Is it too late to have a relationship with my father?

Question

I am 27 years old. When I was 7 my mother and father divorced. My dad lived within a few miles from me but he was never in contact with me. Just last year he wants to have a relationship with me. He comes over about once a month and well...how do I say this nicely...I don't feel we have anything in common. When he talks about the past he says that my mother made it difficult for him to see me (and he bad mouths my mom which I do not feel is right because she made mistakes but she did raise me for my whole life and did a decent job of it).

Deep down, I want a relationship with him, but it is difficult. He also does not do anything but sit in his house and watch TV so conversing with him is really boring as he talks only about Court TV.

What should I do? His birthday is this Sunday and he's coming over for dinner. How can I start having a father-son relationship with a stranger? I feel terrible because I want to have this, but for some reason I can't open myself up to it. Any advice would be great.

Answer 1

A sexual relationships not advised but any other would work

Answer 2

It's not too late, but you have to decide what you're comfortable

with.  As far as him bad-mouthing your mom, I would just tell

him, "No way, I'm not letting you go there. Change the subject or

I'm leaving."  If you want to spend time with him, maybe find something

you could do together, like bike riding or fishing.  If he isn't into that,

then you can always tell him you just don't have anything in common,

except DNA, and that isn't enough.  It's weird when your dad wants to

be a dad after all this time, you can either accept it, or say "no thanks."

Answer 3

you need to forgive him for being like a child himself and not having anything to do with you all these years and tell him as nicely as you can that you love your mom and when hes in your home he will not bad mouth her in front of you and maybe try to find something in common to do together or at least talk about start out with baby steps maybe a movie or a sports event go out for a pizza and a beer if you drink just dont over do it maybe go fishing let him know how hurt you feel toward him and tell him it is going to take time to heal your heart dont give up on you two at least becoming friends

Answer 4

A relationship is never to late to start nor is it ever to far gone to heal. You can begin by learning to accept him for how he is and hope that those things that need changing will change. Be patient with him and listen but don't hold back giving him your thoughts. Let him know how you feel about the past and present. Healing takes place on both sides. Good luck.

Answer 5

Be patient - at worst what are you losing a couple hours each week. Better to do that than to push him away and regret it after he is gone.

Answer 6

It's never too late.