signs for radioactivity!   Marmelade should fall in with this straight away, but I believe Lady McFud has a fondness for showing foreign gentlemen her garden.  Would there be an exemption for the gardens of the gentry?

Answer 19

Good plan. I particularly liked the bit about the peasants. I might see if I can find one.

Answer 20

no way we should try and preserve the countryside for as long as possible

Answer 21

Great idea and to save money we can get the job done by Gypsies who will be able to cover the whole country with one wheel barrow full of tarmac spread out thinner than fairies bog roll.

Answer 22

Ahem! I should like to second that if we can restrict the tarmacing of my house and my Mothers.

Answer 23

Gawd, don`t encourage them: they are not doing so bad as it is: already the flood water has nowhere to go!

Answer 24

Well, hayfever sufferers would thank you anyway ... oh wait, no they wouldn't - they'd be suffocating due to a fatal lack of oxygen, just like the rest of us. That is of course if anyone were to survive the nuclear fallout.

If we survived long enough to need food, we'd have to import it ALL which would mean pollution (no ground to grow anything' even if there were any nothing would grow). We'd have to import absolutely everything.

One solution to the problem: on yer bike!

Literally. Cycling keeps you healthy, is non-polluting, cheaper, and generally much better than any fuel-based transport.