Is it true- u are never "yourself" again after u become a parent? you're a whole new person?

Question

...so after i started drinking again after i had my baby--it just quite wasn't the same anymore. i felt like i couldn't go overboard like i use to..and get "smashed" without having to worry about anything. i couldn't just make random plans anymore..and do random things...it made me miss my "old self"..the person i use to be.

i would pop in the CDs i once listened to as a single person--and just reminense of how easy life use to be (before being a parent)

i guess its true--being a parent turns life "up side down" literally. u start to see more darkness than light--and it feels as if u live under a shadow than in the sunlight...

i just haven't felt like "myself" anymore--the carefree "me"...

so i guess it's true? you are NEVER going to be yourself anymore..u are now a whole new person??? have u experienced this when u first became a parent??

Answer 1

I am glad that I am no longer my self-centered, careless pre-baby self. Being a parent is 1000 times more fulfilling than binge drinking and partying. Someone relies on me for everything, my life has purpose and meaning.

Answer 2

Yes, it's much harder to be totally self centered after you have a little person to care for, raise and love.  Sorry for you...more sorry for your baby.

You can have a baby, and never become a parent.  But it just depends on who is most important to you.  Your life doesn't end when you become a parent, but it transforms into something completely different than it was before.  If letting loose and not having to worry about anything is your idea of fun, then parenthood is not going to be a good fit for you.  You probably need to find a really trustworthy, good caregiver for the baby (preferably a close, loving relative) and take a week or two to really think through your priorities and what is best in the long run for the baby.  You don't need to live life on the fence, and it's not fair to your baby either.

Answer 3

I believe it, some what.

I had my daughter when I was 17. and before I got pregnant I was a fighter, fought everyone. I was always beating others up for nothing. I was so mean, kicked out of school alot. I was just not a nice person. And when I got pregnant, I was quiet, nice and just a sweet person to be around. I recently moved back where i was before I got pregnant and people are shocked at me, how I am now, as a mother than before i was a mom.

I believe it made me much more mature.

I love being a mom..and a wife..

Answer 4

It sounds to me like you have postpartum depression. PLEASE go to your doctor. I had it, only it started while I was still pregnant. Once you get on some meds your world will be SOOOOOO much better! Trust me! I got on Zoloft and my life is so wonderful, I just wish I could have seen that during my pregnancy.

But to answer your question, being a parent DOES change you, but you are still you. It's ok to go out drinking, you just need to make the arrangements for your child. It sounds like you need a night out. You CAN just go out and do things, you just tote the baby along, just make sure the diaper bag is always stocked so you can grab it at a moments notice.

Answer 5

The best way I've heard of describing it is " A better version of the old me" Doesn't mean your going to change totally , your just going to take the best quailties of the "old you" and make them even better.  But the changes can be overwhelming. How about finding a new mom group who you can talk to and relate too? Your baby's doctor may be able to recommend one.

Answer 6

you know, i think every mother goes through that, especially first time moms. I'm only 22 and I'm married and I have an 18 month old. I went through that thought process as well, and I still am going through it. It's not that we wish we didnt have children, its more, I wish i had time grow up! I can drink or go out to hang out with friends without worrying about my child. It isnt something that will change instantly, but give yourself the chance to just breathe! Some mothers don't become their old self again, but most can still be like they used to be, just not ALL of it! Take pride in being a mother! You can still go out and have fun! Just havin "fun" is different kinda fun now!

Answer 7

Uh, yeah, in a GOOD way, not bad like what youre feeling.  How old is your child, maybe you have postpartum?

Answer 8

I believe you are the same person but with different priorities. Yes, pre-children life was much easier, able to party, come and go as you please. But after children you gain a better insight into what truly matters. You become focused on the needs and priorities of another.

It sounds, like the others answered, you may be suffering from post-partum depression. You may also need some help with child care to enable you to get some rest, eat right and take care of yourself. Sleep deprivation is not fun and can add to your depressive symptoms.

Get the help you need so you can take great care of your child. You will hopefully find yourself, with time, a much more positive outlook, sense of being and worth.

Answer 9

I feel like myself.  I feel like everything is the same as before except with a baby. True, it takes me longer to get out the door, and true, it's a little trickier grocery shopping and, yes, i don't go out to dinner as much as before, but, i am definitely the same person as i was before.  there's been a few changes, but i consider them good:  i cry when i see a tender moment on TV, i feel compassion toward people in a way i never have before, I have more patience, I more aware of the fragility of life, etc.

I still feel carefree and i still enjoy life, more now than ever before....