Is it usual for an asperger to cut relationships with his children's grandparents?

Question

According to our daughter, her husband being likely to be an asperger who cannot bear his parents-in-law attitudes towards him, attitudes that he qualifies being "rude" and "offensive", she says she prefers not to come and see us with her children because she must be sure that we will make the situation change !!! I'll try to explain what she wants us to do if we want to see our grandchildren. Our daughter says that she is afraid of coming to our place because she says "her husband does not feel secure" and she wants us to "insure that her husband will be secure". I do not understand how I can make my asperger son-in-law feel secure as I do not understand "what he needs to feel secure" and also I do not know if it is normal to ask such "security" before we can see our grandchildren, even if our daughter lives with a person who has this syndrome. This situation makes me feel uneasy because I also feel that "they might ask us something impossible to do" as a condition to have a relationship with our grandchildren who are 5 and 4. I feel that it is absurd and weird. But I also feel a deep sense of despair because it seems that, even though we have not discriminated him as being a mentally-disordered person, it seems that we would be guilty of not having had proper attitudes towards him that would have led to this punishment : not see our children during many years, until they are 18 years old. I must add that my husband and I had noticed that her husband was sometimes "weird" and had a fearful face when he "felt aggressed" as our daughter explained, adding that she was the only one who could understand him and calm him down, but adding also that we "should make efforts not to have attitudes that would make him react this way... " ! In spite of my trying to understand and act properly, I feel completely in distress. Can anyone help us to understand what we can do as parents to our daugter, as parents-in-law to our son-in-law and to our grandchildren that we will not meet?

Answer 1

I can't stand it how people think that just because someone has Asperger syndrome, that means they are unable to care for children or do other things that everyone else does that is a part of life. People with the disorder feel pressure on themselves and are socially awkward, I know this because I have the disorder, but they have every right to see the grandchildren because they are a part of the family. IT sounds to me like the wife of this man who has the disease is being very prejudiced about the disorder, especially sense you said that she thinks he might have it, but doesn't know for sure. He needs to talk to his wife and say that he has every right to see his family members as everyone else, and have a mental illness than cannot be cured should not change that, because they feel shut out from doing enough as it is!

Answer 2

I know this is  a hard situation but I believe that children should not live with a person WHO is mentally ill, can you image how the poor kids experience at home. this may sound drastic but if I was you I will try to get the kids out of  that environment, can you get custody for them to livid w' you/ hope you will try and rescue this children because id very hard for and adult to take care of a mentally ill person ,image what is for the kids to be expose to all that, your daughter is in denial, because she is trying to save her husband from this disease and is not going to happen, seriously consider  calling social services about it is not save for your grandchildren to live with a person like that good luck

Answer 3

The original answer is out of line. I believe the father has every right to live with his children, even if he is disabled. Individuals with AS often struggle with social situation but can live happy and full lives. I imagine he feels perfectly "secure" at home with his children.

You may have a hidden prejudice against him and he may sense this when he visits. I would do some research or the disorder so you can come to understand him better.

Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger's_... or http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asper... for more information. There are also some great stories that give you a glimpse into what it is like to have AS. For example, "All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome" is a cute book that highlights some of the peculiarities of AS. "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" is another interesting book about an adolescent with AS.  "The OASIS Guide to Asperger Syndrome" is a good guide for understanding AS.

Hope this helps.  

Answer 4

I myself have AS, and when someone is rude to me, I don't like it.

I know this is a hard situation but I believe that children should not live with a person WHO is mentally ill, can you image how the poor kids experience at home. this may sound drastic but if I was you I will try to get the kids out of that environment, can you get custody for them to livid w' you/ hope you will try and rescue this children because id very hard for and adult to take care of a mentally ill person ,image what is for the kids to be expose to all that, your daughter is in denial, because she is trying to save her husband from this disease and is not going to happen, seriously consider calling social services about it is not save for your grandchildren to live with a person like that good luck

Just because someone has AS, it doesn't mean that they can't handle kids. Bill Gates, THE RICHEST GUY ON EARTH, HAS ASPERGERS.

ALBERT EINSTEIN HAD AS.

Saying an AS person can't take care of kids is being prejiduce-an unfair opinion formed w/out facts.