Is it too late for my marriage, is he really growing up?

Question

I met my husband when I was 14 (now 28). We went out, he was my first, and we stayed together til I was 21. I never cheated on him in that time. He did. We broke up when I was 21 because I had enough of not being trusted for no reason. Got back after both dating other people, I turned 22 and got pregnant by him. Had a baby at 23, broke up a few months later after moving in together for the first time. Dated other people again. At 26 after casually dating again decided to get married 4 months later. Got pregnant on our wedding night. It is now going to be 2 years from our Wedding.

When we got married we both told each other our life plans and his was to get a good job that he was taking a test for, or go to school for the same thing I chose to go to school for. He didnt' get the first job. We both took the test to get into my school together and he didnt pass, he needs better math skills. I am due to graduate in May with a very well paying job. (AND I WAS PREGNANT AND HAD A BABY and am STILL graduating) He works 4 days a week because he is STILL (2 years later) trying to get into a school but isn't studying math cause he's too involved with fantasy football. He never watched the kids, cleaned the house or basically do anything to help me. I go to school and work a part time job.

We've been in marriage counseling since January.

He did something REALLY stupid which caused him to be out of work and earning only $150 per week while on disability since April, he still has another 4 weeks at least til he goes back to work.

I am frustrated and told him I want to leave. Since I told him he has been helping and doing things around the house but I almost feel as if it's too late. I am so confused. I dont know if this will last because in the past he has told me he was going to do things and then after a while it dies out.

I live in an apartment cause we can't afford a house.

I feel like the husband.

How much longer to I wait to see if this change is real?

Answer 1

Wow. We seem to live parallel lives almost! Try to stick it out with him. I remember feeling like the husband and holding it down for the family off of my teacher salary. He would be home in his boxers playing PS3 or X-box with the little one walking around in a dirty diaper in a nasty house! The great part is that my husband actually grew up and is currently in his college class right now and works a good job during the day. It took a while and tough times but now everything is coming together. Wait it out a little, don't give up.

Answer 2

Um, just to make sure, you ARE using birth control now... right?

Answer 3

use a condom or other bc, and no he's not growing up, he's afraid you are going to kick him to the curb and he has no where else to go, so of course he is going to be all nicey nice and help around the house...

Answer 4

Stick with it until you feel you've had enough.  Maybe he will actually change, slowly but surely.  

Answer 5

You have to trust your husband and believe his words, if he proves he can not be trusted then you have to go on that aspect and change things. You have children which makes everything difficult. He is still their Dad and leaving will only cause problems in that area. You need to stay together because I think he can do better and will do better if he can only understand he has to put out some extra effort. If he loves his family he will try. If you have made it easy for him to lay back and do nothing he never will change. Its time to set some boundaries and explain to him what they are. If he breaks the, be prepared to act but don't divorce. I think he will do better, he just has to 'want to' and its up to you to get him to want to.