Is it weak to be unconfrontational?

Question

I'm worried because I am pretty sensitive myself & I love for others to get along, I have gotten better at NOT taking things personally but I'd like to get a few opinions, where does fear of conflict come from (in personal relationships?) & is it weak to be peaceful & unconfrontational?

Answer 1

It is only weak if you refuse to confront large issues and let people walk all over you.

It is actually a sign of strength and confidence to be able to let things go and not take everything personally. You just have to know when the right time is to speak up and be confrontational.

Answer 2

I actually think you're stronger if you're capable of not letting little things get to you and go on peacefully.

Answer 3

You are definitely a stronger person if you can walk away from a difficult situations.

Answer 4

Not weak at all. It reminds me of "the litany against fear," from Dune. Fear is not confronted, but allowed to pass through, leaving you whole, unharmed, and ready for anything.

One of the most easy-going people I know is a former Unitarian minister, who is also adept at Aikido.  He is about as peaceful and unimposing as they come, but if anyone attacked him physically they'd be sent flying into the next county with slight turn and flick of the wrist.

I asked him how he could reconcile pacifism with martial arts training.  He told me that "if someone comes to me wishing to be hurt, I will oblige him." He was merely being hospitable.  ;-)

Answer 5

Not at all! Why make conflict in your life if you can go without?   no it is not weak.. although sometimes if completely neccesary i think you should be confrontational

Answer 6

It is ok to seek peace in your life. We value in our culture this winner take all and life is a zero sum game mentality. The idea that you must prevail always and beat the other guy down pervades our world. The fact is ongoing confrontations breed more confrontations and peace breeds peace.

Should  you feel wronged then you can speak your peace in a way that gets your message across but isn't abusive.

But I think the problem is more along the lines of ego and people bullying others just to feel better about themselves. These people can be handled if  you realize that choosing peace is an internal process where you have to control your emotions.

If you do choose to take charge of  yourself, you start to see that what others do or say has not as much impact as what you think about yourself and what you do with their words toward you.

In the end, the hard part is the work you have to do on yourself. By  that I mean that deciding that you are going to control your emotions is a brave and tough choice because everything comes back at you if you believe in this idea. It will pay off as you will have more peace and grow as a person but, in a world full of blaming others instead of accepting responsibility for yourself it is a tougher road to take.

Yesterday, a woman I work with was not nice to me. I said a comment of hers was not a nice thing to say and then tried to help her with a problem related to work she had. The moment passed. If I chose anger, we probably still would be arguing.

Answer 7

It gives others the impression of weakness.

Answer 8

"Blessed are the peacekeepers for they shall be called the sons of God." From the Beatitudes spoken by Jesus.

Answer 9

I think that not being into "drama" is great! I appreciate this in some individuals who don't like to instigate or seek conflict. Your sensitivity and desire for people to get along is a lovely quality.

However, I also think that not being assertive at times may leave you vulnerable to being stepped upon or taken advantage of. Some individuals may try to abuse that part of you that wishes to please and make everyone happy.

It is not a weakness to be peaceful (or a peacemaker), nor to aim to resolve issues in a manner that is not based on personal attacks, but instead seeks to address the matter and find a mutual understanding and/or solutions.

But sometimes, you may have to confront the person and situation, or allow yourself to be disrespected and belittled. At times, you may also have to agree to disagree, or walk away from someone whom is dead set on conflict.



Now in such case, would you please someone else at the expense of yourself being demeaned by him/her? That doesn't seem fair.

Perhaps you could find a balance...

Being the sensitive individual that you are and addressing manners peacefully, yet asserting yourself when you detect that you are being mistreated or toyed with.

Answer 10

As long as you don't act like a doormat, it is not weak. Good for you for being peaceful! =]